I'm getting better (slightly long winded)

[steel_sparks]

hey everone I think I've had my eurika moment so to speak,

i'll start from the beginning, last week I was going to have a party on the friday so I was gonna invite people from work but no matter how many times I built myself up I never managed to do it, in the end the only person I invited was this one girl who I really like (she has a boyfriend so I have no chance anyway which is probably why I can talk to her) anyway she said she was going out but she might pop in afterward, so it looked like another night drinking with my cousin again, but at about 8 the door bell went and it was her, she then got a load of people up my flat who were all good friends and very confident, so I started feeling like a spare part before too long. I was talking and to anyone else I would have looked like a normal person but on the inside I felt alone, so about ten minutes after we went to a club I decided to leave and have some time to myself in another pub, well not long after that one of the girls found me (this isn't going where your mind is thinking unfortunately) and asked for my keys cus one of the guys was spazzing out, so I gave them to her and said i'd be up in a while anyway cut a long story short I went home stayed up till about five entertaining (if you can call it that) about 6 or 7 people while still feeling like a spare part, then I woke up to find the girl I liked hugging my cousin, now your all social phobics so you know what I was thinking and I spent the whole of saturday sleeping and moping around, sunday came and my cousin wanted to come over to get his cd's he left anyway he came over and we both went to the pub to see my sister who works there and the both of them were trying to get me out of the phunk I was in and we got to talking about my social phobia which untill then I didn't know they were so knowledgeable about, and I realised some things,

there are people who really care about me, My sister who is more than just a sister she is a good friend, she used to be quiet aswell but now she will talk to anyone and in that respect Is my role model and proof that I can do it too, even though she's younger than me I respect her a lot and would do anything for her.

my cousin, again more than a cousin he's a very good friend and my partner in crime so to speak,(to clear up the earlier thing with the girl It's freezing in my flat as I dont have the heating on, I have no blankets or anything to keep warm, she's a very huggy sort of person and she's not mine so basically I was just jelous)

and as to prove I am actually getting better I just saw one of the girls that I saw friday and imediately my stomach went but I thought why am I worried, whats the worst that can happen, I faught the fear and I won, Granted I didnt say hi but that will come in time, I know I still have a long way to go but I gonna keep pushing on, as they say you might be on track but if you dont keep moving you'll still get run over

 

[Alaina]

Things sound promising for you, there were a lot of positive aspects in your post.. your sister, the fact that you are good friends with her and your cousin, the fact that you were entertaining those people without too much of a problem... it sounds like things are going to improve for you as time goes by and things happen. The last thing you said, the keep pushing on and keep moving thing, that really is the way to do it and the way to think about it; I mostly have that attitude myself these days, that things ARE going to improve if you just keep going and keep trying.