I beat it!


New member
hey there everyone,
I just stumbled upon this site doing a google search on 'new phobia medication'. I've never really joined an internet group like this and I'm not sure exactly how it works, and I'm not really up with some of the lingo either. (what's a blog?)
Anyway I thought I might share some of my story with u guys. I turned 36 this year, and I'd say I suffered from a fairly acute case of SP for at least 20 years out of 36. I'd say it would have started in my early teens around the same time as started secondary school. Of course I didn't really have any idea what it was and thought I was just incredibly shy, or even odd. When I was about 19 I chanced seeing a short documentary on TV very late one night. It was about agoraphobia. So many of the symptoms resembled my own and I suddenly at least could put a name to the what I was going through. (although I wasn't really agoraphobic, but that was my first self diagnosis)
Unfortunately, the reason I was up so late and happened to see the program, was that by age 19 I had become totally addicted to amphetamines and prescription medication. I'd say I started using amphetamines at about 16. They were a magic cure when I first found them. And I just couldn't get enough. But of course it didn't take long until they made the whole situation even worse. That's when I turned to benzodiazepines (in conjunction with the speed). I spent about 6 years totally off my face on any drug I could find. I used massive quantities of speed, injecting it up to 10 time a day. And along with every hit, I took that many pills I couldn't count them. I was in a bad way and probably fairly close to death. I went from a healthy 65kg teenager, to a skinny 21yo weighing about 40kgs. I drank to excess, I popped any new pill I could get my hands on, I used LSD, ecstasy, heroin, u name it. I know this all sound extreme, but I went from being ya fairly average kid, good at school with plenty of friends, to this person that couldn't even sit around a dinner table. I hated myself, I just wanted to die, I didn't care. I tried to kill myself more than once.
Anyway, this is getting a bit long so I'll tell u all the good bit. I managed to drag myself out of that situation and went through a few rehab programs during my early 20s. I realised there'd have to be a better way, I just had to find it.
From about age 23 I was clean and mostly sober and in search of a way being able to go out in public without this debilitating fear. I saw psychiatrists, psychologist, every sort of therapist and doctor who had an opinion. Nothing ever really worked, but therapies and medication did make life a bit better.. just bearable u might say.
Here's the best bit.. I had an operation almost 4 years ago now. A nerve was cut in my lower back around my kidney region. This nerve controls sweating and blushing. It's almost impossible for me to blush now, and I don't sweat above the my waist. Suddenly, the most obvious symtoms I suffered didn't happen anymore. I still got butterflys and trembled a bit, but really, no-one could really notice that I was scared shitless, I just looked like everyone else.
This gave me the courage to throw myself into situations that I would have run from a few years ago. I have to say the operation was a total success. I am now the life of the party. I volunteer to speak up at meetings rather than not even going to them. I have dinner parties and sit at the head of the table making jokes. I go out shopping and bargain the price of everything. I complain if I feel I get bad service... sometimes I reckon I could get up and do Oprah's job!
I know this operation might not work for everyone, and it certainly isn't a magic cure, I had to do a lot of work after it, and I really had to get out there and push myself.
But the thing is, 5 years ago I would've done that google search to find medication so I could leave the house during daylight. Now, I'm doing that search not so I feel able to participate in a meeting of 30 or so people... but because I want to run a meeting with about 30 people sitting in front of me. It's a major step, and I might take a xanax or something to help me along.. but the fact that I'm willing to take that step floors me. I'm a raging success story, and I reckon we all can be, you've just gotta find the right treatment for u. :D
Good luck to everyone still battling along, don't give up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy to stay in touch with anyone who would like to. I spent 20 years trying to beat this, so I might be of some help to someone. Feel free to ask me anything u like.


Well-known member
Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You've certainly have came a LONG way and it's understandable how great you must feel about just how far you have reached.

Your earlier years must have been incredibly painful, sorry to hear about that, Jess, but I'm glad you survived & conquered them & suceeded despite them!

Keep up the fantastic work! BIG 'thumbs up'!!

Ohhh, sorry, but I haven't got a clue what a 'blog' is or what it could be either! It sounds like the title of a low budget horror movie filmed at sea. :lol:


Active member
I've had drug problems myself in the past, weed and alcohol, Im over that now and have come a long way. Still got some work to do though. Your story is good to hear, Im unemployed and workin on over coming issues that keep me from work. Your story gives me hope! By the way, what is Xanax? Is it a prescription med or over the counter med?


Well-known member
A 'blog' is a "weB LOG". A running commentary posted on the web by a wannabe pundit/commentator. ;)


Well-known member
worrydoll said:
ouch! wannabe? :cry: maybe some people just like to keep a journal. maybe it gives someone a sense of leaving their mark in the world. maybe some people are so sad they have nothing better to do. maybe they just want to try and reach out on some level. sure seems better than trying to hurt people and put them down. that kind of thing is easy. and cheap. very cheap.[/b]

Didja not see the wink? ;)

:arrow: :wink: