Interesting confidence tip when anxious

[charlieHungerford]

I am just reading a book on confidence and I came across a really interesting tip when faced with situations we fear. I thought I would write it on here to see what you think.

It basically says that when faced with a situation we are worried about as we have no confidence (or little confidence in it) and maybe bad experiences in the past, we are scared that something that we really do not want to happen, will happen. i.e. maybe you are really worried that when it comes to speaking in a situation you are about to face, that you fear you won't get your words out or will just mess up and you feel like you will humiliate yourself if that happens and you just keep thinking about what you don't want to happen. (I can totally relate to that - I just can't stop thinking about what I don't want to happen, I'll have it in my mind that I really do not want to struggle and not get my words out as I am scared of what people will think).

What the writer of the book says is that what we should be doing is that instead of focusing on what we really do not want to happen - i.e. focusing on not wanting failure, we should be focusing on not wanting success.

The writer says that focusing on what we don't want to happen just makes us so aware of a negative outcome, we have it in our minds of a worst case scenario which scares us, we are replaying what we don't want to happen, we are worrying ourselves intensely, we are basically freaking ourselves out thinking about negatives.

The writer says we should be focusing on not wanting success. We should be thinking that we don't want to do well in the situation - thinking about how it would go if it went really well and thinking that we don't want it to go well. It probably will take some time to be able to train your mind to think like that. But the whole point is that you are focusing on positives and success and taking the pressure off yourself.

I have not tried this and I do think it would take some effort to be able to think like this, but if we can think about not wanting negatives to happen then it is possible to think of not wanting positives to happen.

What do people think? I certainly will give it a try.

 

[colours]

Yep Charlie,interesting angle,I suppose not focusing on failure and not focusing on success would lead to you just being yourself in what you say and how you come across.

 

[Chriswinnipeg]

this is quite interesting

 

[nicesmiley]

I agree with the points. Other than not to think negatively, we should not expect that we will succeed--people make mistakes from time to time, and they learn from it, I would say that I want to improve myself.

 

[charlieHungerford]

It has got me thinking that negative thoughts even when you are thinking how you don't want those negatives to happen are so destructive.

I think from now on when I think negatives about any situation, I really have to consciously change what I am thinking. I need to learn how to do it. Negative thoughts and negative self beliefs, negative self image, negative thinking patterns, drawing on negative past experiences, negative feedback, etc, - all of our problems seem to be linked to negative thinking. We really do need to learn how to put a spoke in the wheels of negative thinking patterns in order to progress and overcome SA. In my opinion!

 

[Screwdriver1020]

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