I'm back... (a little rant)

[iamantisocial]

Hi everyone. I'm back.

Ok... as far as SP is concerned, I dont think I have that shit anymore. I believe. That I am completely healed of this scourge.

I am more motivated... and feel like I already have a direction in life.

I am now taking part time courses in auto mechanics... and sooner or later, I'd be out there fixing cars (cross my fingers tight... if anyone will decide to take me as an apprentice... since thats where I'd start).

However, my parents arent too happy with this development.

I thought that parents are supposed to be there to support the kids... and guide them... etc... etc... etc...

And you know what, I dont ask love and support anymore from my parents. Because that is too difficult for them to give. All I ask them is to leave me the fuck alone. Thats right. Leave me alone. And I am getting discouraged by them as I take this automotive course... to better my life. To succeed. To not be finally stuck in this fucking dead end job I currently have.

Why am I being discouraged? Because they dont want me to progress. They wanna be forever in control of me. And I told them to back off. They cannot do that to me. I am still able to hold my ground against them. Though not in shouting matches... but through a little financial politics.

You see... they've gotten a little desperate for my help. And since I live in the same household, I have to contribute.

In the event though of a total family relation collapse, I am fucking ready to be on the streets... and survive in a shit box bachelor basement apartment. I have increased my savings... and I have decreased my standard of living. I've practiced sleeping on a cold hard floor, and eating food according to a very small budget. Fucking $30 a week of food. Thats all I'm gonna eat. No eating stupid junk food, candy, chocolate, all the little shit that makes eating a little bit more enjoyable.

But since its them who cannot afford to put a dent on their living standard, they are now in a position to need to respect me and woo me a little... in order for me to help them. So right now, I feel like I'm in a better position.


though with their attitude towards me taking a mechanics course... I fucking swear... that in the event their car breaks down, I WILL NOT TOUCH IT NOR ACCEPT MONEY FROM THEM TO FIX THEIR CAR



There. End rant. Lol.

 

[Shonen_Yo]

That sounds good. Are your parents in financial trouble?

 

[iamantisocial]

That sounds good. Are your parents in financial trouble?

Alot of debt. It is actually my financial contributions that help keep them out of "bad credit".

At least now, that can be my bargaining power to them. If I leave the house, they will be in deep shit debt. (While I will still need to adjust my standard of living to the income level of somebody who makes slightly above minimum wage).

I actually did that one time. I got so pissed and told them that in 2 weeks, I'd be leaving this place since I'm not happy...

And then dad decided to negotiate... and during the weeks and months that followed, their respect for me has increased at least 300%.

All I do now is avoid them whenever possible... but if they wanna talk, I am not rude. I hang around a bit, smile, and talk to them... 10 minutes at the most, then make an excuse to get out of their sight.



It feels good if you got a bit of power. I now have a better understanding of the saying "money talks".


But come to think of it, my other brothers are getting the all the shit from my parents. I feel that the shit they were supposed to dump on me has been dumped on my brothers. lol 8)

 

[Shonen_Yo]

That sounds good. Are your parents in financial trouble?

Alot of debt. It is actually my financial contributions that help keep them out of "bad credit".

At least now, that can be my bargaining power to them. If I leave the house, they will be in deep shit debt. (While I will still need to adjust my standard of living to the income level of somebody who makes slightly above minimum wage).

I actually did that one time. I got so pissed and told them that in 2 weeks, I'd be leaving this place since I'm not happy...

And then dad decided to negotiate... and during the weeks and months that followed, their respect for me has increased at least 300%.

All I do now is avoid them whenever possible... but if they wanna talk, I am not rude. I hang around a bit, smile, and talk to them... 10 minutes at the most, then make an excuse to get out of their sight.



It feels good if you got a bit of power. I now have a better understanding of the saying "money talks".


But come to think of it, my other brothers are getting the all the shit from my parents. I feel that the shit they were supposed to dump on me has been dumped on my brothers. lol 8)

That sounds like the power of respect, my friend I think your parents are starting to recognize you as an adult.

