I'm new to this

[dadindoors]

Hi,
Does anyone else feel like me ? I'm sure l would be classified as being socially phobic, but l'm not sure l yet want to do anything about it. Sometimes l feel that my avoiding people is logical because i find people scary - i find the fact that they don't want to know the real ME, but just relate to me as an object especially threatening.
On the other hand, thinking about my social isolation (and reading about social phobia) make me feel a freak - and like l should do something about myself.
I guess l've isolated myself for so long, l can't even imagine whether working again and meeting more people would make me feel happier or more fulfilled.
Perhaps the fact that l'm writing this means that l'm ready to break out of my shell just a little bit.
If anyone wants to respond to this, l'd be pleased

Ta

Bob :?

 

[easy]

Hi there Bob,

"Sometimes l feel that my avoiding people is logical because i find people scary"
Avoiding people because you find them scary is very logical. However, finding people scary is not logical at all!

"i find the fact that they don't want to know the real ME, but just relate to me as an object especially threatening."
Could you explain why you think it is threatening if people relate to you as an object? How will you get hurt? What is scary about it? Also, how do you know people relate to you as an object?

"On the other hand, thinking about my social isolation (and reading about social phobia) make me feel a freak - and like l should do something about myself."
You could think you're a freak or the next coming of superman. It doesn't change what you are. Stop judging yourself and be honest to yourself. You don't HAVE to change yourself, but you would be much happier if you lost your fear, obviously.


"I guess l've isolated myself for so long, l can't even imagine whether working again and meeting more people would make me feel happier or more fulfilled."
Without your fear of people, you would be free to do what you want. If you want to meet new people - do it. If you don't, then don't. The fact is that you are now very limited in your life because of your fears.

"Perhaps the fact that l'm writing this means that l'm ready to break out of my shell just a little bit."
You are always ready to breaK out of your shell, you just don't think you are. Believe me when I say that IF you dedicate yourself 100% to overcoming your fear, you will succeed. You will need to think about it and work at it, and be completely honest with yourself, but it will be worth it.

Oh, and remember that posting here is anonymous, so you can be honest. We don't see you or know who you are, so there's no need to be anxious here.

 

[dadindoors]

People being scary

Hi
Finding people scary is logical to me, since l have found, from my parents onwards, that most peole scare me - mainly because l m wary of them using me, or because l'm never sure what they really mean, because they're not sure what they really mean.
I really don't find it helpful when people tell me l'm illogical for being scared of people. My overall experience of people is that they are scary, and l find it really hard to think of many people who ahve been kind to me on a consistent basis.

Ta

Bob

 

[easy]

Re: People being scary

I really don't find it helpful when people tell me l'm illogical for being scared of people. My overall experience of people is that they are scary, and l find it really hard to think of many people who ahve been kind to me on a consistent basis.

When I say it is illogical to find people scary, I am not personally insulting you. Pretty much all people are very irrational.

This reminds me of a a review of a book I read at amazon.com. It's the book 'A guide to rational living'. I highly recommend this book to you. But anyway, this book explains that people are scared, angry, etc. because of beliefs they have. If you change/get rid of the irrational beliefs, you'll no longer be scared.
Then this guy, who admits that he has been depressed for years, writes a review and he says he didn't like this book, because he doesn't want to be told that his thinking is irrational. Now THAT's irrational! :lol:

If you want to, you can overcome your fears. If you say: "This is just my personality. This is who I am. I will have these fears for the rest of my life," then you won't ever overcome your fears. (The majority of the people on this forum think like this.) The choice is up to you.


Bob, please answer me one question:
Do you think people are scary, that it's a fact? Or do you think that you believe people to be scary,they are not actually scary, you just think they are?

 

[dadindoors]

People ARE scary

Dear Easy,
She l do think people are , by and large, scary. Why? Because in my experience they tend to be selfish, liars and insincere. This make speole very difficult to trust and so, for me, very unpredictable.
I know that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy encourages one to test such beliefs, and l have - and l still find people to be scary. I.e. In my, admittedly limited, interaction with people these days i still find people to be as scary as my birth family, my teachers at school and my co-workers in my last job. Above all, i find most people are so busy worrying about their own lives, that they hardly even notice each other.
I find living in a world where people are rushing everywhere and pushing in front of each other, where they can't even say hi to you when you pass them in the street, when they look as if they want to kill all other drivers on "their" road scary. Also, it seems to me that of those people who are "nice" to me, the majority are those who are putting on fake smiles when they take my money at checkouts, or when thye want something from me.
Above all, people are most scary to me because they aren't relating to me, the real me that is. People talk to me, but it's not me they talk to - it's a neighbour, or a stranger etc etc.
I don't know what world you live in Easy, or why you're trying so hard to convince me people are ok, but in my experience they are not - and it doesn't help me when people tell me my experienc of the world is illogical or irrational.

Ta Bob

 

[crescent]

Hi,
I do find some people are scary too, especially those people who are judgemental and very critical, I met some in my workplace and I scared of them so much. That's because I fear to be hurt by what they are saying, because I'm too sensitive. But I don't blame them for that.
Because everybody has faults and many many faults, not a single one in this world is perfect. I sometimes feel I'm so ignorrant to people around me, but that's also because I have SA, that I even fear to be kind, that people will think I'm fake, etc.
Have you ever thought, that those people who looks ignorrant, deep inside their heart, they actually want to be kind. Or those who are selfish, actually wants to be good? They might want it, but they just can't do it overnight, it's not easy to change.

 

[easy]

Re: People ARE scary

I don't know what world you live in Easy, or why you're trying so hard to convince me people are ok, but in my experience they are not - and it doesn't help me when people tell me my experienc of the world is illogical or irrational.

Ta Bob

I'm not trying to convince you people are ok.
You say that in your experience people are not ok. This absolutely true, it can't be denied. But, the thing is, you have created that experience yourself.

You say you find people scary because people are "selfish, liars and insincere". When you meet a person somewhere, it's not the person you are afraid of, it's the "selfish, liars and insincere" that you are afraid of.
And what are those things? They are nothing but concepts in your mind. You are not afraid of what you see, hear, etc. (the actual experience), but of something else. You're afraid of an idea in your mind.

Just think about it. Can dishonesty exist as a thing in itself, in reality? Can it exist like a tree exists? Or can it only exist in your mind? If it only exists in your mind, doesn't it mean that you made it up, that it's imaginary? Why would you be afraid of something you made up yourself?

It's like a child that draws a painting of a monster, and then runs away in fear of it, thinking the monster is real.

Could you tell me how selfishness and dishonesty and things like that can hurt you? Don't say that they are just bad things, but how can they ACTUALLY harm you? Can these things actually hurt you? How?

 

[dadindoors]

scary people

Dear Easy,

I don't understand how you can ask how selfishness, dishonesty etc can hurt me.
If you really need to have an answer to that question, it only confirms to me that l am living in a world with a great many strange and quite inhuman people.
The least l would expect of anyone posting a message on this particular site is that is that they could empathise with someone who is scared of people - not try to deny them the right to feel that way.
You are actually quite a bully l feel - in that respect at least l must thank you for clarifying my thoughts and helping me respect my feelings
Ta

Bob[/quote]