I'm now convinced that it's fate

[PhantomPod]

My roommate at college never showed up. Everyone else has a roommate, and I'm always the odd one out. Literally, as they're all in pairs with their roommates. I was really hoping for a roommate because I know that I'm shy and I felt that if I had someone to meet people with, then it would be much easier. But of course it seems as though I've been one of the only ones who doesn't have a roommate.

Some girls that I sometimes hang out with went to dinner last night. I saw one of their away messages, in the morning, that they were going out for dinner that night, so I went down to their room after my classes and was talking with them and asked one of them if they were gonna go get something to eat soon. She said no and that they were actually gonna be going out for dinner. So I acted like I didn't know and asked where and asked how many of them where going (trying to imply that I'd like to go too), and she said that there were 8 of them going and that they had made reservations.

I just think that's so shitty. Like damn, they could've asked if I'd like to go too. I mean, it's not like they don't have my screen name, myspace name, or cell phone number. But it's like it was because they're all in pairs with their roommates and I'm the odd one out always on my own, that they end up forgetting about me.

So pretty much, I'm trying to stop caring. I never needed anyone before, so why start now? Plus, I'm liking having the whole dorm room to myself now. I feel as though I should just stop trying to be frinedly with these people. I don't get why I'm always the one putting in the effort. None of them ever come knocking on my door or calling my cell, inviting me to do things with them.

grrr, wow, I really needed to vent that out. So yes, in conclusion of that whole essay that I just wrote lol, it's like it's fate that I'm the one who didn't get a roommate. As if I'm destined to be alone forever. Or maybe just this isn't the group of friends for me and I need to try and find others with similar interests? Yeah, that would be the positive view on this, but really I just think that it's that I'm destined to be alone forever and I should just stop trying to act friendly towards people who are obviously never going to give two shits about me.

The social aspect of college life just really isn't turning out how I had been imagining it all summer.

 

[Hurricane]

The social aspect of college life just really isn't turning out how I had been imagining it all summer.

I know what u mean, I'm in university and I'm so damn lonely right now, I know nobody there and I'm too f*cking afraid to talk to someone

 

[IcanDoIt]

feel soo sorry for u guys man..

liek u guys, i felt the same way in Polytechnic.

so life was besically miserable.

but i realise now that it does not work that way

 

[DazedNConfused]

Well, you have two choices to make in how your going to look at things:

1) Because these girls don't want me around, no one else will, either. I'll just retreat into my shell and be by myself. I'll put out a negative vibe so anyone else who may be interested in being with me will stay away. :evil:

2) I'm just not compatible with these girls, so I should join other groups at school that sound interesting to me, and maybe I'll meet some friends that way.

Choice #1 reeks of depression and lack of confidence, while #2 implies a healthy can-do attitude.

It is possible you may end up alone for the rest of your life, but only if you go down the #1 path (Its called a self-fulfilling prophecy, because it is a prediction that YOU make happen). I know, when in the midst of depression its easy to go that way, but you must fight it!

Plus, one thing that might be driving these girls away from you is you appearing desperate, which you probably will appear to be to them if you tie their acceptance of you as an indicator of whether your worth of ANYONES friendship. So I think you were on the right track when you said you'd just stop caring about THEM.

I wouldn't be telling you this if I hadn't been there myself (as Billy Joel once said)! A few years ago, I was shunned by people at work and by a few of what i thought were my best friends, for reasons I couldn't understand. I spent about a year feeling sorry for myself and putting out a bitter vibe to everyone :evil: ; it didn't take long to realize there were other people that i would get along with better, so I started hanging out with them, and now I consider them as my brothers, and they don't hold me back like my previous set of friends did. And the funny thing is, when I moved out of town, the old friends that ditched me actually started calling and trying to keep contact with me (I gladly blew them off! :lol: ).

I really hope you choose choice #2 (or at least anything but choice 1), who knows, you may meet the love of your life :wink: (or maybe not, the important thing is that you keep yourself out there, there may be others near you in a simular situation). From reading your post, I think you know what u gotta do!

