I am certain I am suffering from Social Phobia.

[Zarrix]

For as long as I can remember, I have been a socially unwilling person. As a kid, I was the loner who sat in the corner. I had a couple of friends, but when I fell out with them, It seemed to become even worse.

I moved to a new school, the people were hostile, and bullied me about my social isolation and 'slowness'. I tried hanging out with a group, but once again, I had a fallout and the cycle began again.

I moved again, at my last school, I actually found a decent group of friends, who I have kept. But certain people still annoyed and bullied me about my social incompetence, however it was much milder.

Some days, I would be as socially relaxed as a normal person, other days, I simply couldn't do anything, no work no nothing.

I worried about how I looked, I hate wearing shorts which reveal skin above my knees, I hated writing anything which could be socially demeaning in english, although only the teacher would see it. Everything, every decision was based on how I or it was socially interpreted. If a piece of writing or a decision would give me a high mark, but it had the 'potential' to demean my social standing, I wouldn't do it. Instead I would write a modest piece which would give me a B/C.

*When I get asked about my private life, I reveal nothing.

*At work, If I am being watched, I get anxious and make mistakes, They see me as inferior and I am down for some time.

*I especially get nervous around this girl I really like. I make really shocking mistakes and do some really odd things. One time I forgot to put the meat in a burger, I handed over an empty chip packet, assuming I put the chips in there, I left my wallet and phone, and kept my gumboots on because I was focusing on saying goodbye to her. In doing so, I failed to remember something which is usually automatic.

*When I open an MSN window, or send a whisper in WoW, if my friends don't reply because they are busy or away, I assume that they hate me all of a sudden.

*I get nervous when walking past security guards or store people at the entrance to shops. I haven't stolen anything, but Im paranoid that they will suspect me of doing so.

*I am affraid to say thankyou, this one really is quite awful.

*I don't like complaining about something I don't like. If someone does something that annoys me a lot, I choose to endure it, rather than try to end it.

*In social situations, I struggle to explain instructions, I worry that they may be wrong, They come out all strange and end up wrong or odd anyway.

*I am not affirmative with social speech at all. When a stranger says hello, I often whisper hello back rather than firmly say it. I choose to say 'ummmm' rather than yes.

*I try to avoid any potential anxiety-inducing situation if possible.

*I am now addicted to caffeine.

*I struggle to maintain eye contact with people, especially people I want to impress or I don't know very well.

*Very private person, no one knows what I get up to on the weekends bar my best friends, don't like people peeking at my computer screen, don't like watching TV with others, especially my parents.

I could go on...

However
*I seem fine in certain situations. For example if someone asks me for something, or someone asks me to do something, unless it is socially horriffic.

*I feel calm when I am at home, by myself or with only my family or friends around. I will go over the social encounters of the day, but thats about it.


In conclusion: I feel that every decision I make is socially influence. The question is :How will it be perceived? If the answer is 'not well' 999 times out of 1000, I simply won't do it. I can't emotionally express my self at all, everything sounds so mechanic. These problems have crippled me all my life, its only in recent times I have found out about the disorder. I am lucky to have completed high school last year, and I did quite well, something which a lot of sufferers can't say unfortuantely. I am working for a year, and the potentially volatile enviroment of the workplace is really driving me insane.

I cant say about this to anyone close, I cant bring myself to do it. I at least want the weight of these thoughts off my shoulders and can hopefully go on, combat this problems, and look forward to a brighter future.

 

[scorpion]

Hate to say this but its 99% possible you ha SA, and that friend is a bitch.
We realise we have it, we realised how afects us, and its a powerfull enemy to defeat.
Personaly i dont think it can be dedeated, just hope to win some small battles.
Every new social situation that takes us away from the confort zone is a source of tons and tons of anxiety.
Little things to the normal person are capable of taking away our sleep.
The most important thing is to target fot small objectives, like for example, starting to say a strong hello amd looking people in the eyes.
Small victories.

 

[Zarrix]

It's okay to say, I already know anyway. I previously thought it was a personality trait rather than a phobia/disorder .

In bed I always analyse my social confrontations, the decent, the bad and the ugly. Some days are better than others, One day I could hold a coherent conversation with almost anybody, the next I will mutter and stutter with every attempt. Some people I can maintain eye contact with, others I look away.

