charlieHungerford
Well-known member
I don't know if that is a silly question or not, I mean for me its all about being self conscious, maybe I am asking a silly question asking that, but I know everyone suffers very differently and for different reasons?
But how big a factor in your SA does being self conscious, so aware of your flaws and your abilities compared to that of fearing people? Do you really fear people judging you or is it that you are just so negative on yourself that you feel so inadequate compared to others and hence feel self conscious?
I know there will be those who have always feared interacting with people from as far as they can remember, which means the answers come from a different angle.
I am spending all week working on this self consciousness, I have already made some interesting discoveries when looking into my past and how this self consciousness developed. I feel I need to get right to the bottom of all this and start fixing wrong beliefs. I realise I simply have to change this mindset of how I see myself and I must go back and aim to put things right. It will be hard but there is no other way I can fix this. I mean honestly, 95% of the insults and name calling were from either the scummiest kids in the year who were acting the tough guys, or they were from loud mouth girls who were trying to show off to kids by putting me down, or insensitive jerks who thought it was funny to ridicule people. I believed all these bastards and took their comments as if it was fact because it was just prolonged over years and people would laugh and their friends would say the same things, it is really hard to keep a positive self image when you are being constantly called names, ridiculed, insulted, laughed at for 'flaws'. One of my best friends had 'big ears' - I mean big deal - and this is what I mean - I accept other people's flaws as nothing but think mine were so terrible. But he was deeply effected too, he has always had long hair since school days because he was so self conscious of his ears. But he is very confident because that was all he was ridiculed for and he is able to hide it and thinks everything else is right. He is a manager of a successful power company. So it shows that put downs and ridicule can deeply effect us, but its time to get all this crap for the past sorted. I am living my life with a self image that developed when I was about 18 based on all the ridicule and name calling about my flaws. I have believed that is who I am. I have changed loads since those days but because of SA and distancing myself from people I have had no real evidence that anything is different. I have beliefs like flaws in myself are terrible things because I know people will be so horrible and judge me negatively for them, yet everyone has 'flaws'. I have even written on here that I couldn't accept myself if I looked like most other people I see in the street. So its not about my flaws its about my deep rooted beliefs of myself and of what things like flaws in myself mean. I am going to sort all this out hopefully very very soon.
But how big a factor in your SA does being self conscious, so aware of your flaws and your abilities compared to that of fearing people? Do you really fear people judging you or is it that you are just so negative on yourself that you feel so inadequate compared to others and hence feel self conscious?
I know there will be those who have always feared interacting with people from as far as they can remember, which means the answers come from a different angle.
I am spending all week working on this self consciousness, I have already made some interesting discoveries when looking into my past and how this self consciousness developed. I feel I need to get right to the bottom of all this and start fixing wrong beliefs. I realise I simply have to change this mindset of how I see myself and I must go back and aim to put things right. It will be hard but there is no other way I can fix this. I mean honestly, 95% of the insults and name calling were from either the scummiest kids in the year who were acting the tough guys, or they were from loud mouth girls who were trying to show off to kids by putting me down, or insensitive jerks who thought it was funny to ridicule people. I believed all these bastards and took their comments as if it was fact because it was just prolonged over years and people would laugh and their friends would say the same things, it is really hard to keep a positive self image when you are being constantly called names, ridiculed, insulted, laughed at for 'flaws'. One of my best friends had 'big ears' - I mean big deal - and this is what I mean - I accept other people's flaws as nothing but think mine were so terrible. But he was deeply effected too, he has always had long hair since school days because he was so self conscious of his ears. But he is very confident because that was all he was ridiculed for and he is able to hide it and thinks everything else is right. He is a manager of a successful power company. So it shows that put downs and ridicule can deeply effect us, but its time to get all this crap for the past sorted. I am living my life with a self image that developed when I was about 18 based on all the ridicule and name calling about my flaws. I have believed that is who I am. I have changed loads since those days but because of SA and distancing myself from people I have had no real evidence that anything is different. I have beliefs like flaws in myself are terrible things because I know people will be so horrible and judge me negatively for them, yet everyone has 'flaws'. I have even written on here that I couldn't accept myself if I looked like most other people I see in the street. So its not about my flaws its about my deep rooted beliefs of myself and of what things like flaws in myself mean. I am going to sort all this out hopefully very very soon.
