How would you make this man overcome his fear?

[charlieHungerford]

There is a man who fears walking down a certain street because of someone he is scared of, its a bully who lives on the street - who has attacked him and threatened him in the past a few times.

The fear of this bully makes that man scared of going down that street, the thought of going down that street makes him a nervous wreck because of the bad experiences.

However, the bully who lives on that street has now moved, but the man has developed such a fear of walking down that street because of his experiences that he just cannot face walking down that street, even though the bully is no longer there.

How would you go about making that man overcome his fear of walking down this street? The man has panic attacks at the thought of going down this street. So how would you suggest he overcomes his fear of the street?

 

[charlieHungerford]

Cool no replies!

Its a shame because I so want people to offer their opinions here, because that man I described was me - it was a parallel example, trying to demonstrate my problem in a non social situation! I have my own ideas but wanted to hear other people's opinions.

Anyway, not to worry, it is a difficult one and I have thought long and hard about the example and still not come up with the solution, but there definitely is one!

 

[random]

Charlie,
Two psychologists have told me that it's best to take 'baby steps' when overcoming a conditioned fear (fear remains after frequent and negative exposure ends). They thought that you have to expose yourself to smaller more controlled versions of the fear in order to be assured of sucess and made headway in desensitizing yourself to the fear. So perhaps that man would imagine walking 5 steps down that street before turning back. Congratulating himself etc. Repeating that process until he actually walks 5 steps down that street and back in real life. He might ask friends to accompany him as he walks 1/4 of the way down that block and back - each time recognizing that he can do this etc. He might keep track of how many times he has sucessfully made that short journey etc.
I tend to want to dive in and get it over with but my psychologists remain convinced that I should try small steps I can be certain of completing but still make me nervous until I feel less fear and then take bigger steps etc. Exposure therapy but with safe guards to ensure that you don't have a bad experience. I remember a television program about people who were afraid of flying. They had visualization exercises to make them experience the fear in a safe environment. They had a period of time when they passed around boarding passes and in-flight magazines etc. to draw them nearer to the experience. They all boarded a replica plane used to train flight attendants. This went on until the final 'graduation' in which they had to take a flight. Many people suceeded and though nervous on their first flight -were exultant that they made it through the doorway and onto the plane etc.

 

[charlieHungerford]

Thanks for the reply random - and to arjuna who replied to me with the same kind of thoughts.

I don't disagree with you at all, I think exposure especially building up the exposure from simple steps first is the way to develop confidence and experience in this feared situation and to recognise that the situation isn't really dangerous. However, you have to remember that this man suffers panic attacks just at the thought of the street, the point I wanted to make was that when someone suffers such extreme fear, wouldn't it be appropriate to target the fear and try and put things back into context?

I was thinking that this man has got to change the way he is thinking. He is thinking of the situation in terms of the past difficulties, past negative beliefs, past bad experiences, focusing on his anxiety and how he won't be able to cope and perform because the anxiety is crippling. Remember he never feared walking down the street in terms of believing he cannot do it or that the street is dangerous, it was the fear of one thing - the threat/the danger which was the bully.
Is it any wonder he is having panic attacks and is so scared of the situation when he is thinking of everything negative about the situation and the past? What he needs to do is aim to wipe the slate clean, he needs to see the situation in terms of the reality - which is that there really is no danger, everyone else will walk down that street and come to no harm whatsoever, he knows he is in no real danger now, the fact that he can walk and complete this task. But he is not looking at the reality, he is just focusing on the past troubles.

It just seems to me that seeing this example its clear that for myself in a parallel example which is that I fear public speaking or speaking situations where a lot of people can see me speaking because originally I suffered a lot of ridicule over a speech impediment and because of that I feared speaking out loud incase of more ridicule. That anxiety made speaking so difficult for me and indeed I struggled to get my words out and had some terrible experiences where I just went to pieces. I no longer fear ridicule over being ridiculed for speech problems, I no longer even have a speech impediment, but I fear it because I fear I cannot do it and cope - because of past traumatic experiences. The reality is the reason I feared speaking no longer exists. In reality I can speak fine. It just appears to me that I have got to stop thinking of the past and the difficulties and have got to wipe the slate clean and see the situation for the reality that it is. That I can do it because I have a brain and I can speak. That I am in no danger of ridicule for saying words wrong, I am in no real danger whatsoever because whatever happens it really does have no impact on my life.

I just think that there is so much that can be done in order to remove the fear without having to throw yourself into the deep end when you are having panic attacks and so incredibly scared. Putting yourself into public speaking situations when you are having panic attacks just seems really difficult - we know how huge anxiety effects performance, we really do not want another traumatic experience.