Hope things work out for you!

 

[JD999]

If I can add my thoughts on what's happening (maybe)...

I believe the thing is perhaps, everyone enjoys doing different things with different people. They like hanging out with you for certain reasons and in certain situations, but didn't want to go shopping with you because they don't want to hang out with a guy at a girl's clothing store.

The reservation would be just that, a reservation. They could have a lot of other friends that they could've invited as well, and maybe they wanted to invite you and other people but couldn't. Lets say for argument's sake that you had a collection of pals that you were going to do something with, and made reservations with... and one of them made all of the reservations for you so it was out of your hands. Maybe the girls had nothing to do with the reservations and it was one of the other friends that did it. Or maybe the table only seats 8 people and like you said, you didn't have a roommate at the moment. Ask one of them if they know anyone who is looking for a roommate or try to go to a counselor and get it straightened out, that's all you have to do for that. I'd advise asking one of the girls if they know anyone because then that will continue the connection with them.

Every action needs a reaction, but one that solves the problem. These girls didn't hang out with you, watch movies with you, and try to get closer to you just so they can blow you off by not inviting you to parties and dinners. The thing is, you're placing the importance of them remembering everything they do in conjunction with you as utmost. Every single thing they do with their lives they can't remember to include you. They've included you in a lot of stuff so far, and some stuff they haven't. But if you start looking like you're desperate, they might stop doing the things they enjoy with you at the moment.

You are important to them, because they enjoy hanging out with you.

Are you interested only as friends or are you interested in one of them more?

You're looking into things here that don't exist. Just take a break and realize this.

 

[Chechirom]

You're looking into things here that don't exist. Just take a break and realize this.

I agree with this completely. One of the hardest things I find to do in a social environment is be myself. You have to remember that EVERYONE has good qualities; desireable qualities, unique qualities. These qualities attract many different types of people, you can't give up after one fight. Remember the old metaphor about battles and wars.....well you have only lost a battle, don't give up the war because of it. Hang in there man and remember we are all rooting for you. Best of Luck!!!!

 

[4myself]

I wouldn't be telling you this if I hadn't been there myself (as Billy Joel once said)! A few years ago, I was shunned by people at work and by a few of what i thought were my best friends, for reasons I couldn't understand. I spent about a year feeling sorry for myself and putting out a bitter vibe to everyone :evil: ; it didn't take long to realize there were other people that i would get along with better, so I started hanging out with them, and now I consider them as my brothers, and they don't hold me back like my previous set of friends did. And the funny thing is, when I moved out of town, the old friends that ditched me actually started calling and trying to keep contact with me (I gladly blew them off! :lol: ).

Thanks heaps dazedNconfused, I really needed to hear that. I was ousted out of my social group about 2 years ago and now I have huge problems with other people. But of course these people were obviously not my friends (some of the stuff they did at the time confirms this), so onwards and upwards to a new group of friends who hopefully wont be jerks

 

[PhantomPod]

hmm, so I guess I'm totally going down path 1. I can't even help it. It's getting so frustrating because there really seems like there's NO ONE around here that is like me or even seems to have similar interests as mine.

There's only one girl in the group of them who will sometimes talk to me, but it's only because I'm the only one around. Like that's really not just me imagining it in my head, like I know that this girl only uses me and comes around when no one else is around. She just did it last night. I was just getting in from my classes and had a ton of homework to do. She had to work at the front desk and just sit there for 2 hours and she was trying to get me to sit there with her, but I said how I had a ton of homework to do, then she was like aww, don't be a loser and like trying to peer pressure me or whatever into it. She always does that. Everytime everyone else will be busy she'll come to me wanting to do things. sometimes I will do something with her, but other times I have loads of homework (cause i'm taking honors courses and the other girls aren't), so she'll be like 'aww, whatever, don't be such a loser.'

So yeah, that's pretty much why I'm done with her. It's like she always trys to put me down and make me feel like a big loser.

But I don't know, I think I just want to be alone for right now. I don't care so much anymore. And I know that I do kind of put off a somewhat bitter vibe I guess, as I always sit quietly in class and always have my headphones in when I'm walking between classes.

