I don't know what to do

R

Richard-Edinburgh

Member
hi folks, i have ongoing issue with Social Anxiety that has gotten a lot worse in the past year or two. I suffer in the following situations, most of which I try my absolute best to avoid::(:

I get anxious when

The door bell rings (even worse if someone knocks!)
The phone rings
I get mail, it takes days to open it
Confrontation
saying "no" to someone
approaching someone and striking up a conversation
being first to walk into a room where i don't know anyone

but the worst thing for me nowadays is parties/celebrations. and there seems to be a never ending supply of them at the moment. my wife knows about my problem and usually "protects" me by not leaving me alone. I can't stress enough what these do to me. I put on a smile but inside i'm dying. i just want it to end. so far this year we have had an anniversary, 2 engagements, a christening and a 21st. we have my brother-in-laws wedding in a few weeks and the thing i dread most in the whole world and I am about to pull out or at least I would if i was not so scared of confrontation. I am due to be best man at my best friends wedding. I have been hiding in a sense and been putting off getting measured for my kilt because I can't or wont allow myself to consider actually doing it. he has so many friends i dont know, i as best man have to organise a lot and the thing that makes me want to run away and go missing is the best mans speach.
I just don't want to be best man but I know i would be letting him down. in short i am crying as i type this, i feel a sad pathetic 32yr old man.
what can i do?
any advice would be appreciated!
 
kihira

kihira

1
Hi - there are two things you need to do:

1. See someone about therapy for your SA
2. Talk to you friend about the best man situation. Is he aware of your SA? If he is then he would understand about you not wanting to do it. Maybe he was in two minds about asking you to be the best man anyway - fearing hurting your feeling by not asking you & worried about whether you would want to do it

:)
 
Voltar

Voltar

Member
I think you might be my twin brother or something Richard, I'm also 32 and have similar anxiety problems. You are not alone! I'm dreading my brother, who's 35, getting married because I'm one of the best men and will have to give a best mans speech. He's not even in a long-term relationship yet but I've been thinking about how I will do the speech for years, it's so sad). I'm fine talking one on one but 2+ people, let alone talking to a crowd, terrifies me more than death. I don't like people looking at me, especially not for longer than a few seconds. What's worse is that my brother is crazy popular and a barrister, so there will be hundreds of people at the wedding, many of them "bloody" public speakers! I even think about avoiding getting to know any friend too well in case they ask me to be their best man too lol. It's so messed up.

The bottom line is you just have to find a way to do it, as will I when the time comes. Whether that be seeing a professional, taking a prescribed pill on the day so you are more relaxed, or maybe taking some classes to talk in front of very small groups to build your confidence. Or all of the above. If you're anything like me it's an ongoing battle, and you just have to take this day by day and work on yourself in baby steps.

On the plus side you must be doing something right to have a loving wife, friends who invite you to parties/celebrations and someone who wants you to be their best man! Just focus on that. Focus on your outcome, your best friend and the stories you can tell and just singing his praises. Noone will be expecting a toastmasters-worthy speech and I bet you have some funny stories to tell about your friend.

I think if you can find the courage to do this it will really make you rethink what you are capable of.

Best wishes.
 
R

Richard-Edinburgh

Member
Voltar said:
I think you might be my twin brother or something Richard, I'm also 32 and have similar anxiety problems. You are not alone! I'm dreading my brother, who's 35, getting married because I'm one of the best men and will have to give a best mans speech. He's not even in a long-term relationship yet but I've been thinking about how I will do the speech for years, it's so sad). I'm fine talking one on one but 2+ people, let alone talking to a crowd, terrifies me more than death. I don't like people looking at me, especially not for longer than a few seconds. What's worse is that my brother is crazy popular and a barrister, so there will be hundreds of people at the wedding, many of them "bloody" public speakers! I even think about avoiding getting to know any friend too well in case they ask me to be their best man too lol. It's so messed up.

The bottom line is you just have to find a way to do it, as will I when the time comes. Whether that be seeing a professional, taking a prescribed pill on the day so you are more relaxed, or maybe taking some classes to talk in front of very small groups to build your confidence. Or all of the above. If you're anything like me it's an ongoing battle, and you just have to take this day by day and work on yourself in baby steps.

On the plus side you must be doing something right to have a loving wife, friends who invite you to parties/celebrations and someone who wants you to be their best man! Just focus on that. Focus on your outcome, your best friend and the stories you can tell and just singing his praises. Noone will be expecting a toastmasters-worthy speech and I bet you have some funny stories to tell about your friend.

I think if you can find the courage to do this it will really make you rethink what you are capable of.

Best wishes.
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the thing is it scares me so badly, even tho i would risk friendship I can't contemplate it. I am at the point of breaking I can;t handle it any more. i cant believe how pathetic that sounds and how sad an individual i have become.
 
megalon

megalon

Well-known member
My brother has asked me to be his best man too. Luckily though, they haven't set a date yet so it won't be anytime soon, and my brother and his fiance know about my anxiety and they promised me I won't have to make a speech. I'm sure I'll have to deal with awkward questions of why I'm not making a speech, but I'd rather deal with that than the speech itself.
 
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