john21
New member
I am a 19 year old college student and the last 3 months have have a job where all I do is sit and program phones by myself for five hours. It all started when I didnt like knowing how many phones I had programmed, I only liked finding out at the end. The problem is after each hour is over I write down how many I had so even though I keep telling myself not to count them its impossible because I know how many I have had in each hour and do the math in my head without even wanting to.
It has escalated since then. You know when people say "I cant remember, thats gonna really bug me"? Well I do that except magnified by 1000. I can tell you stupid minor shit from three months ago that I couldnt remember and it bugs the shit out of me.
I just think about retarded stuff. Death included and I tell myself to stop thinking about it and that makes it worse. Because then I just think about having this thinking problem. I wake up and the first thing I say is oh god here we go again. One example is I was watchin a baseball game of my favorite team...a huge play happened where they won the game and I felt I didnt celebrate "properly" and it killed me because I wouldnt have a re-do or anything like that. That kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME.
Really my main problem is that I have this problem, if that makes any sense. Its like when I tell myself not to remember things or do things...BOOM its permanent in my mind forever. When things like that baseball game happen it bugs me for a while but I get over it after a good nights rest...the problem IS the next day its something else and basically having this "extreme memory" problem is consuming my life.
What brought me to this site though is this problem I am having lately. I am going to a 21 month school and one day I started thinking wow time is flying I am almost done. Since then, I have this thing where I know the exact date every single day and I even think about tomorrows date. I think about the date and how many days I have left of school basically every minute. As I said earlier Im the type of person that likes to be surprised at things, I believe in time flies when your having fun....but its the opposite for me. Time is going SOOO slow and Im just obsessing over it.
I think about thinking basically every minute of the day. Im not a gross person but I think of twisted and gross shit basically because my mind is telling me not to....then after I think of it, it does not leave my head the rest of the day.
I don't know, I think my problem is my life has become so monotonous. School 7:30 to 12:30 and work 1:30 to 7. EVERY DAY. At school this problem is not so bad even though it sneaks up every now and then, mainly because I am having fun and keeping myself busy. I HATE WORK though, I just sit there doing the same thing over and over and over again every day. Talking to no one. I am fairly certain that if I quit this job, this problem might be calmed alot...but I cant do that, I got rent and a car payment. Im thinking a girlfriend might also help....it sucks living by yourself and just sitting there every night...I need something NEW in my life to distract myself.
To anyone who reads this entire thing(I needed to rant) I truly appreciate it, and any thoughts, comments or help would be great.
It has escalated since then. You know when people say "I cant remember, thats gonna really bug me"? Well I do that except magnified by 1000. I can tell you stupid minor shit from three months ago that I couldnt remember and it bugs the shit out of me.
I just think about retarded stuff. Death included and I tell myself to stop thinking about it and that makes it worse. Because then I just think about having this thinking problem. I wake up and the first thing I say is oh god here we go again. One example is I was watchin a baseball game of my favorite team...a huge play happened where they won the game and I felt I didnt celebrate "properly" and it killed me because I wouldnt have a re-do or anything like that. That kind of stuff happens ALL THE TIME.
Really my main problem is that I have this problem, if that makes any sense. Its like when I tell myself not to remember things or do things...BOOM its permanent in my mind forever. When things like that baseball game happen it bugs me for a while but I get over it after a good nights rest...the problem IS the next day its something else and basically having this "extreme memory" problem is consuming my life.
What brought me to this site though is this problem I am having lately. I am going to a 21 month school and one day I started thinking wow time is flying I am almost done. Since then, I have this thing where I know the exact date every single day and I even think about tomorrows date. I think about the date and how many days I have left of school basically every minute. As I said earlier Im the type of person that likes to be surprised at things, I believe in time flies when your having fun....but its the opposite for me. Time is going SOOO slow and Im just obsessing over it.
I think about thinking basically every minute of the day. Im not a gross person but I think of twisted and gross shit basically because my mind is telling me not to....then after I think of it, it does not leave my head the rest of the day.
I don't know, I think my problem is my life has become so monotonous. School 7:30 to 12:30 and work 1:30 to 7. EVERY DAY. At school this problem is not so bad even though it sneaks up every now and then, mainly because I am having fun and keeping myself busy. I HATE WORK though, I just sit there doing the same thing over and over and over again every day. Talking to no one. I am fairly certain that if I quit this job, this problem might be calmed alot...but I cant do that, I got rent and a car payment. Im thinking a girlfriend might also help....it sucks living by yourself and just sitting there every night...I need something NEW in my life to distract myself.
To anyone who reads this entire thing(I needed to rant) I truly appreciate it, and any thoughts, comments or help would be great.
