movingzachb
New member
I am new to this forum and don't know the quality of people that will respond - so I ask in advance to please keep an open mind and don't give any childish responses. Thanks.
This is pretty long - but I would like to hear any comments or if anyone else has had a similar experience in any way to this or just people in general making friends. This was an attempt at a friendship - not a date.
Back in high school (when I didn't know I had social anxiety as a disabling disorder) I never spoke to anyone Though it was a small school - I knew who people were but never spoke to any of them. I ate lunch under a tree every day far away from others. I just thought I was shy of course.
I had a crush on this girl for 4 years. and did a few things to let her know I liked her. Ironic thing is - she was the most beautiful girl on the campus so of couse - it was an impossible mission given my current social status. This may sound like a typical high school crush movie - or story - but it is real.
Anyway - all four years of high school - I don't think I ever knew anyone at all - not even teachers.. The only peer I remotely knew - was her and barely at that.
Every day at school literally I told myself " i am going to say hi to her today I am going to say hi". I couldn't I couldn't do anything but try to send her something in the mail. Like a mix tape or a nice note that said I though she was beautiful. (I had her address from someone that knew her through his church and gave it to me).
After high school I tried to stay in touch with her - by writing letters but I got a strange letter back from her dad (or someone that claimed to be him) - it said basically that "she doesn't want to see or hear from me again and to please stop trying to contact her". I felt like crap for years after this and couldn't understand it cause it didn't make any sense. After all I was just hoping to start a friendship with her.
So 16 years later (after high school ended) I saw her on one of those social networking sites because they automatically link you to your old classmates.
I was so happy and I actually tried to email her to see if she wanted to hang out and catch up because she lived in the same city as I did. I was not asking her for a date though.
She agreed to hang out and so at that moment I thought the letter I got from someone claiming to be her "dad" had to be a some kind of joke - right?
Anyway she was very skittish and it was very awkward when we met - but of course that could be expected considering the circumstances. I know that in high school - getting to know her was a turning point for me in trying to bust out of my shell. She mentioned she had a gotten out of a failed marriage of five years because her husband was mean - but she wouldn't tell me anything else about him.
When I saw her meet me - I was so excited that I welcomed her with light hug. I am sure she didn't expect it but neither did I. But I wanted to meet her this day to tell her all those things I couldn't back in high school because of my phobia. I had come a long way since then despite the issues I still deal with.
I could not tell her all of these things when I met with her because somethings was wrong with her (and I was having a panic attack the entire time anyway). She told me she felt trapped and I had no idea what that meant. I just felt like I did something wrong and from that point on I figured I better not try to "spill my guts" and just focus on taking her back to her car. I guess this is one of those ways that woman act after some kind of abuse. I did ask her about the letter from her "dad" and she said she knew nothing about it and suggested "maybe it was one of her friends or something" - I thought that was kind of an odd statement.
Four months had gone by since we met up and we had exchanged some casual emails. I decided to ask her when she was able to hang out again (because I wanted to give it some time before I tried to get to know know her - I REALLY feel like I opened the doors beautifully for a friendship and I wanted to make it happen). I didn't want to give up this chance - I mean how many guys get the chance to do something like this - and how many actually TAKE that chance.
She replied to the email and said something like "I am sure your a great person but I am not right now, I don't know when I will be able to hang out".
I was ok with that but it sounded like she was cutting me off completely forever - even to maybe exchange email or something. I called her and asked her for some clarification cause I after all I had been through I was starting to become worried - and I was afraid of something I may have done wrong to scare her away.
She told me on the phone that we were not going to be friends, and when I asked her why - she said that it is hard to explain. I asked if I did something wrong - she was very hazy and didn't really answer my question. I said "is it me" she said "there is something about you that makes me uncomfortable and it was the same feeling I had in high school". This statement made no sense at all to me - I never even knew her well in high school and why would she have met up with me at all 16 years later if she really thought that. But moreover I pushed harder to find out what it was she wasn't telling me. when i said " what is it about me that you don't like? " - she said "your just shy". Keep in mind - I had no intention of asking her to date me - she knew I was only interested in friendship.
I later found out from one of her friends that she had a terror fear of new relationships and that it wasn't me. But of course I still feel guilty.
This did it for me right here. I have since visited a professional to find out that I really am affected with server social phobia. I have also had issues keeping jobs because of it as well. I know I was afraid to talk to her or act a certain way - all those symptoms you have with social anxiety - when I was with her that day. But I also think that maybe I did something that reminded her of a guy she had a bad experience with maybe? I don't know it is so confusing.
Anyway I am completely devastated - all this happened last year and tomorrow I am going to call her and just see if she would like to talk to me. I have waited a year to try and talk to her again. She is the only girl I ever tried to really get to know in my tire life - the rest of my life has been mostly house-bound due to sever anxiety. I am sad that my social anxiety may have played a role in causing her to say we can't be friends. It is very odd - she has other classmates I had on her "friends list" on this social networking site I met her on and not me. I thought of her all the time between high school and after. I knew I couldn't expect some kind of magic miracle where we would begin a relationship. I don't think I will ever have a real relationship in my entire life - but I sure didn't want to miss this chance to talk to someone I wanted to since the 9th grade.
