How do I un-petrify or the Older woman total meltdown

[missa]

Hello,

I am shy. Or at least at crucial moments, very much so.

It seems like I am too old to be shy (almost 32), but I just seem to carry around the same old schooldays dymanics.

I'll explain.

I live in Paris, and go to art school here. I have an 18 year old kid in my class. He caught my attention on the first day, and on a potluck that we had, he came over and poured me some wine. We talked a little, and I got the impression that he liked me (I don't think he knows how old I am). Now, since that day we have been exchanging intense looks, but never talked. It's actually getting more and more awkward each day. I talk to a lot of the other people, but not him. So far, not so unusual for me. Happened a few times in my life, although not in recent years.

Today I noticed that my heart was racing when I saw him. He was waiting for our professor and deliberately, it seems, sat next to me as I was working. I felt so petrified, I couldn't even look at his direction, (and I wanted to)!!! I must have also emitted this "don't talk to me" energy - I'm sure of it. God, he is almost half my age, he should not be of any threat to me, why can't I get myself to say anything to him???

I am completely competent in very many other areas of my life, but this experience just makes me feel like a little child.

I need your concrete advice. How do I deal with this? Please don't suggest that I go ask for an eraser - I cannot even get myself to approach him.

How do I unpetrify? If not for the sake of becoming friendly with him, then for the sake of my traquility...

Thank you all, and please don't make too much fun of me....

 

[Quixote]

Well I think if you feel so embarassed by this guy's presence it must be because in some way or another you care about his opinion and judgement. Perhaps you are not rationally aware of it, but your deeper self actually would like to make a good impression on him.

So the only remedy I guess would be to consciously decide that you are not interested in him, or, better still, that whether you are interested or not you will purposely behave in such a way as to not be attractive to him. Basically the trick is, since your emotions tend to go the opposite way as your rational will, to steer your will in the opposite direction. That will normally kill the anxiety symptom at its root, it did for me in similar situations, although it's a bit of an extreme remedy as it doesn't really solve the problem in the long run: one should be able to talk to people he/she likes without being paralized... (but I have no advice for that)

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Missa what you've just describe is how and why i found out about this Social Phobia thing.
The selective nature of these meltdowns.

If we had random phobias it wouldn't be so noticable but these meltdown are extreamly selective in their timing.

We should start calling it Selective Anxitey.lol

The only advise I can think of missa is to exchange e-mail address]

Good luck and give us a progress report.

 

[romeno82]

hi missa i know exactly what you are talking about. happens to me alot of times with girls. when i want to talk to a girl who is liking me and who i like, im paralized, my body opposes to see in the direction of that person. its like im scared of her. thats pretty shitty and FRUSTRATING.

like quixote said we wish to make a good impression on that person, but we are scared to death to make a bad impression cos of our past expirience and our low self-esteem.
you can see: CONSCIOUS WILLPOWER AGAINST SUBCONSCIOUS.

and to me its very hard to win over the subconscious only with willpower. what i use is alot of compassion towards myself.

and EFT. it helps. i have made a thread about EFT under treatments...