I don't know if I WANT to get better

[AdamWest]

How do you know if you really want to get over SA? I've always had social problems, the past 10 years I've been without any sort of close friends, my only real hobbies are sitting on the internet and watching tv. I'm so far beyond caring what anyone thinks of me. I don't even know if I have the ability to form any kind of close relationship with friends.

And sure I "want" to have money, I "want" to bulk up, I "want" to be smart, but I don't have the will to do these things, how do I know it's not the same with being social? Maybe I just don't have the will to. Maybe most of the people I meet I can't stand. Racists, religious nuts, people who care about stupid things.

Also with no real hobbies I don't have a heck of a lot to say to people. And I don't see much a point in making small talk with random people I'll never talk to again. Is there a way I can tell if I actually want to get over the SA or do I just want to live out my existance alone? Because I really can't picture myself ever having children, or "the girl", I'm not close to family, maybe this is just who I am.

 

[Erythrocyte]

I think you just have to ask yourself, "Am I happy?"...
If you are, then great
If you're not, then why not? what has to change for you to be happy?
maybe it has nothing to do with SA...

 

[random]

AdamWest,
At some point I decided that I should give up trying and just make myself comfortable as a recluse. I decided to buy cats to keep my mind frisky -you know - I was planning to become the 'odd cat woman'. Step after step I reasoned my way through what life would be like (easier I thought) when I stopped trying etc. And then I started having heart palpitations. While a cardiologist explained what tests they were going to do to my heart, I sat there wondering if maybe somewhere in there - I really did want to learn how to function like other people. I went to psychological counseling because I didn't want to keep having scarey medical tests etc. if it was actually internal fear. I have to say that trying to figure things out by reading books and websites like this one, and writing and focusing on my spiritual life (oh oh....you don' t like religious nuts) made me feel better whether I ever learn to be around people or not. In my isolation phase I really got used to not sleeping, not celebrating anything, not having hobbies etc. But after realizing things, taking some medication for awhile, realizing what my past really was etc - I now enjoy my time alone more.
For example - I took care of my mother when she was dying from the time I was 16 to 18 years old. And later in life - I saw that I was so introverted and can't be around people etc. but by then it was normal to feel that way.
But after working at it - I realized all the ways I secretly felt guilty for surviving when she died, felt like I didn't do well enough or she would have lived, still had pictures in my head of her suffering, accidentally broke her will to fight cancer etc - and after I got through all that - even my time alone is better. It's alot less like I am trying to get away from myself - I guess I didn't enjoy my own company. Since I got rid of some things like my mother's death (yes - still miss her but I don't miss feeling like she'd rather give up and die than be with me) I started filling my time alone with things I like more (guitar, sewing, reading) Didn't bounce me into being an extrovert but it did things for me that mattered to just me - alone. From that point of view - I have decided to keep trying to set things right in my life -and I notice without my trying at it - I have more place for people in my life. I think my lack of interest in being around people and lack of hobbies, interests was a result of things I had trouble thinking and feeling. And the more I deal with things I don't like in my life - the more interests I have, the better I feel being alone with myself, and yes - the more space for people I have. I mention this because I wonder if maybe that is true for you?

 

[thequietone]

I go through phases where I think I should just become a total recluse. Maybe this is just what I am, right? It's easier. I feel less stressed when I don't have to anticipate seeing people, so why not just avoid that which causes me anxiety?
This was my argument toward myself.
The thing is, life can be more than that. Life can be more than routine. And..even though we don't like to say it....humans ARE social animals. We were born as humans and born in this world whether we like it or not. And we have to live in it. And I am starting to believe now...finally...that maybe it can be an enjoyable experience. We choose our thoughts, even if it doesn't feel like it. If you don't like SA controling you (and I like having control!) then no body can change it but you.

:roll: There's my bit of wisdom for the day... Take care and hang in there!

 

[Screwdriver1020]

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