I might be studying abroad my last semester. only 24 kids can go, so that's why I've really been working hard and doing all my homework (even though that girl keeps calling em a loser for it), because you have to keep your grades up to go. When studying abroad, i'd be living in an apartment with 3 other students, so I think that would be a better way to meet these people. cause they obv have somewhat similar interests as me. so yeah, i guess you could say I'm waiting to meet people.

 

[coolguy2005]

Phantom,

Those girls are fucked up. You are a great person and a big winner! Keep up your grades! In the end, you'll have a successful career while those girls will be stuck with their current shitty jobs. I'm actually surprised that college people actually call people who study a lot 'losers'; this is typical of highschool. Of course, maybe I've never met those kinds of people. I don't live in Res, I commute. It's not too bad. Only about 2 hours max one way.

 

[PhantomPod]

Yeah, that's what pretty much keeps me going. the fact that whenever she says that I'll just think "pssh, you won't be thinking that when I've got a better paying job than you." I'm surprised too. geez, it's like it's high school again. For some reason I really thought that college would be a lot different from high school, as if I imagined everyone would mature over the summer. lol. But it really doesn't seem to be too different.

oh wow, I've thought a few times of transferring and trying to commute next semester or next year, but I probably won't. I really like the program of studies I'm taking, and I want to stick with it. so I suppose I can deal with the somewhat shitty social aspect of college. My college is only about an hour away from my home though, so I suppose it wouldn't be too bad of a commute if I did ever decide that I wanted to do that. My school only guarentees dorms for freshman, so if I don't get a dorm next year I'd either have to get an apartment or commute. I don't know what I'd want to do yet though, as I'm not at that point yet lol.

 

[coolguy2005]

Phantom,

although people haven't matured yet, they will soon. College life forces people to grow up...the ones that don't get kicked out of college sooner or later as they fail everything.

And you only live an hour away? that's so good. so you have an option. if you don't like living in a dorm or on campus, you can always come back home. I know that I made the right decision to stay home; I don't have friends but hey I have decent marks

 

[4myself]

Yeah PhantomPod, focus on those grades, they will be what lasts, not 'friendships' with people who want to pull you down, grades will also be what gets you through life, not telling people 'oh, I could have done well in college but I was too busy hanging out". Maybe the girl is just jealous of you because you get good grades and are an honour student? (congratulations by the way!).

 

[coolguy2005]

i agree with myself 188888888888888888888888888888888888% hehe i made up a random number ain't I cool ;-)

 

[4myself]

Too cool for school 8) (pun intended)

 

[coolguy2005]

I've got exams comin up next week.....oh man.....i'm stressed. There is so much to do. I've been working my ass off. And everything is graded ona curve which makes it hard to get a good mark. I wish we didn't get graded on the curve.

 

[PhantomPod]

Yep, only an hour away luckily. So I've actually been going home pretty much every weekend so far. I only stayed here one weekend because my parents went away and couldn't come pick me up, and I was pretty damn bored all weekend. lol. I like going home for the weekends much better. And I've actually been hanging out with my 2 real (and only lol) friends who live across the street from me back home. so it's been pretty fun most weekends, cause I like my family and those 2 friends better than people here.

Yeah, that's what I figure, that my grades are more important than these false friendships I'm trying to create. I care more about my grades and like being on my own and working hard on my school work and I want to be successful more than I really like hanging out with these girls anyways.

oh, and thanks for the congrats 4myself. the classes can definitely be hard, but i do really like it and I've been doing really well so far. and the work definitely helps keep me busy and stop me from getting bored and feeling bad about myself for having not made friends or anything to hang out with yet lol.

 

[coolguy2005]

phantom,

that's the right spirit! Everything will fall into place, contrary to what you might think Sometimes you have to let life take its course.

 

[PhantomPod]

and don't worry about your exams man. If you just keep on studying the material, there's no reason you shouldn't do well on them.

 

[coolguy2005]

Thatta spirit girl! Keep at it! work work work!!!!!