How I turned things around.

[danstelter]

Hey everyone. I used to be very consumed by social anxiety, to the point where I would freeze in front of people and even avoid people that I had known for a very long time. I was constantly consumed by anxiety - so much so that I slipped into an addiction as a coping method - my life was a living hell. But, somehow, I was able to turn it around, and I just wanted to share with you how I did that.

1. I identified the problem.
2. I began to engage in regular exercise.
3. I saw a counselor for a few months.
4. I eliminated anxiety provoking situations and people (bad friends/bad job)
5. I learned to avoid anxiety-producing substances such as caffeine and alcohol (the latter was more difficult)
6. I decided to take a small dosage of medication (not for everyone but it helped me and I plan to be off it as soon as possible)
7. I made positive friends who were willing to listen to my problems (one of the best things that I did)
8. I continued to challenge myself to take risks in order to reduce anxiety, and worked on not getting down on myself for failing.

This is the briefest possible way I could state this. I just wanted to let everyone know how I am recovering from my intense anxiety issues. I still struggle with anxiety on occasion, but now, I have everything that I need - a great girlfriend, great friends, a job that makes me happy and pays decent enough, and enough money to pay for my needs and a few nice things. It took me a period of about five years to get this far, and there were lots of struggles and points where I fell back into intense anxiety, but I persevered with the help of my friends and made it. Just wanted to pass this along and let you know that full recovery is possible and can be done if you just stick with it!

 

[weak]

Nice post Dan. Glad it worked out for you.

A lot of the stuff you listed worked for me as well, especially #4 and #7. I haven't eliminated my anxiety, but I'm at a point where SA no longer disables me from doing the stuff I want.

 

[dan_e]

7. I made positive friends who were willing to listen to my problems (one of the best things that I did)

I would like to hear more about how you made these friends and when/how you told them about your dilemma. I've found it extremely difficult to make friends because of SA. I haven't told potential friends about my struggle because I think it might drive them away completely. People seem very close minded and clueless about these things.

It's good to hear you're doing so well

 

[Walk]

I haven't eliminated my anxiety, but I'm at a point where SA no longer disables me from doing the stuff I want.

That's what I think is the likely outcome for most of us. I do a lot more stuff than I did when I was in my teens, but I still get nervous, although I learned how to manage a portion of my anxiety to the point where I'm functional.

Seems like we are very much set to feel a little nervous in social situations. Even Marylin Manson still considers himself a shy guy despite being 40 and having performed in front of literally hundreds of thousands of people over the years.

 

[aboobooboobooo]

7. I made positive friends who were willing to listen to my problems (one of the best things that I did)

I would like to hear more about how you made these friends and when/how you told them about your dilemma. I've found it extremely difficult to make friends because of SA. I haven't told potential friends about my struggle because I think it might drive them away completely. People seem very close minded and clueless about these things.

It's good to hear you're doing so well

Same here, I would like to know how you were able to make friends with SA. Exercising seems to be helping me out as well, I''ve gotten a lot more confidence.

 

[Havocan]

Nice to see someone who more or less could work their way out of this abyss. It's very individual on how long you use to reduce your SA to a level where you can start living totally as a normal person and probably requires different methods for someone.

The problem is that I don't think you can get rid of the SA totally, just reduce to a level where it's not so noticeable and doesn't affect you in such a great scale. Since most who have SA have had it since their childhood and it has caused severe consequences for some you have to live with it for the rest of your life but you can work with it to prevent it from making your life inhuman^^.

 

[danstelter]

Yes, by no means did I completely eliminate anxiety. I think that a certain amount of it is biological and is just a part of life for me. However, I have reduced it to the point where I can do most things I want with little to no anxiety, and I think that it is possible to reduce it more, as there are a few things that can give me trouble from time-to-time.

The thing with friends was quite difficult. I grew up in a rural area and had lots of friends until the end of high school. Then, everyone moved away, and I went my own separate direction. I stayed in contact with my old friends from high school and still hung out with them when I could, but often I found myself quite lonely on the weekend.

It was a difficult transition to make. It took me about 3-4 years to find a good group of people, but this is how I did it:

I just kept working on reducing my anxiety levels and forced myself into situations that were challenging. I learned that it was not always my fault for friendships not working; very often other people don't care, aren't good friends, or just don't want to make friends for whatever reason.

Next, I kept joining and attending different groups/community activities. I moved to a different city to start attending a new college. At this point, I was confident that I was a good and worthwhile person, and I was willing to assert myself and move out into the world with other people.

After joining many clubs/organizations, I realized which ones were boring/uninteresting, which ones I did not have anything in common with other people, and which ones were just plain shitty/pointless. Finally, I found the right group, which was a religious organization, and I found that the people there were good people (religious orgs can have bad ppl too, but these were good people). I would mention that I was feeling anxious about this or that, and instead of laughing, pushing me away, or getting frustrated with me, people here took my feelings to heart and empathized (if people do not empathize I push them away quickly and avoid them). Long story short, I now run this place and have made lots of friends there over the past years.

As a side note, I do not make lots of random friends/acquaintances. I typically have 1 or 2 friends here and there with whom I hang out regularly, rather than 30 or 40 that I see every couple months. Different things work for different people, and this is what worked for me.

Anyway, sorry for the lengthy post, but this was how I did it. Those 3-4 years were agonizing and difficult at times. I would get desperate and was just hanging by a thread on occasion. MOST NEW PEOPLE THAT I MET who seemed like potential friends ended up not coming when they said they would or stabbed me in the back; I think it's important to remember that most things do not work out, but eventually something does if you keep working at it!

So, take heart and hang in there and keep trying because I believe that everyone can and will do well if they just keep working at it and have patience!

If you have further questions or whatever, let me know! Hope this helps!