I feel like cursed.

[Minerva]

I really need some advices.It is serious.My problem is:

Any thing that I desire,I am ending losing it.For example.I wanted to get to the University,but now I doubt if I'll ever get.I wanted to have music lessons,but my parents forbid it.My father abandon me,but he is calling me and he is giving me 'orders' like a slave or a little kid,while I am 18 years old.And not because of love--but for using.He has an other child too,and an other woman.My mother has an other man and she doesn't give a damn about me.She was never near to me to my tough moments.Like cheering me up and showing affection.So,until now,that I am 18,I passed all those years like alone.Not having the supporting of my family or of a lover.
I have friends,a lot.But when they are dating a person,they forget me.I had never a serious relationship;the guys that I met and kinda liked,they just wanted to lay with me and then go and look for another.
But recently,I felt like losing everything with this:
I have a crush on a guy.But we don't know that good each other;we've been talking for 1 month or snline though--but we would meet someday.I know what are you thinking about.It is online,nonsense,but things were really different and that how I felt.
Anyways,I am not sure if he really likes me that way,but I doubt if he does.He said to a friend I have that I am interesting and such,and also he was nice to me,but he is nice to anyone--part of his personality.He is like,"I am here for you",but I know,it doesn't mean anything.
He is that hyper,but I am so calm,and I sound so cold.I wish somebody could tell me what to do to gain his love.I don't want to lose him.Even if he loves somebody else.But..but...it is unfair.That's my view.Unfair,because almost all of my friends are in a relationship,and I am the only that they consider 'strange.'

So,I think I have a depression problem.I hope you can help me somehow,with advices and such.And please,serious answers.

 

[Diluted_Acid]

The Deftones are awesome btw! (assuming you like their song 'Minerva'). Okay with university, i too am worrying about getting in, but luckily, there are always back ways into getting into it, say through other 'inferioir' institutions or maybe this uni might offer you a program to begin a course you like there after completing it. Eitherway there are always ways to get into uni, or atleast where im from there are.

With your friends, i'm happy you have alot. I also have quite a few friends i see alot (however none really which go outta their way for me), and funnily enough yeah they also are all caught up in the whole dating thing too, and yep im left out too. Seriously, everything about your relationship experiences . . . i can relate even as a guy, whether it be about the opposite sex or friends in general. I've been used pretty bad by a couple of girls, and i think instead of letting it upset you, that they may just only want you physically. I think its best to just learn from it and not take it at heart. Guys in general are overly keen on one night stands or just screwing, not all though . . .

Lastly, please don't take this the wrong way, but i notice you use 'love' alot. Okay i did use to tell some i 'loved them', but in all honesty, as much as we would all like to love, and let it come soo easy for us all, love is seriously something only really mature people will understand (love as in loving someone as a parnter i mean). So my best advice would be accepting that maybe only until you develop a firm relationship, whilst dating someone, that that is when you MIGHT be able to finally say you love someone (depending on how you truly feel, not what you WANT to feel). With this online guy you've been speaking to, i would try safely meeting up with him (just as friends first), then see how it goes from there. Try prioritising having a bf before finding love. Because loving somone is a really big thing, and at a young age, can only really hurt you if you end up losing the one you love.

Lastly, i would also recommend you keep this online guy as a friend for now (but try meet up if you like with him), and nto just focus all over him and no other guys. You sound young still like me. Try experiment, talk to other guys too, online and in real life if you wish. Make friends first, then see where it leads you. Sorry if this sounds a bit odd to you. I guess a female perspective may be possibly a little more comprehensible and helpful. All the best anyhow, and let me know how its going or what you think.