How to get past the acquaintace stage?

[octoman]

I can't seem to figure out how to go from acquaitance to being friends with someone. When I meet someone and get along with them after a while I ask them if they would like to hang out with me sometime but they always say no. They say they like me but are just too busy or whatever. It really sucks! How do I make people want to spend time with me?

 

[Andrew]

Stop trying and it will happen.

 

[CK23]

I feel exactly the same way... I tried so hard to reach out to an aqquaintance with whom i'd gone on a project once.... She was super kool during that trip but afterwards when i really tried to take it to the friendship stage she got all high and mighty like she was the big senior and i was just a cub who wasnt good enough to be her friend... Dont know how to get past the aqquaintance stage... it feels really depressing cos you actually have a shot at making friends and you still miss...Hope someone can help me out....

 

[no1]

Stop trying and it will happen.

that one is soooo damn funny.

anyway yeah I feel the same exact way.. and I do bring up the topic of doing something together. The first time I met her she said yes and we went out to a movie. Then after that she said she didn't want to go out with me anymore. Why so? I just wanted to be friends. She said because I wasn't part of her "group" of friends, and that she supposedly only hangs out with them.. or that I'm too kind of.. negative or something. Or that she just hasn't felt that kind of connection to want to spend time with me. And I would always bring this up with her again. She said she's ok with talking at school, or on the phone. I was like "ok so you want me to be like an acquaintance" she said "I guess... if you want to idealize a friendship".

I didn't get her at all, I felt like I was being rejected. She said we didn't have much in common but I believe we never even got to know each other yet since.. it might take some time for someone to get to know me or for me to open up.. or just for one of us to bring up something we have in common. I say this is all BS anyway cuz we are human and that's enough lol.

Now yesterday I brought up the subject again, probably in a different way, and she is like the first time I asked her. She said "that would be nice". Or she may have said "that would be very nice" to sort of make it seem like she would be REALLY nice to me if she were to let that happen.

I don't know.. I basically acted like she didn't say that when she said it, or didn't believe it. Or I just didn't want to seem like I was too happy about it to the point that I'd scare her off or something.

I don't know, we'll see maybe next time we talk. I mean it's nothing that has to be big, and that's what I told her. Just maybe a day out in the city, or at night or something... some company. whatever who knows. It's just maybe awkward setting it up, or since I may have little experience. Yeah sure every girl probably wishes things could happen more spontaneously but...

I don't want to make it seem like a big thing, I want it to be casual you know. I don't want to scare her off or change her mind.. so I'll have to be careful about when to bring it up next time if at all. Don't want to seem too eager...

cuz you never know maybe she didn't even mean to say what she said and really meant that she didn't want to go out with me.

sorry I know.. long post.

 

[weak]

Sounds like you're getting rejected a lot man. Maybe you should just try going about it differently. After all, the girl is just an acquaintance and may not be ready to jump ahead to a full on date.

If it's apparent the girl is interested and you talk on a regular basis, I would go about it like this:

me: "hey so have you see that new movie The Day The Earth Stood Still?"

girl: "no but I really want too"

me: "yeah me too but all my friends have already seen it, we should go see it together".

Notice I put "we should go see it together" rather than "wanna go see it together?". IMO, it's always better to throw the idea out there and see what happens rather than straight up asking her on a date. It's a much more subtle approach and works better with girls who dont yet know you very well.

So don't setup an actual date unless she says "okay, when?". The main purpose of all this is just to gauge her level of interest in you. You don't wanna come off as too aggressive. So just hint at the idea and let it sit with her for awhile. If she's genuinely interested in you, she'll follow up on it.

 

[bleach]

^^Who are you writing that to? He said he was trying to make friends not hook up with anyone.

Also.. "stop trying and it will happen"? Are you serious? Or is that meant to be a joke on bad advice people give?

 

[jordo]

are just too busy

tell me about it. it seems like everyone is sooo busy with their lives. someone i'm interested in has school, work, lots of friends, and goes out a lot so i guess she has no time to waste on me. i was about to pay her to talk to me for an hour cuz theres some things i want to talk about...but then it sounds like i'm prostituting her lol. but i mean if that's what it takes...cuz i know her time is worth a lot so why not? i'm not suggesting you should tho lol.

Stop trying and it will happen.

umm...no it doesnt :?. if you want something...you have to make it happen...at least for loser me

 

[Andrew]

Stop trying and it will happen.

umm...no it doesnt :?. if you want something...you have to make it happen...at least for loser me

It is true that if you want something you have to make it happen, but it is also true that if you force things then they won't happen. People naturally start to develop relationships over time if they like each other. At some stage, both people will want to take the relationship beyond being an acquitance stage and then one of them will take the initative to make that happen. That initative is not rocket science, it is asking for a phone number or whatever else.

The fact is that only a small percentage of people you ever meet will want to become more than acquitances. Not everybody is liked by everybody else. There are so many factors, people at different stages in life, different personalities, etc, that mean people do not want to be anything more than acquitances. Don't get dishearted. I used to work in one job and nobody ever really had any interest in me, then I worked in another and started to develop some great friendships because the people were more like me.

 

[Thelema]

^^Who are you writing that to? He said he was trying to make friends not hook up with anyone.

Also.. "stop trying and it will happen"? Are you serious? Or is that meant to be a joke on bad advice people give?

If he can get a date, he can make friends some other time :lol: What is dating besides being real good, especially close friends...that you find attractive?

Yeah, I guess it has to do with meeting them outside of where you usually see each other. Until you do see them outside of your usually place, can you really call them a friend?

 

[no1]

yaeh so just an update.. the girl did NOT want to go out with me she was just saying that I was being nice for being considerate wit her.