I really need help with the loneliness.

[Brandon94]

As said in a previous topic I have a bad case of social anxiety so I tend to have difficulties meeting or getting to know people. I've been single a long time and I find the loneliness eating away at me every chance it gets. I don't know what to do, I can't get a girlfriend, I'm not even sure i could handle one, but the loneliness has me feeling so empty.. I find myself always wallowing in self pity, thinking about how pathetic I consider myself. It's ripping my life apart, what do I do?

 

[bsammy]

any chance you could go to a social anxiety or avoidant support group in your area?im in a similar boat, i feel terrible and cant fit in with normal people, makes me feel terrible.

 

[satstrn]

Find something you like to do and get good at it. I feel the same things as you but expecting something to change without changing something about yourself first isn't how life works, as long as you pity yourself then things will stay the same. You could start by taking small steps, ie making small talk with women and people in general or putting your effort into something thats meaningful to you (hobbies, interests, etc). If you don't change something then you can expect things to remain the same, to death if you let it. Its a harsh reality that we all have to come to. We have to ask ourselves "how can we change" instead of asking ourselves "why are things the way they are". The former is far more difficult and take patience, discipline, courage, and hard work. The latter involves giving in and as you say, wallowing in self-pity. Action is key.

 

[Porto]

Got to meet some people from your area with some problems, Know some cases of SA groups that got together and from there some friendships were made. Give it try and let me know how is going! Good luck

 

[vj288]

I find myself always wallowing in self pity, thinking about how pathetic I consider myself.

Your answer is right here, stop doing this! I know, it's one of those things easier said then done, but once you do it'll really help with the loneliness. There's nothing wrong with being by yourself a lot of the time, it doesn't make you pathetic. And if the way things are going now isn't working for you now, mix it up! Try something new, take a break from something you are doing a lot. Maybe just go out where there are people, get used to being around them. Bar, restaurant, park, gym, store, wherever you feel comfortable. Most importantly, remember you're NOT pathetic. One thing I've caught myself doing that makes me feeling lonely is "should" statements. If I don't have a girlfriend or any friends, I "should" feel lonely. Not true! You don't have to feel a certain way because you're in a certain situation, it's all up to how you look at it. It's great if you can work toward spending more time with other people and developing relationships, but you don't have to feel bad about yourself if you don't. I don't think any less of you, and you shouldn't either.

 

[nafadda]

Have you thought about getting a cat or dog?? If you got a dog you could take him/her for walks and enjoy some outside time.Animals can be so great and they love you no matter how your feeling...just a thought =^..^=

but if you are unable to take the responsibility of a pet,PLEASE do NOT get one.they depend on their human far too much to subject them to that.

 

[Brandon94]

Thanks for all the replys! I find myself being really annoyed by people I'm familiar with and scared of people I don't know judging me.. I don't know why.. I purposely avoid hanging out with my friends just so I can watch tv and or play video games. I just find myself loathing everybody and everything. Online I tend to feel more socialable, I feel more like myself, or.. At least who I want to be.. Calm, mature, insightful. In person I'm an awkward insecure mess of emotions.. As for the pet, I have a dog, but I find walking him, to be a chore because all he does is fight with me while walking. That along with school, family, friends, future, past, present, and the loneliness.. I'm so lost..