I'm Doing It Again! Ruining My Life Because I Can't Talk

[txdave32]

Hey guys,

I thought I would post here to see if anyone can relate to my story. I have battled shyness all my life, and unfortunately, I live in a world where you can not be shy to have any success or comfort.

I started a new job this week, completely new city after I was laid off from my previous job in July. I spent months wondering why I was selected to be laid off when I was the hardest working guy there. The answer: my shy nature. They felt less guilty canning the unpopular guy who comes to work and stays inside his office with the door shut. The goofy chick that is very social but lazy got to keep her job.

So here I have a new slate. A fresh group of people that have no idea that I am shy natured. I could be bold, outspoken, the life of the party, joke and cut up. Nope, after day 2, I've already fallen into that shy shell. When people talked to me, I froze up and could only say, "right" "yea" with my voice quite weak. Today, almost no one talked to me. I spent 8 hours miserable in my office with nothing to do. Anyone else would have mingled around the office and got to know the people.

Yet, the notion terrifies me for some reason. I am so sensitive, and I just feel the sting of rejection if I try to make a joke and falls flat. It's crazy. I have an amazing personality and hilarious sense of humor when I am one on one with someone, but in a group environment, I can't make a joke to save my life, and everyone only likes someone who has a sense of humor.

It is a living hell, and in the past, I have just run away and not showed up for work at all. If I had a choice, I would never go back there again. I would give anything to work from home and not have to deal with the social pressure.

 

[Agitprop]

My situation is very similar and I know how you feel. I had that same mindset every time I started somewhere new: when I got into university I promised myself to be more outgoing, when I find a new job I promise myself to try to befriend the employees, etc. Of course, it never works out and it's frustrating as hell. I guess all you can do is keep trying to break through it and hope that you can make a connection with someone, which miraculously happens sometimes. Also, if you're good one-on-one then just focus on building personal rapport with each employee and then when you're in a group setting with people you already know and feel comfortable around you won't feel as awkward.

 

[txdave32]

My situation is very similar and I know how you feel. I had that same mindset every time I started somewhere new: when I got into university I promised myself to be more outgoing, when I find a new job I promise myself to try to befriend the employees, etc. Of course, it never works out and it's frustrating as hell. I guess all you can do is keep trying to break through it and hope that you can make a connection with someone, which miraculously happens sometimes. Also, if you're good one-on-one then just focus on building personal rapport with each employee and then when you're in a group setting with people you already know and feel comfortable around you won't feel as awkward.

Glad to know I'm not alone! I did make an effort today, but got shot down immediately. The guy I work with is a bit of an ahole, just very cold and unfriendly. But I did have a conversation piece. I walked into his office and asked about his dad who had a bypass done.

"oh he's alright, grumpy as always"

Now I froze, the conversation was already dead. I tried to revive it by making a weak statement about how popular heart attacks are these days. Way to go.