How do I explain it to a psychologist?

[ADeathlyCalm]

Reading through some of the personal stories on this site, I sighed with relief and gratitude to find out that I am not the only person who feels the way I do. I'll try to explain my situation without boring you to death.
I've always been an introvert, and I never particularly liked school. However when I started fifth year, in the middle of my GCSEs, I started regularly taking days off school. I was falling behind increasingly, and not wanting to acknowledge that, I ran away from it. The more I ran the worse it got. Anyway, I scraped by, did fairly well in my exams. Well enough to get back into the school for sixth year.

I had been going out with someone, and he moved away a week after the school year started. We broke up, and although I'd seen it coming I was distraught at the time. To make things worse I was in none of the same classes as my close friends. I find it near impossible to make friends with people nowadays. So the days off increased in regularity. Fast forward to now - I should be in school and I haven't been in for months.

I absolutely dread the prospect of going to school. I feel like it's just me, constantly having to explain myself, and feeling so hopeless about ever catching up on the missed work that I just avoid thinking about it.

I'm very awkward in social situations. I find it hard to look people in the eye. For a few years I didn't care if I was stared at in the street. Now I care very much, I can't deal with it. As a result I'm indoors all day. I'm constantly on edge - someone tapping on a desk, humming or eating loudly is enough to make me snap. I've also started washing my hands fairly obsessively, and if I ever do leave the house I go back several times to make sure that I've locked the door, even though I know perfectly well that I have. It's completely irrational.

After much waiting I am now seeing a psychologist. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say. He has established that I am suffering from depression, but I'm absolutely at a loss. Where do I even begin to make him aware of all of this? Will I need to rhyme off symptoms? Even being analyzed by a psychologist gets me really worked up. If any of you have advice or experience to share, please do. To the rational mind I am probably overreacting, but I can't help it.

 

[wooaah]

haha, i think you just answered your own question.

 

[Lea]

I would like to give you some advice, but I don´t know you! It is not possible to judge only according to what you wrote. There is probably some underlying cause of why you started to behave like this. How was your family, environment where you grew up? I started to have severe depressions in school at about 16, couldn´t cope with some subjects and had very bad grades from them, my father at home was beating and bullying me, I often wanted to run away but had nowhere to go. One night I did and had to go to sleep to my relatives. I wanted to commit a suicide. At school I was even afraid to walk on the street alone during the lunchbreak so I went to my aunt and when she wasn´t at home I just kept sitting in front of her door the whole hour, in the dark corridor. Now I am 35 and am not afraid to go anywhere, I have worked and extensively travelled in many countries abroad. Nevertheless - I can´t keep eye contact and behave strangely and have difficulties in finding jobs and staying in them because of that! There are things you can learn and things you cannot change.

 

[YankeeBob]

Understanding our patterns of ...

1) Attitudes ( thinking ),
2) Feeling, and
3) Behaviour

You might want to try this self analysis that my counsellor had me look at:

Take your life and divide it into 3 or 5 year blocks.

Then look at what were "harms done to yourself by others" in each of those blocks.

Then look at "harms done by yourself to yourself" in each period.

and

Then look at " harms done to others " .

As we get older our habits of thinking, feeling and behaviour become more entrenched.

That is they become unconscious and conscious habits.

We don't know any other way to live.

And we are anxious / afraid to try something that is uncomfortable.

In the meantime, I like others, admire your courage for posting here.

Take care. Be well.

 

[villacjs]

Just print out what you wrote (and say you suspect you have Social Phobia) and hand it to him.