How much 'support' do you really get from people?

[of_darkness]

I've been realising that as my social groups rapidly shrink, whilst retaining my few close friends, are they even doing their part as friends? A while back when things started to get really serious they showed some concern, but never thought about doing anything.

The other day me and 2 friends met up with a girl they know through debating... totally not what I can do or talk about.
But anyway, in the same sense they're sensible, nice people i can feel safe with. But it seemed like they were making NO attempt to include me in any conversation in the slightest. We ended up walking around where I live randomly as it got late, which was nice. But one bad example for me was when we all sat at a bench in a park 'talking', me at one end, and she just sat on one of their laps playfully, her back to me, totally alienating me. I can't stand those moments, i would have talked but from then on i was physically and mentally cut off from their conversation (talking debating as it happens, they're all basicaly the best in the UK. we're all 17. I swear that was all they talked about, and about the people involved. I had no place in that convo.)
One of them (who i was with) wins so many 'national debating competieions' and is always commenting on chavs or emos when he shouldn't be. Which makes him a bit too opinionated, and has a few wrong views sometimes. The fact that i don't talk is just a fact to him, he tried to help but not in the right ways. LIKE INCLUDING ME IN CONVERSATIONS! They know i can cope, but people just forget i'm different.


Sometimes i really have to think, are we really on our own? Do friends realise our struggles even when they can clearly see and point them out?
I'm just confused with them. :?

 

[of_darkness]

So your friend is a master debator? ahhhhhhhh that was corny but I couldn't resist, sorry.

well it's usually 'mass debator', works better. Plus they really do have mass-debating competitions....... And yes, they do turn out pretty arrogant, it just so happens that one of the worst people in the whole school for that reason is obne of my actual friends. H'es nice, just looks down on stupid and poor people. (He realldy did say on a coach once: eughh this vilage is for pooor people!!' in a mocking joking way. But possibly serious! )


a chav.. well they're basically.... I don't know what anyone not familiar with the term would call them. And I don't want to offend anyone by using any other terms!!! Just use google or youtube, theres tons of stuff about them (as in theres tons of stuff about heavily taking the piss)

 

[JamesMorgan]

Never seems like these people suffer from anxiety does it - these debators?

Those deceived by their own strong opinions are in the long run worse off. Why? Because their sense of their own self importance and opinions of themselves are so inflated that they are constantly trying to prove themselves in this way, such as competitions.

Conversations if you notice, actually are quite competitive. Dominating people to feel a sense of control or to prove a point with strong self interest is nothing more than a deluded mentality. Such people seem so confident, when in reality they are creating many causes of social anxiety and a life full of unease. This leads to attachment to their reputation, their views, neediness in being seen a particular way, such tight grasping and narrow mindedness eventually results in pain. Its funny actually because many of them believe the 'idea' that those who do not act in the way they do are not as smart or as clever as them. Because of the very fragile basis upon which they exist, they are more than often in a constant state of anxiety, yet most of them are too proud or too ignorant to realise it.

I am in no way saying your friends are like this, just pointing out that even those who seem so good at communicating are actually very much like us in a way but they are experiencing a different extreme of how anxiety manifests.

James