how to get better (it worked for me)

LemonKiss

LemonKiss

Well-known member
Hey people: Wonderful news. Not too long ago. being shy got me so down I was suicidal. I got therapy and medicine. Therapy was a joke. I couldn't talk to a stranger about my problems! And the medicine worked alright but I wanted to be better without it you know?

So here's what I did (I PROMISE IT WILL WORK FOR YOU):

Changed my attitude. I made pacts to be postitive for one whole day. I tried it one school day. It was the best day of school ever. I didn't let anything get me down and everyone kept talking to me because I was so happy and approachable. It's so wonderful when your mind is on your side! We were buddies! And now, thats the attitude I keep. Positive.

I began talking to people. To me, people used to seem like a different species to me. I just couldn't relate to them. And then I just said screw this I might as well try. Here's how: While you're rockin' on your positive out look and probably smiling inside out, look around for a quiet person like you, someone you know a little or someone you have something in common with. For example, I asked a girl in my art class about her projects. She wound up telling me she wants to be an art teacher. And this was the first time we ever talked.

When talking to people, look them in the eyes and take deep breaths. They are just like you-another person. Then, don't blurt an answer. Think first if you need to. Speak calmy and slowly.

Most importantly, realize this: If you are nice, polite, and care about them, everyone will love you. No one cares if you are a tad shy just like no one cares if you're a genius. People like being around people who like them and who make them feel special. They will feel special if you ask them things.

And for those thinking it's too late. I didn't start talking to them and they'd think it was weird: totally untrue! You'll be so surpired when you find this out. If you got nothing out of reading this just get this: People don't know everything and they want to talk to you!!!!!!

I am so happy all the time now. And without a religious convert or joining a cult! I did it on my own terms. I didn't force myself into a totally outgoing loud mouth. I just found a way to accept myself and talk to people.
 
H

Hussein

Member
Hi worrydoll and lemonkiss,

I am wondering if it is easier for women to get out of their shyness than it is for men. seriously, I am now at that stage in my life when I NEED to be a bit more friendly and chilled. For women, they do not need to be all gutsy.

I am wondering if you know any guys on this forum who are academic in the way that they are trying to look at their problems. I strongly believe that if you know about your problem (the neurological basic of shyness, SA), then you will be able to sort yourself out. "Know Thyself" or is it "The truth shall set you free"?

If you guys know of any free resource on the internet which explains the neurological basis of shyness post please.
 
Falling

Falling

Well-known member
i agree with the points you made...

i've been to a psycologist 3 times and i imagined that it would change my life... she told me that i'm shy cuz i care a lot what people say about me... nothing i never heard before, also she considered me some books and yep these are helping me.

being positive change everything.... also when you dont make negattive predictions help a lot, but good predictions sometimes leads to good results... for example, on friday i am more out going at school, and talk to more people... maybe cuz i dont have the break on friday so i can be relax... but still it is different from the other days... and what is different is the way of thinking.
 
nicola_maire

nicola_maire

Well-known member
i totaly agree, its wasnt until i heard the scientific problem, imbalnce of chemicals, i actauly realised it was natural. i think until u view urself equal to others u cant respect urself. i think u need to come to an understanding where u realise we are all equaly human. and vunerable, some work with it, others dwell on it and there for seperate themselves, then isolate themselves. its all about finding a comfort zone, even tho its not really that comfortable, dont you find sometimes it better to know ull never get hurt by staying clear of people, ten trying and getting hurt? yeh it a solution but then again the reason why we eventualy we have to see the psychologist is because eventualy were even more hurt we have noone to talk too, and we no to an extent its our fault.
my psychologist was a diamond, im back to myseld, purly not givin a damm, i have a few issues like i think people r better than me, even people i hate, i know its ridiculous and not true, but it still pops in my head, so im goin back next friday, but im at a stage where i dont let it get on top of me, i just go out n do it!!!
respect yourself, except yourself and others, and magic will happen.
human nature is to use people for what u need in the nicest way, eg for love, so go and use use use!!!
 
Disconnected

Disconnected

Active member
I think this post gets to the heart of the issue. What we MUST do if we want to get better. I completely agree with the post, its just that I'm not so sure about how to get to a place where I feel like it is possible to do those things.

I have trouble with the very first point, being positive, because I can't simply do something without a reason. This may seem stupid, but even though I'm miserable I'd like to think that I still have some basic principles. So by pretending to be happy, when I feel as if there is no reason to be happy, it just seems false. It seems like I would simply be playing a role of a "positive" person. Its these inauthentic roles that I sort of want to get away from. Any lasting change, in my opinion, must come with a reason so there isn't a chance of slipping back into old behaviors. The reason is the anchor that sort of allows you to do what you do and not question or doubt your decisions.

I think I can be accused of choosing to be miserable. But its not so much that I want to be miserable, just that I'm stubborn and need to feel that being any other way is meaningful, purposeful, and true. Just some thoughts.
 
