I hurt myself 5 minutes ago

[maybe insane]

Long story short,i "suffered" from OCD in many different forms over the years,only few months ago i figured out what it was.I had a very hard month then.(gay,killing,kids...this kind of stuff)And then it just vanished.
Everything was OK,and after that 1 month ago i did something stupid,i got Drunk and had an intrusive thought to kill myself.(for no reason,i wasn't sad or something)I got out of the window,and just stood there(i live on the 8th floor)thinking,hey,in 3-4 seconds it's over!Only then i realised what i wanted to do,and got back in the house.I was shocked than,and even now.I could have slipped or something,and died on the spot,for no reason.
But that passed,and after that,i became obsessed with the idea that i don't have OCD(because the thoughts where gone)and that was really strange.I just "wanted" to think sick thoughts,because that meant i was normal...yeah sounds stupid.
That passed,and 5 minutes ago i finished my book.I was writing it for almost 8 months.and Finally it's done!!
The character there,who resembles me,almost dies at the end of the book.that is the finishing scene.(i was thinking of that scene the moment i started the book)So it ends kinda epic(from my point of view)but i;m not happy,i don't feel anything.And then a song comes on YouTube(i listen to play lists)that is really epic.(immediate music-with great power).And i begin to feel things,like i am in the book,like this is Epic!!!
So i get my knife(i have a collection)and cut my right hand,3 times,quite deep,as i listen to the song.(feeling godlike).That is scary now,but i dunno why,when something very important happens,i feel like i have to go and cut myself,like a permanent scar to what happened!(i have almost 10 little scars,and some really big ones on my hands).
OK now,so please tell me,am i going insane?or is this just me?

 

[Danfalc]

I dont have ocd so I probaly have no idea of what your going through.But im sure some people can relate.What I do know is self harming is never the way forward.You said you feel like you have to hurt yourself everytime something important happens,nothing is important enough that you should scar yourself over it.Your not insane,insane people dont know they are insane half the time,but it does sound like your struggling to cope with your ocd which is understandable,do you have anyone to talk to?

 

[me2314325]

I dont have ocd so I probaly have no idea of what your going through.But im sure some people can relate.What I do know is self harming is never the way forward.You said you feel like you have to hurt yourself everytime something important happens,nothing is important enough that you should scar yourself over it.Your not insane,insane people dont know they are insane half the time,but it does sound like your struggling to cope with your ocd which is understandable,do you have anyone to talk to?

Just to myself,because my OCD my social life is almost not existent,i have very good friends,but they are all far away,because i find it hard to have friends whom i see all day long.It's strange...but what i did was just an impuls,and i know that,the problem is i keep acting on them,even every time i say that it was the last time!!!

 

[chained]

I think u are afraid of being happy9 u lost the ocd)..because u think if u are happy that something bad will happen later.. so that that doesn't happen u cut urself, u do the damage to urself, not someone or something else.. dunno.. could be a lot of things.. but surely not insanity.
does it make u feel safe to cut urself.. iunno.. I am no doctor.. can u consult with someone?

 

[Danfalc]

Just to myself,because my OCD my social life is almost not existent,i have very good friends,but they are all far away,because i find it hard to have friends whom i see all day long.It's strange...but what i did was just an impuls,and i know that,the problem is i keep acting on them,even every time i say that it was the last time!!!

The next time you get an self harming impulse,just refuse to act on it..dont try and blank it out or ignore it,but just dont act on it.Impulses tend to come on very strong,but if you just stay strong enough to resist them,they lose there power quickly

 

[Elenwen]

I've heard of a lot of people who self-harm feeling the need to "mark" a major event in their life on themselves. I've never felt the need to do it, but it's not completely unheard of.

If you get urges again, I suggest trying to distract yourself from them. Do something you enjoy, or do something mindless (the mindless thing is what works for me), or if the thoughts intrude on you when you try to do something mindless, then do something that requires a lot of thinking, like a crossword puzzle or something. Everyone has different distractions that work for them, it might take awhile to figure out what works for you. One thing that helps almost every time I'm feeling urgy is to talk to people about it. Whether they help me work through what it is that's triggering me or if they just keep me occupied and distracted, by the time I'm done talking to them the urge is normally gone.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me, I don't have much life so I'm normally logged on like, all the time.

 

[mrb]

dont do that to yourself please ... your not insane you just have bad feelings inside you , were you dont know were to channel ... really that isnt the way to Release those bad feelings ..