I never thought it would come to this...(rant)

[LonelyLeaf]

..but I am seriously wishing I was dead! I am so confused about everything, about my life, about my past actions, about me..I just can't figure it out! I give up! I give up! I'm such a mess I don't even know where to begin..there are just so many things wrong with me! I've tried and tried and tried to do my best, I've tried to figure it out, but it's like a spidersweb and the more you try, the more entangled you get..it's impossible..people are unfathomable to me and I am unfathomable to them and I am even unfathomable to myself. What's the point? Tell me what's the bleeding point?! No one likes me, everyone hates me..every day is living hell..my parents laugh at me..I have no social skills..I'm ugly..Who knows?! I'm tired, I'm exhausted! I'm an evil psychopath devoid of empathy, and no one, I repeat no one should be allowed to come within 30 yards of me! I am contaminous, I am sick, I should be incarcerated...I'm losing it, my mind is going..I can't take it no more...my life has been a mess from day one and the good things I had I gave up on and instead isolated myself! Why? How the hell should I know?! I don't know!! I'm confused! Because I was too much of a coward to deal with problems instead of giving up? Because of my SA? Or depression or agoraphobia or other problems? I don't know! I'm a kind, sweet guy who has always tried to do the right thing and somehow I manage to do the wrong thing and botch it up..I make choices I shouldn't make instead of facing problems, I hurt others feelings and don't even realize it, I'm a nasty person and yet I try not to be...don't even bother to answer this thread..there's no point..I am beyond help now..It's downhill from here on the road to hell..

 

[LonelyLeaf]

NO! This cannot and MUST not be the end! That's IT I've had up to HERE with this crap!! Finish with self-pity, finish with hating myself, finish with all this crap...I either do or die..I am finished living like this..enough is enough..it's time to take control of my life and take ACTION! No more playing the victim..so from tomorrow morning I will start slowly but surely fighting my way back!

 

[Sacrament]

YOU TELL 'EM!

 

[GotMeWrong]

I watched a very interesting movie on television this evening. Well actually I only caught the ending. It was about a teacher with Tourrette's. He delivers a speech during an awards ceremony in which he thanks his disability for being his greatest teacher and that he didn't allow it to stop him from working, playing, or falling in love. He learned to keep going, to never quit, to not to let it win. That is how I see the SA sometimes and I need to abide by this. We cannot let this win and stop us from experiencing and realizing our dreams; to stop us from working, playing, or falling in love.

 

[enchantress24]

I don't know! I'm a kind, sweet guy who has always tried to do the right thing and somehow I manage to do the wrong thing and botch it up..I make choices I shouldn't make instead of facing problems, I hurt others feelings and don't even realize it, I'm a nasty person and yet I try not to be...don't even bother to answer this thread..there's no point..I am beyond help now..It's downhill from here on the road to hell..

reading this made me really sad. i've always been a very kind, sweet person, trying to do the right thing, trying to make others happy and i aways end up 'f***ing up. i hurt my family..i hurt my friends. my depression has made me cold, bitter, sarcastic on the outside, even though, im crying on the inside most of the time.

 

[freestylemonster]

Hey don't worry about it. We all have days like this sometimes. Just last Saturday I couldn't even go out that night because I was too depressed. I just laid in my bed with loud sad music playing, wishing I could just go to sleep and never wake up...

But right now I gotta say I can't believe I even thought that!!! I love life right now and I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!

Just keep chuggin onward and in a while you'll be fine

 

[hartbrokenvirgo]

god i feel you so effin much! i think i may have just reached the no turning back point!!!!!!!!!! it has to end now for me, i have to get over this desease, we have to fight thid together it isnt fair that we cant enjoy life the way we need to

 

[morningstar]

Same here one day I can feel utterly lost and almost give up and the next I am so grateful for life... don't quit fighting, keep at it!!

 

[LonelyLeaf]

I watched a very interesting movie on television this evening. Well actually I only caught the ending. It was about a teacher with Tourrette's. He delivers a speech during an awards ceremony in which he thanks his disability for being his greatest teacher and that he didn't allow it to stop him from working, playing, or falling in love. He learned to keep going, to never quit, to not to let it win. That is how I see the SA sometimes and I need to abide by this. We cannot let this win and stop us from experiencing and realizing our dreams; to stop us from working, playing, or falling in love.

I totally agree with you on that point...do you know what the movie is called?

Anyway, I feel better today , just needed to get that out...I'm just so tired of living with SA.

 

[Lexmark]

Nice rant
I feel alot like that lately
Its fucked

 

[GotMeWrong]

The movie is called Front of the Class. Glad to hear you are feeling better.

 

[theblank]

..but I am seriously wishing I was dead! I am so confused about everything, about my life, about my past actions, about me..I just can't figure it out! I give up! I give up! I'm such a mess I don't even know where to begin..there are just so many things wrong with me! I've tried and tried and tried to do my best, I've tried to figure it out, but it's like a spidersweb and the more you try, the more entangled you get..it's impossible..people are unfathomable to me and I am unfathomable to them and I am even unfathomable to myself. What's the point? Tell me what's the bleeding point?! No one likes me, everyone hates me..every day is living hell..my parents laugh at me..I have no social skills..I'm ugly..Who knows?! I'm tired, I'm exhausted! I'm an evil psychopath devoid of empathy, and no one, I repeat no one should be allowed to come within 30 yards of me! I am contaminous, I am sick, I should be incarcerated...I'm losing it, my mind is going..I can't take it no more...my life has been a mess from day one and the good things I had I gave up on and instead isolated myself! Why? How the hell should I know?! I don't know!! I'm confused! Because I was too much of a coward to deal with problems instead of giving up? Because of my SA? Or depression or agoraphobia or other problems? I don't know! I'm a kind, sweet guy who has always tried to do the right thing and somehow I manage to do the wrong thing and botch it up..I make choices I shouldn't make instead of facing problems, I hurt others feelings and don't even realize it, I'm a nasty person and yet I try not to be...don't even bother to answer this thread..there's no point..I am beyond help now..It's downhill from here on the road to hell..

I hear what you're saying. Some days I feel like this myself. I find myself completely overwhelmed, perplexed, lost, confused, etc. about who I am, what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and how things got this way. Then the next day I feel fine and I keep going on. But that's just it....we've got to keep going on and not give up hope.

 

[jpm790]

i know how u feel

I really do know how you feel. I have become such a depressed, bitter, hopeless guy lately. It seems like all I can see anymore is just one big black hole. I really dont know who I am, i used to but I only partly do now. I dont want to kill myself, but I really do wish that I would cease to exist somedays.

 

[LonelyLeaf]

The movie is called Front of the Class. Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Thanks GotMeWrong. I like stories like that where someone overcomes their problems and achieve their dreams...

 

[GotMeWrong]

You're welcome LonelyLeaf.