ColdFury

ColdFury

Well-known member
Pretending to be happy inside (even though everyday I want to die) will make my crippling panic and anxiety attacks disappear, just like magic! :roll: It probably works wonders on my OCD too.
 
lostboi

lostboi

Well-known member
Wow this is my first time here and what you have said lemon kiss makes so much sense. But I, like some of the others here am not really even sure how to get to that point. My fear of rejection and not being accepted is like a ton of bricks that weighs me down. I always feel like I'm being judged and that at any moment I could say something that will end the conversation and have people thinking I am a complete freak. Especially girls.. maybe it's easier as a girl to find that confidence to just talk to peopl. I don't know but I'll definately try what your suggesting..
 
knglerxt

knglerxt

Banned
Disconnected said:
I think this post gets to the heart of the issue. What we MUST do if we want to get better. I completely agree with the post, its just that I'm not so sure about how to get to a place where I feel like it is possible to do those things.

I have trouble with the very first point, being positive, because I can't simply do something without a reason. This may seem stupid, but even though I'm miserable I'd like to think that I still have some basic principles. So by pretending to be happy, when I feel as if there is no reason to be happy, it just seems false. It seems like I would simply be playing a role of a "positive" person. Its these inauthentic roles that I sort of want to get away from. Any lasting change, in my opinion, must come with a reason so there isn't a chance of slipping back into old behaviors. The reason is the anchor that sort of allows you to do what you do and not question or doubt your decisions.

I think I can be accused of choosing to be miserable. But its not so much that I want to be miserable, just that I'm stubborn and need to feel that being any other way is meaningful, purposeful, and true. Just some thoughts.
Click to expand...


This is exactly why I can't go around thinking positively, too. I have to see some indication that things are going to change for the better before I do that.

The main reason for this is that I've had a positive attitude in the past. But I didn't meet any women during this period. So, I think if I go around thinking positively now, the same thing is going to happen: nothing.
 
newshyguy

newshyguy

Well-known member
yo

thanks man, i did this too, like recently, and it worked then i realized it was all about the attitude, its so true, but then i didnt really practice it again

thanks you remainded how to beat this shyness
 
Vero20

Vero20

Member
Girlk talking here... I have read some replies where u guys say may b it's easier for girls to overcover this, well I got something for u: Not true! I feel the same fear as u guys, of saying something stupid or that people are going be listening to every single word so they can laugh at me, and so on, I know, pretty paranoid, but that's how it is. It's been like my 5 years like that now. I don't believe it's a matter of gender, I have a male friend who used to be very shy, guys used to call him sissy cuz he was always with girls and didn't play soccer, but then the next year he totally changed. He wasn't shy anymore, no one ever called him that, he was elected the best friend of the class, and he got a gf. How did he do it? No idea, but he did.
About the positive attitude, I have tried it and it does work, it really does. It got so much better with that for a while, I was happy, enjoying myself, loving myself, but then I stopped repeating myself these positive thoughts, and it's like when u quit ur medicine just becuz u think u r ok, u fall again. Though, I met the light and it was beautiful, so I know there's hope, just gotta find the way back. Start loving myself I guess...
 
S

savage_beagle

Well-known member
Hello! What LEMONKISS posted is so very true, and i have mentioned it here many times. You have to change your thinking from bad thoughts to good...constantly and forever. I read some of the replies to lemonkiss, and i read many words such as --''but, can't, won't, never, not, tried'' and so on. Those are the words of people who refuse to change or really commit to getting better. There is a ton of online articles on how to think positive and positive affirmations to read to yourself. What lemonkiss wrote is not some voodoo magic or some new and improved feel good new age magic. Look back to the bible and you find God's own advice to man on how to think and act in life. We (humans in general), have gotten ourselves stressed out with mental misery and if we stop and look inside ourselves, we will know what it is we need to do to get back at how we once were. You are what you eat, You act the way you think.
 
qipuqipu

qipuqipu

Well-known member
To everyone who has said that they can't pretend to be happy:

I totally agree with you! Pretending to be happy is something I tried to do about a year ago, and whilst I might have appeared to be making progress to outsiders, I still felt the same way inside - just possibly even more stressed with trying to keep up the image. Then, I read a post here about someone who had this perfect public persona but felt terrible on the inside, just like I was starting to do. So, I resolved to not let that happen to me.

What I'm just realising now, is that having a positive attitude is NOT the same as pretending to be happy. Happiness is just a feeling; a positive attitude runs a lot deeper than that, forming your whole view of the world. It's about seeing all the ways you can make your life better, and simply learning from, not obsessing over your mistakes.

Basically what I'm saying is that a positive attitude isn't the same as being happy... it's what you need in order to feel happy.
 
LeapFrog

LeapFrog

Well-known member
qipuqipu, that is quite true.
I have personally tried the whole positive thinking thing... But... It felt very unnatural. I honestly believe that this is not the way to overcome shyness. It may even lead to a relapse.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top