 

[mienaino]

That's your side of the story. I would be interested to hear your parents side before coming to any kind of conclusion. Obviously, though, that isn't going to happen.
One thing I can tell you, is that a real parent will always be there for you, even if you're not there for them. Kindness and understanding are the saving graces of humanity, so I hope you are there for them, should they ever be in need.
I don't know why they are not supportive of your choices, but I don't think they want to control you. My father once told me that being a parent is the most edifying thing in life, and there is nothing more rewarding than seeing your children grow and develop into healthy, good individuals. No parent wants to ruin the lives of their children. No parent wants to prevent you from moving on in life, into adulthood. I'm sure there are reservations, but those are hardly enough to warrant desiring as much.
You're still young and inexperienced. You will not always feel this way.

 

[mienaino]

An open note about parents:

Western culture (and some Eastern cultures) preaches to hate your parents.

What right do you have to pass judgement on people, if you've never walked in their shoes?

How well do you know your parents, if you hate them?

What thoughts do you think are your own, and what do you think you were fed?

In my experience, a person who says that their family never thought they were good enough, felt that they themselves weren't good enough and twisted everything anyone ever said to try to convince them otherwise. Then in order to escape from themselves, they project every negative thought they have about themselves onto those closest to them and then disown them. This is classic rebellious behaviour, until it infringes on your functionality, then it's classic DSMIV behaviour.

And if you think your family never supported you. That's just bollocks. You really can't say that unless you grew up in a cardboard box in a downtown alley. If your parents are in debt, and you hold this against them, just imagine how much you cost to raise.

 

[Quixote]

That's your side of the story. I would be interested to hear your parents side before coming to any kind of conclusion.

I agree on this. There are abusive parents for sure, but they are probably a very tiny minority. They may not be extremely supportive, or very clever in bringing you up, or able to provide you with the optimal environment in terms of intellectual stimuli and material confort.. but who said they should? Who said the average parent should be a very mature and experienced person who does everything right? The problem is, the average parent is an average human being.. trying to cope with all that life throws at him/her, including financial problems, emotional life, his or her own parents to care for, health issues, and yes also the big burden of raising children and caring for them. Not easy if you think about it. Would you all be able to manage all this simultaneously? I for myself wouldn't, I'm quite sure of that.

This is not to say you should feel forever close to your parents, least of all dependent on them and unable to make your own choices and disagree. Separation is probably necessary and healthy at one point. But before you judge them so harshly, think about what you would be able to do (or will, if you are planning on having a family) in their place.

 

[mienaino]

I'm sorry we dont all have perfect parents like you have.

I think you missed the point of my post. I don't mean that my parents are perfect, or that all parents are good. What I mean is, most parents, as much as their children may hate them, don't have bad intentions. Your parents probably don't hate you, or think so lowly of you as what you've described.
Quixote is completely on target in saying that parents are human, and being a parent is extremely difficult, especially in this day and age, as the generation gap is greater than it has ever been and the culture is rapidly shifting its focus off of the family unit and onto the individual. Children are indoctrinated to think everything of their parents that you've expressed, whether or not it's true. Now, with this in mind, think of it from your parents perspective... they live in the UK, an extraordinarily expensive place to live on average. They have obligations to their parents, their companies, their friends, their relatives, their children... and they will make bad decisions, people do. They will become frustrated and take it out on those closest to them, people do. But something tells me that you're overlooking the bigger picture. I get the idea that you're bitter about some things, but you're not thinking of everything. What is one bad decision compared to a thousand good ones? And to put yourself back in your parents' shoes, imagine you in all of this... think of how many times you've said and done hurtful things to your parents, but do they hate you for it? I don't think they do. My social anxiety is a direct result of my parents decisions about how and where to raise me, but I don't blame them for it. They were doing the best they knew... it isn't like there's a guidebook for this kind of thing, and it isn't like they've done it a thousand times before. Being a parent is like walking a tightrope, blindfolded, over a sea of fire, while holding everything that is dear and precious to you in your hands.
But if you want to hate your parents, you will. I just think that's tragic.

 

[cherish]

Some kids have to learn to be dependant of the good opinions of their parents. Iamantisocial, i think you have done a good job of doing that and you still treat your parents with respect and i think that's a good way to go. You could be angry with them and treat them like total crap now that you can support yourself but you don't and that's awesome.