I need help! Meeting my family in law

[Nalenia]

Hi all
First off - I'm from denmark so I apologize if my english isn't the best

Ok - a little about me. Im new on this forum. Im a 20 year old girl and I had social phobia my whole life. I have a freelance job, i have never met my boss or my co-workers, (im translating text from english to danish on the internet), i cant have a 'normal' job.. I still live home. omg all this sounds so bad.

Anyways, I've met this fantastic guy that I feel i want to share the rest of my life with, we're so the same in everything.
Only 1 problem - he happends to have a big and NOT shy family, with loads of family parties etc.. Which probably would be good, but for me its not that good

I have never met his family before, only his brother a few times. This saturday im going to his brothers (a brother i havent met) girlfriends birthday. And of cours everyone is gonna be there including his parents and everything.

And I could just kill myself.. I have no clue on anything. I have to go because it will make him happy and well i have to meet them at some point. He is aware that I have social phobia and how nervous I am, and he is nice and telling me how he is gonna be with me all the time and not leave me alone and so on..

I am so nervous, i could cry all day long. I cant sleep, i cant do anything.

But im so scared.. Does anyone have any advice? Anyone have this happended before? What did you do?

Anything is appreciated.. Thank you so much for reading this, i hope it dosn't sound too silly.

 

[mads]

First of all, no need to apologize about your English. Your English is very good I think, and a lot of people here like me, dont have English as their first language.

Second nothing is silly here, so dont worry about that.

Third and the most important. CONGRATULATIONS for finding the right guy for you. That is quite a special thing to do. I am sure your boyfriend will do anything he can so you can feel welcome there. Has he told his family about your SA ?

 

[Nalenia]

Thank you for such a nice answer
I dont know any other people with social phobia, so all this is quite new for me (off topic, but i would like to get to know other people with social phobia, so please feel free to PM me)

To answer your question - Yes he have told them a little about my social phobia and how i probably will be quite shy. In fact he had it himself for a few years in his teenage years, so he can understand me to a certain point.

It makes me feel abit better that they know, but I still feel horrible about it. Just thinking of it, makes my stomach hurt.

Im probably just thinking of it too much lol..

 

[Lost Girl]

Hi Nalenia .

If your guy has had SA in the past, and he has explained that you have it to his family already, then ahhhh that is a godsend! They will expect you to be a little shy, so I don't think you have too much to worry about, they sound very understanding already .

When you meet them just be friendly and try to open up when they ask you questions. Seeing as it is someone's party, that means the focus won't entirely be on you so that is a good thing! And don't worry about your nerves, EVERYONE gets nervous when it comes to 'meeting the family'. Just try not to worry about it too much and try to enjoy yourself and have a nice time .


I'll just add that my partner is also from a loud-mouthed party-hard family, and even 8 years on, I still warn him not to leave my side until I give him some sort of signal that I'm alright to be left alone with them haha. So maybe work something out with him that will let him know you need rescuing if the attention gets a little too much.

 

[mads]

You are welcome

And welcome to spw.

You are not alone, there is at least 1 or 2 in every class with social phobia, so there is a lot.

I think you are thinking too much about it, but I hope you have talked to your boyfriend that you are thinking a lot about it, so he can do anything he can to help you

Maybe you two should do something that you like first or the day before, so you can move your thoughts on something else.

 

[Lost Girl]

Maybe you two should do something that you like first or the day before, so you can move your thoughts on something else.

Yes! Nice one! I've only just started using this approach over the past 6months or so whenever some scary event is coming up and it definitely takes the edge off.

 

[Nalenia]

Hi Nalenia .

If your guy has had SA in the past, and he has explained that you have it to his family already, then ahhhh that is a godsend! They will expect you to be a little shy, so I don't think you have too much to worry about, they sound very understanding already .

When you meet them just be friendly and try to open up when they ask you questions. Seeing as it is someone's party, that means the focus won't entirely be on you so that is a good thing! And don't worry about your nerves, EVERYONE gets nervous when it comes to 'meeting the family'. Just try not to worry about it too much and try to enjoy yourself and have a nice time .


I'll just add that my partner is also from a loud-mouthed party-hard family, and even 8 years on, I still warn him not to leave my side until I give him some sort of signal that I'm alright to be left alone with them haha. So maybe work something out with him that will let him know you need rescuing if the attention gets a little too much.

Thanks for your reply! It certaintly help alot to know that i'm not the only one feeling this way. This is just what i needed to hear..
Ill try not to think so much about it and just try to be positive and see where it will take me. I'm so happy I found this site!

- And yeah it sounds like a good idea to do something funny together a day before, it will defently take off the worst feelings and thoughts.. Never thought of that really. thanks for that idea!

 

[fudgy]

I don't really qualify in advice in this stuff as I suffer a different mind fk than sa.

but...


looking in as an outsider it seems to me like you will be fine , because as frightened as you are, you are still intent on going and that takes guts and probably a lot of courage in your situation ...so good for you on that score.


Also a party is a far better place then all sat around staring at each other in someones front room !!! So you have a head start there.


You don't have to suffer with sa to feel a wreck at the prospect of meeting the in laws .. that is perfectly normal you know ...so take a little strain off yourself knowing we would all feel like that !!


This man cares , you think he is the one for you and he is willing to stand by you ... just wrap yourself up in that lovely feeling your getting from him and be as strong as you can be and go for it ...


finally ....your english is fabulous ...better than mine ..and I am english