How big a factor is a belief 'that you cannot do it'?

[charlieHungerford]

I couldn't get the whole question on the title, but this morning I have been working on some feared situations that cause huge anxiety, i.e. for myself public speaking, but forget the situation of public speaking as I wondering if others fear a situation simply because you have a belief that you cannot do it, which is based on past experience?

For instance I have had really bad, humiliating experiences with public speaking where I was so anxious (which developed because I was ridiculed over a speech impediment) that I could hardly get my words out.

I have worked on desensitising and not feeling scared by what people think and that it is no big deal at all is speaking, but when faced with this situation my mind just gets so scared believing I cannot do it, which is what makes me so scared. I am going to work on this this afternoon, I mean its not right, I can speak fine and confidently around friends, family, work colleagues I work with. I have to overcome this!

Does anyone else have this belief that they think they could do it if only they didn't have a belief that they can't? I know that sounds stupid really.

Any thoughts?

 

[charlieHungerford]

I am wondering if this is a seperate issue than SP, I have just read about the fear of failing/failure:

Known by a number of names - Atychiphobia and Fear of Failure being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences fear of failing in their own way and may have different symptoms.

Its a tricky one because its a social situation, but in this sort of situation I am fearing failing and the humiliation of failing. I will have to think more about this this afternoon. But it would appear that fear of failing is a seperate issue to fear of a situation. Even if it is the same thing it still needs addressing - i.e. fearing being unable to do it.

 

[mienaino]

I am wondering if this is a seperate issue than SP, I have just read about the fear of failing/failure:

The fear of failure and the fear of a situation are different. If the fear is being unable to perform or function in a situation, it is not the fear of failure, it is the fear of fear, or of anxiety, which will render a person unable to complete a task. This may be failure, in a sense, but the failure is only tangental to the situation, and is not what is actually feared. To fear failure is also different from fearing the negative results from failure. Such as the difference between the simple fear of losing a game of chess, and the fear that if you lose a game of chess, you will be regarded as a lesser chess player for it. Some people are better described by the former, and that is the fear of failure.

 

[charlieHungerford]

Yeah you could be right. I have been thinking about this this afternoon and I think the problem is that I fear speaking when anxious, and well its debatable what triggers the fear, i.e. the situation, the belief I cannot do it because of past experience, the fear of failing, the fear of speaking, etc, etc - it could be everything that just freaks me out and I fear speaking when anxious, which is fearing speaking because of the feeling of fear. It seems like the solution to beat this is in theory to build up confidence through practice. I just think if I could believe I could do it (if I had some past experience to recall on) then I feel I will be able to do it and all this fear would go. I would do public speaking classes if I can do it around people who are in the same boat, but whether I can find something like that I don't know.

However, it just seems silly that I cannot convince myself I can do it because I can speak fine and confidently when not overcome by huge anxiety. I just need belief that I can do this and its not something beyond me. I mean things I know I can do and have confidence that I can do it, I have confidence and perform well. But when you think you are going to fail then well basically you are going to fail.

But when facing the situation and all your experience is so negative and terrifying and bad, it seems an impossible task to go into the situation with confidence and belief that you can succeed. I wish I could work out a way I could believe I can do this.