I often try to avoid certain situations. For example today, there were two paths, one which was shorter, but standing in the way was that girl I liked, the other was extremely long, but had no anxiety- ticking aspects. I thought for about 30 seconds which way I should go, I went the short way, It took a lot of energy, I got a walk disturbance, and I analysed for the next hour. I do so many stupid things around this girl, she must think I'm stupid! Too many to count.

I am usually okay if another person starts the conversation, almost no matter who it is. Sometimes I don't catch on, or don't give an affirmative answer, but it is better than me starting it. I usually just say 'yeah' if the question is random, but if it is related to the task on hand, I will talk freely.

 

[nhen]

Uhh...yeah. I'm no doctor, but you definitely have SP.

Medication may be one answer. Check out http://www.socialfear.com . My psychiatrist actually referred me to this site. It has the most well-reasoned, comprehensive, and in-depth research on SP medications that I know of. Of course, if you want to know how it ends, Nardil is the best medication for SP, and the newer SSRIs don't work at all.

My personal experience has been that SPs usually suffer from low self-esteem. This may seem like a pretty shallow solution, but trying doing things to boost your self-image. Go on a diet (ie, eat healthier--I'm not assuming you're fat or anything), head to the gym, get a haircut and a new outfit. Seriously, stuff like this can be helpful.

Another piece of advice is to take on a lot of challenges. I emphasize that a SP should never take on more than he can handle, but if there are things that you can push yourself to engage in, and eventually enjoy, GO FOR IT! For example, I used to be scared of anyone seeing me on skates. So I decided to buy some rollerblades and learn how to use them by going to a crowded park everyday. It was a challenge, but once I got proficient at using the rollerblades, and adjusted to the situation I had thrown myself into, I found it very rewarding. It's all about building up a good momentum.

As far as challenges you can't meet and will likely fail at, trying to get with that girl you like who also happens to be your co-worker...my advice is to fuhgedabowdit. You need challenges that you will ultimately succeed at, not ones that will make you look like a complete and utter douchebag. Then again, if she's into your shy, dorky, awkwardness, then things may work out. I'm not saying you shouldn't date girls, just not the ones you work with. Seriously. If you fear a work environment, and you fear hot girls, then you're just piling your fears on top of one another...seems like a recipe for failure to me. Unless you're sure she's the one, then go somewhere else to find a girl. You said you had friends (lucky bastard); is there a friend of a friend you could pursue or something.

A lot of people here will tell you to just think positively. My advice is to think realistically. People in wheelchairs don't miraculously walk--unless you put a lot of faith in those sleezy TV evangelists, and believe it or not, just like the wheelchair-bound, you've got a disability, too. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, and know what you can and can't do. The path to overcoming SP, or--if it can't be overcome--to managing it, is tread with baby steps.

 

[LostViking]

I noticed that you play World of Warcraft, but you didn't mention how much though, so it's possible my advice won't be of any use at all. I spent far too much time on it myself for several years, and if you are like me; an active raider, then consider putting that on ice for a while. I know it sounds like a cliche, but from one gamer to another, it can actually help to step down from the "playing the game because there's a raid" to the "playing the game because I feel it would be fun right now" level.

And out of curiosity, did you feel anxiety while in an online environment from the start, or did it come gradually? I remember I used to see f.ex WoW as my sanctuary where I could be far more lively than I am in real life. Today I'm nearly as bad in an online world as I am outside it though, constantly feeling like strangers think I'm a bad player and such in situations where I know it's not true.

Other than that I have to say you remind me a whole lot about me, and I hope you get help to fight this. I'm well aware how hard it is to tell family and friends about this, but do it anyway. You'd be surprised how well people understand, and if they know they can also help you get better.

 

[Zarrix]

Depends, sometimes its only an hour a day, it can be as high as six. That isn't that much really. However, I find it a very good escapism route. I can appear to be someone different, I can aspire to certain objectives without been crippled by SA.

The SA still does come out sometimes whilst playing though. I don't like being leader of a group, because Im affraid I will mess up something. I hate leaving a group after everything is being done, I find it hard to close it off, although I always do it. I won't ask for help much when questing, even if it is quite hard, I always try to do it myself before even considering a group.