shell_shocked
New member
ok....I''d considered all the other personality disorders...and I mean really sick ones like narcissistic, antisocial, as well as the less nasty but equally debilitating ones like schizoid, schizotypal...well they never quite fit. but avoidant was the one I wouldn't even consider, I guess the truth hurts - and I always dismissed it. But I've been having a real think lately, I have been very depressed, at my second-lowest ebb in terms of day to day living, and possibly lowest in terms of how I feel about my future (back in November/december I was living much less stabilly than I am now, and now I can sleep, exercise, watch tv, read, and ignore my depression - but back then I still had some hope that I would one day be with the girl I'm into, and now I do not, really). So anyway, let me tell a bit about myself, and ask if this sounds avoidant:
I'm reasonably shy about going into a shop, job interview, etc., but not really debilitatingly so. not so much as to make me avoidant. A minute or so hyping myself up, and I'm fine
I don't mind mmeeting new people one on one, or 2 on one if they don't know each other, but beyond that, I don't like it, though I've done it, and can passably get by
Day to day, I'm not so shy that I can't get by with people, I know how to hold a conversation etc., even if sometimes I can be very quiet, and it is an effort to get on with certain kinds of people who are quite different to me
Where the avoidance kicks in is on the big things. like approaching a girl. I don't think I've ever done it with someone I liked; I can do it when drunk, to "pull", but to tell a girl I like her, well, that just seems beyond me.
So I'm avoidant about the big things. I fell in love with a girl who had a (absent) boyfriend, and though I was completely in love, and we had been friends, the more I liked her, the more I could not bare even to see her. I cut her out of my life, she approached me again to be friends, I fell in love again, I couldn't tell her, I am now moving to another university, and will probably never see her again. This breaks my heart every day, it's broken my heart every day for baout 2 months, but I'm just too daunted by the htought of even adding her on MSN (she gave me her address in a round-about way - to give to someone else - but I didn't add her, and now it's too late).
Because of this depression, I don't want to go to sleep at night, because I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts, and I can't get up in the morning, so I don't get a summer job, and I keep telling myself that there's no point applying for a job until I get back from holiday - ie classic avoidant behaviour - I have kept putting it off - and my life is in inertia, I do NOTHING, my mum, I think, is beginning to worry about me.
I don't call my friends. I invent bad excuses to not go out with them. I think they get the message, and give up on me. I'm depressed to never go out, but yet, on any given night, I don't want to go out.
If I say so myself, I'm quite eloquent, I've had girls like me and I don't think I'm particualry unattractive compared to some of the guys I see with hot girls, I've had people want to be my friend, I don't consciously lack "self-esteem", yet I create these terrible situations for myself, because I'm so f****n scared to tell a girl I like her. I just think, now I've done so much to cut her out of my life, I can't just out of the blue tell her now. I mean, she's not gonna leave her boyfriend for some guy who ignored her for months and who never told her anything about himself.
So is this avoidant personality? Always unable to do what I want because of the mistakes I made in the past? Always lookign for a fresh start, but every time I make one, still missing the people I left behind?
And what can I do to change? What technques do avoidant people use? I want to change my life now. 20 years alone is too much. I'm afraid to go to bed in case my mind comes into play. this can't continue.
I'm reasonably shy about going into a shop, job interview, etc., but not really debilitatingly so. not so much as to make me avoidant. A minute or so hyping myself up, and I'm fine
I don't mind mmeeting new people one on one, or 2 on one if they don't know each other, but beyond that, I don't like it, though I've done it, and can passably get by
Day to day, I'm not so shy that I can't get by with people, I know how to hold a conversation etc., even if sometimes I can be very quiet, and it is an effort to get on with certain kinds of people who are quite different to me
Where the avoidance kicks in is on the big things. like approaching a girl. I don't think I've ever done it with someone I liked; I can do it when drunk, to "pull", but to tell a girl I like her, well, that just seems beyond me.
So I'm avoidant about the big things. I fell in love with a girl who had a (absent) boyfriend, and though I was completely in love, and we had been friends, the more I liked her, the more I could not bare even to see her. I cut her out of my life, she approached me again to be friends, I fell in love again, I couldn't tell her, I am now moving to another university, and will probably never see her again. This breaks my heart every day, it's broken my heart every day for baout 2 months, but I'm just too daunted by the htought of even adding her on MSN (she gave me her address in a round-about way - to give to someone else - but I didn't add her, and now it's too late).
Because of this depression, I don't want to go to sleep at night, because I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts, and I can't get up in the morning, so I don't get a summer job, and I keep telling myself that there's no point applying for a job until I get back from holiday - ie classic avoidant behaviour - I have kept putting it off - and my life is in inertia, I do NOTHING, my mum, I think, is beginning to worry about me.
I don't call my friends. I invent bad excuses to not go out with them. I think they get the message, and give up on me. I'm depressed to never go out, but yet, on any given night, I don't want to go out.
If I say so myself, I'm quite eloquent, I've had girls like me and I don't think I'm particualry unattractive compared to some of the guys I see with hot girls, I've had people want to be my friend, I don't consciously lack "self-esteem", yet I create these terrible situations for myself, because I'm so f****n scared to tell a girl I like her. I just think, now I've done so much to cut her out of my life, I can't just out of the blue tell her now. I mean, she's not gonna leave her boyfriend for some guy who ignored her for months and who never told her anything about himself.
So is this avoidant personality? Always unable to do what I want because of the mistakes I made in the past? Always lookign for a fresh start, but every time I make one, still missing the people I left behind?
And what can I do to change? What technques do avoidant people use? I want to change my life now. 20 years alone is too much. I'm afraid to go to bed in case my mind comes into play. this can't continue.
