That is excellent signs. Totally agree with everything you say.
I have been in the same job for 6 years now, not because I want to be, but because of two things - not knowing what I should do next and not feeling confident enough to go for it. I am seriously bored senseless with where I am stoodstill in life, but I don't want to leave until I have got to the point I am aiming for (which I feel I will get to sometime this year). I just would find it so daunting and scary leaving so many friends and people I know (basically the only people I know in the local area as my family and friends have all moved on) and I don't want to start afresh until I feel I have the confidence to handle and relish a new start and meeting new people, may have to put myself into situations I currently feel very uncomfortable in (i.e. lots of training courses where you have to introduce yourself and do role play at the front). But I do feel I am very close to reaching that point.
I totally know how you feel when you think about where I could be in life right now, how much better and more exciting my life could be right now if only I was following some path in life to keep progressing. I mean have you ever looked at friends reunited? What a depressing read, people who it doesn't seem that long ago I was at school with and just as intelligent and once just as confident until the name calling, put downs, ridicule, etc left me with zero self confidence. People are married, have moved all over the land, have good careers, seem to be achieving a lot in life, and I think of myself, in a really bog standard job, very little happening in my life and back in the town I went to school in. But seriously, when you have SA, can you really go for it in life? I mean its easy if you have confidence and belief that you will succeed in a new start.
I totally agree, new things are so exciting. God I miss it so much. When I was a student I moved to a new city away from home. I met new people, learnt new things, met friends in new cities, everything was spontaneous and new and exciting. This will sound silly but I even got a buzz out of walking along corridors I have never been down before, just the sort of mystery around the place and what happens. But the difference back then was that although it was new, we had a set path that we had to follow - i.e. starting university, meeting new people who I lived with and on my courses, knowing where I have to study, where my lectures would be, you had that direction and path to follow. But after I graduated you are left to do whatever you want in life. There is no one telling you what to do or what path to take. I think I need that in my life right now, because you get in a rut, you enter the comfort zone where everything is so easy and non stressful, but you just drift along in day to day life and weeks become months, months become years and you realise that you are actually achieving nothing that you want in life.
You are right fear is natural and good, but when your core beliefs behind the fear are so exaggerated that the fear is just unbearable and out of tune with the fear most people feel in the same situation, then that is pretty destructive. I mean I have worked on my fear of speaking this weekend and am really challenging the core beliefs. I mean come on speaking isn't scary, its natural, its so common that no one batters an eye lid of people speaking. I just have to put these core beliefs right and then I will feel ready for a new start. I have real hopes that I can overcome all of this within a month from now, so fingers crossed.
But then like you say, I will face the question of what is next for me? I would like to think when I am ready things will fall into place, new challenges and new beginnings will be exciting and easy to take on. Fool if you think its over, its just begun!
