macromutation
New member
sorry for my bad english, i didn't learned too much about english.
i am 20 years old, and i am pretty much alone and spend most of my time in my room/house since around the age of 11. since i remember myself i had problems to connect with people, i has few friends : some neighbors that i knew since the kindergarten and my cousin, but in general i was alone most of the time and we grew apart with time and i hate them today especialy my cousin which i couldn't stand his pressence when he visited my house a lot.
many times in my life i just wanted to bo alone, especialy if i was in someplace i didn't want to be in like school when all the kids walked from the class to the school yard. i prefered to sit in some quite place and think about stuff like idea's for some machine or other kinds of inventions(most of them was just crap) and many other stuff that i don't remember today.
i don't feel "lonely" as i felt sometimes when i was a child with some friends. but i know that without connections with other people i will never have a life and i will rotten in my house for the rest of my physical "life", so i am pretty much accepted the fact that i should pretend that i care about people and fake an interest in them, i don't like to be fake, especialy not in such extreme way but i have too cause i can't change the fact that i just hate people and loves nothing about them in general.
i don't know if its realy a social phobia or just misanthropia or antipath as my cousin calls me... i hope to understand that in this site.
i am 20 years old, and i am pretty much alone and spend most of my time in my room/house since around the age of 11. since i remember myself i had problems to connect with people, i has few friends : some neighbors that i knew since the kindergarten and my cousin, but in general i was alone most of the time and we grew apart with time and i hate them today especialy my cousin which i couldn't stand his pressence when he visited my house a lot.
many times in my life i just wanted to bo alone, especialy if i was in someplace i didn't want to be in like school when all the kids walked from the class to the school yard. i prefered to sit in some quite place and think about stuff like idea's for some machine or other kinds of inventions(most of them was just crap) and many other stuff that i don't remember today.
i don't feel "lonely" as i felt sometimes when i was a child with some friends. but i know that without connections with other people i will never have a life and i will rotten in my house for the rest of my physical "life", so i am pretty much accepted the fact that i should pretend that i care about people and fake an interest in them, i don't like to be fake, especialy not in such extreme way but i have too cause i can't change the fact that i just hate people and loves nothing about them in general.
i don't know if its realy a social phobia or just misanthropia or antipath as my cousin calls me... i hope to understand that in this site.
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