But I think there is even more that can be done behind the scenes in order to remove the fear, I am going to have a long think about this.

 

[random]

I agree with you. During my lunch hour I was thinking about your post, and mine. The thing I left out - and the thing that you seem to be commenting on in your followup post is indeed the thought processes.
My psychologists wanted the opportunity to coach me before and after experiences. They didn't want me approaching the fear with the old mindset because logically - I could expect the old reaction (panic) as well. They wanted me to see the old fear with new eyes. Actually this took the form of something that sounded alot like arguing. THe way I see the fear is so 'real' to me that I had to disagree when they tried to reframe it for me - to help me see it another way. It took alot of coaching (I seem to be stubborn) for some of those old beliefs about the fear to fall. They were also intent on talking to me immediately after a struggle before I could set my mind in such a way to view every little struggle as defeat.
I just was so tired of counseling and being 'different' that I sometimes tried to dive in. I went to a 3 day retreat in the mountains with a church group of women whom I did not know. This was a mistake. I snuck out the morning of day two feeling like a loser but - my 'coach' insisted that I realize that I stayed a day and a night and pointed out little sucesses along the way etc.
Also - I am one of those who agree with counselors who advocate the assistance of medication to help in the desensitization process. My doc wanted me to take anti-anxiety meds so I could actually attempt interaction. (boy I was so against it then) He wanted me to have some positive experiences in my arsenal so that my brain would not only hold negative memories surrounding these situations.

 

[charlieHungerford]

That is a brilliant post random, I agree 100% with all that you write there.

I have thought for a long time that in order to change and overcome the fear we have around people or situations we simply have to change our mindset, the way we see things, because realistically, if you are thinking in the same negative way about a fear, well what chance have you of overcoming it - and that is the same with any fear - whether its spiders, heights or social anxiety related fears - you have got to change the way you perceive the situation or person you fear in order to react in a different way - a more positive and confident way.
This is why I also think exposure is not the be all and end all that I read so much about. Would someone with a fear of heights and ladders aim to climb the ladder to different heights in order to beat the fear? Or would a person who fears spiders aim to touch or be next to different sized spiders? I seriously don't believe in that.

I totally can relate to what you say about seeing the fear as so real and that the way you are thinking is correct - I don't think you were wrong to be stubborn in seeing that the way you think is not correct, because it is correct in the sense that it is based on past experiences, but these are really exaggerated, negative bad experiences - and if you base your beliefs about the situation on these it will be negative.

And yeah your experience of the church group shows that we focus on the negatives and kick ourselves for not performing or achieving the positive results we are hoping for - and that is really really bad, you end up thinking negatively again and believe you are not good enough to succeed. If I attempted to do public speaking tonight and only managed to get a couple of words out because I was stuck believing my old negative beliefs, I would fail guaranteed and I would be so annoyed with myself, thinking I really cannot do this, I am useless, there is something very wrong with me. But what chance have I of succeeding when going into a situation focusing on 100% negatives and what will go wrong and reasons why I believe I cannot do it, when the fact of the matter is that there is nothing to fear! And if anyone reads this and think there is - i.e. ridicule or people judging you negatively - well that is wrong too, no one gives a toss - but again those beliefs that people are being critical or judging you badly is based again on negative beliefs not the reality.

 

[phoenix1]

Fascinating stuff. Now, I think I can see what you guys are really talking about. I’m thinking about it and I think what you are describing is not your mainstream anxiety, but rather unresolved or deep-rooted fear. Which is irrational at its core when analyzed. Maybe its something that happened in the past maybe that was traumatic and its never fully been processed or resolved in a reasonable manner to the point that it becomes an a type of irrational fear and possibly strong enough to create a painic attack too – which can create a whole new set of fears in itself.

If there is one thing that I do is that I process every single emotion and analyze situations all the live long day. In a given day I probably go through a hundred different emotions in my effort to process as much as possible. It’s my curse. As a result though, I don’t have a single irrational fear that I can think of, but I seem to have every single anxiety in the world. Every anxiety I have is almost perfectly rational based on my extremely messed up perceptions. I believe I need to be perfect and seen as perfect all the time, which makes me so anxious around others, because I can never meet that expectation. Is it rational? Absolutely its rational – because of my perception of perfection. Its true that most people don’t really care a whole lot about what you say or do, but they do care a little and they do judge a little and I know that even the slightest little judgment (someone seeing me less than perfect) hurts me and I know that’s what I’m trying to avoid.

Interesting stuff though as usual. Just thought I would interject with some thoughts of mine.