Livingwithoutlivin
Well-known member
One day my parents called me and my brother out to bring the grocery bags in. I had my unstraightened afro hair and crappy pajamas on even though it was around 5pm in the afternoon. So I was too embarrassed to go outside. I decided I would only pick the bags up from the bottom steps and take them inside, instead of going all the way to the front house gate to pick them up and have people see me. I was inside the kitchen taking stuff out of bags. One of the times, my brother walked in and barked at me to go help bring bags inside, I told him I was going to help stow them away inside because I was looking messy. The second time around, when he came in and pretty much all the bags were inside, he yelled at me " You f!$# lazy ass, get a f#$# job loser!" This upset me but at the same time made me feel sooooooo mad. I was so angry I wanted to prove him wrong. So, a couple days later I went out for an entire day, on my bike, to all the stores in my city that I could, around 15 places in one day, and all I did was ask for applications, pray to God, that even if I don't get the job, atleast I tried. Well I got called a few days later to work a seasonal at a clothing store chain.
The funny thing is, had it not been for my brother yelling at me, pissing me off that way, giving me an anger that turned into fuel and a challenge, I would have never gotten off my butt to look for a job with the furor I did that day.
I feel that perhaps some of our problems is that we don't feel angry enough, we don't have people challenging us, pissing us off enough to want to prove ourselves. We can't just want to be nice all the time. We have to feel angry, we have to remember that people take advantage of weaknesses, that we must look them in the eye. I will tell you, 9/10 all the great things I ever had I got when I took a risk, and I took something as a challenge. Even meeting my ex boyfriend was a challenge, but a want was so strong, that I was determined to seem likable for the first few months that he knew me. When things went sour with that relationship, it's because I stopped trying to create that person who wanted better. He even told me, he used to think I was a strong girl, but then I started acting weak, and that was a turn off for him. The angry girl inside of me , the one who used to get in physical fights with her mum and yell at the top of her lungs, that was the girl who was sane, not anxious, who didn't implode. But who I became later, would hide her feelings, not vent in some way. And perhaps for some of us, that is something we can relate too.
The funny thing is, had it not been for my brother yelling at me, pissing me off that way, giving me an anger that turned into fuel and a challenge, I would have never gotten off my butt to look for a job with the furor I did that day.
I feel that perhaps some of our problems is that we don't feel angry enough, we don't have people challenging us, pissing us off enough to want to prove ourselves. We can't just want to be nice all the time. We have to feel angry, we have to remember that people take advantage of weaknesses, that we must look them in the eye. I will tell you, 9/10 all the great things I ever had I got when I took a risk, and I took something as a challenge. Even meeting my ex boyfriend was a challenge, but a want was so strong, that I was determined to seem likable for the first few months that he knew me. When things went sour with that relationship, it's because I stopped trying to create that person who wanted better. He even told me, he used to think I was a strong girl, but then I started acting weak, and that was a turn off for him. The angry girl inside of me , the one who used to get in physical fights with her mum and yell at the top of her lungs, that was the girl who was sane, not anxious, who didn't implode. But who I became later, would hide her feelings, not vent in some way. And perhaps for some of us, that is something we can relate too.