You can only imagine how difficult this is to feel that after everything I did she doesn't want to be around me because I am shy!
This is pretty long - but I would like to hear any comments or if anyone else has had a similar experience in any way to this or just people in general making friends. This was an attempt at a friendship - not a date.
Back in high school (when I didn't know I had social anxiety as a disabling disorder) I never spoke to anyone Though it was a small school - I knew who people were but never spoke to any of them. I ate lunch under a tree every day far away from others. I just thought I was shy of course.
I had a crush on this girl for 4 years. and did a few things to let her know I liked her. Ironic thing is - she was the most beautiful girl on the campus so of couse - it was an impossible mission given my current social status. This may sound like a typical high school crush movie - or story - but it is real.
Anyway - all four years of high school - I don't think I ever knew anyone at all - not even teachers.. The only peer I remotely knew - was her and barely at that.
Every day at school literally I told myself " i am going to say hi to her today I am going to say hi". I couldn't I couldn't do anything but try to send her something in the mail. Like a mix tape or a nice note that said I though she was beautiful. (I had her address from someone that knew her through his church and gave it to me).
After high school I tried to stay in touch with her - by writing letters but I got a strange letter back from her dad (or someone that claimed to be him) - it said basically that "she doesn't want to see or hear from me again and to please stop trying to contact her". I felt like crap for years after this and couldn't understand it cause it didn't make any sense. After all I was just hoping to start a friendship with her.
So 16 years later (after high school ended) I saw her on one of those social networking sites because they automatically link you to your old classmates.
I was so happy and I actually tried to email her to see if she wanted to hang out and catch up because she lived in the same city as I did. I was not asking her for a date though.
She agreed to hang out and so at that moment I thought the letter I got from someone claiming to be her "dad" had to be a some kind of joke - right?
Anyway she was very skittish and it was very awkward when we met - but of course that could be expected considering the circumstances. I know that in high school - getting to know her was a turning point for me in trying to bust out of my shell. She mentioned she had a gotten out of a failed marriage of five years because her husband was mean - but she wouldn't tell me anything else about him.
When I saw her meet me - I was so excited that I welcomed her with light hug. I am sure she didn't expect it but neither did I. But I wanted to meet her this day to tell her all those things I couldn't back in high school because of my phobia. I had come a long way since then despite the issues I still deal with.
I could not tell her all of these things when I met with her because somethings was wrong with her (and I was having a panic attack the entire time anyway). She told me she felt trapped and I had no idea what that meant. I just felt like I did something wrong and from that point on I figured I better not try to "spill my guts" and just focus on taking her back to her car. I guess this is one of those ways that woman act after some kind of abuse. I did ask her about the letter from her "dad" and she said she knew nothing about it and suggested "maybe it was one of her friends or something" - I thought that was kind of an odd statement.
Four months had gone by since we met up and we had exchanged some casual emails. I decided to ask her when she was able to hang out again (because I wanted to give it some time before I tried to get to know know her - I REALLY feel like I opened the doors beautifully for a friendship and I wanted to make it happen). I didn't want to give up this chance - I mean how many guys get the chance to do something like this - and how many actually TAKE that chance.
She replied to the email and said something like "I am sure your a great person but I am not right now, I don't know when I will be able to hang out".
I was ok with that but it sounded like she was cutting me off completely forever - even to maybe exchange email or something. I called her and asked her for some clarification cause I after all I had been through I was starting to become worried - and I was afraid of something I may have done wrong to scare her away.
She told me on the phone that we were not going to be friends, and when I asked her why - she said that it is hard to explain. I asked if I did something wrong - she was very hazy and didn't really answer my question. I said "is it me" she said "there is something about you that makes me uncomfortable and it was the same feeling I had in high school". This statement made no sense at all to me - I never even knew her well in high school and why would she have met up with me at all 16 years later if she really thought that. But moreover I pushed harder to find out what it was she wasn't telling me. when i said " what is it about me that you don't like? " - she said "your just shy". Keep in mind - I had no intention of asking her to date me - she knew I was only interested in friendship.
I later found out from one of her friends that she had a terror fear of new relationships and that it wasn't me. But of course I still feel guilty.
This did it for me right here. I have since visited a professional to find out that I really am affected with server social phobia. I have also had issues keeping jobs because of it as well. I know I was afraid to talk to her or act a certain way - all those symptoms you have with social anxiety - when I was with her that day. But I also think that maybe I did something that reminded her of a guy she had a bad experience with maybe? I don't know it is so confusing.
Anyway I am completely devastated - all this happened last year and tomorrow I am going to call her and just see if she would like to talk to me. I have waited a year to try and talk to her again. She is the only girl I ever tried to really get to know in my tire life - the rest of my life has been mostly house-bound due to sever anxiety. I am sad that my social anxiety may have played a role in causing her to say we can't be friends. It is very odd - she has other classmates I had on her "friends list" on this social networking site I met her on and not me. I thought of her all the time between high school and after. I knew I couldn't expect some kind of magic miracle where we would begin a relationship. I don't think I will ever have a real relationship in my entire life - but I sure didn't want to miss this chance to talk to someone I wanted to since the 9th grade.
You can only imagine how difficult this is to feel that after everything I did she doesn't want to be around me because I am shy!
