Hoping to Help

[chris123]

I know someone very close to me who I believe suffers from social anxiety disorder. She constantly turns down requests from the few friends she has to go out and also seems to have low self esteem. I care about her dearly and I know she really is a wonderful person she is just sometimes unsure of herself. I would love to see her to seek help with this issue because I think she would be a much happier person. However, I am unsure of how to approach her and exactly what to say. She becomes defensive very easily and I dont want my confronting her with the issue to become a fight.
If you were to confront someone or you were confronted by someone close to you who was concerned that you had social phobia, what would be the best or even worst ways to go about doing so?

 

[Danfalc]

Hey Chris

Thats a tricky question to answer.. the reason she probaly gets so defensive is because she doesnt see it as an illness which it is.She probaly see's it as a fault. with herself.. her personality.So someone bringing it up is going to be painfull for her as she kinda takes it as an insult and feels ashamed... thats how i felt anyway.

In real life im very private about my anxiety.. as i dont feel most people would understand.I honestly think the best way you can help her is to just be there for her if she needs it and not confront her.Things are long and slow with sp.. so dont try and force anything on her just be ready to help and support her when she decides to do somthing herself, and i think its probaly best to let her open up to you about how she feels rather than you confront her.. i know that might be hard for you to do as you obviously care about her and want her to get better but rushing things could make things worse.

 

[thereishope]

hey chris,
it's a hard one, but my advice is to NOT confront her about it as it will probably make her withdraw even more. i know this because i have a group of friends who i'm very shy around and if anyone ever brought up the subject of my shyness or just in general, i would absolutely die!
it's probably best to be very discreet about it. for example, leave a book about social phobia where she could easily come across it.... or if your in a situation which is appropriate, say "don't you get nervous when blah blah blah..." so that the two of you can both relate to something which makes you both nervous, such as when giving a speech. though i think the book idea is important, because she may not even be aware that what she has is an ilness, and she may think that it;s something she just has to live with. in my situation, i had never heard of 'social phobia' but once i started to educate myself about it i realised that there is help out there, and shortly (hopefully) i'll be on the road to recovery.
best of luck, she's lucky to have a friend that cares so much.

 

[logitechdog]

To go about it I would use the friend way of getting through to her start very small and build up on her trusting you - basicly ask questions that will help you to understand her - body language will tell you alot about how she is feeling, try to keep her keeping eye contact while your talking to her if she starts - getting nervos you will know when to back off if she starts looking down and stop talking or shruging I would leave it for the day and come back later but only try talking to her when she has eye contact or a bit of eyecontact, just start small and work your way into the sb side and sticking a book infront of her is not a good idea coz i know how i feel when i get a book saying the thing i have infront of me does and it might hert her alot more than help.

 

[chris123]

thanks so much for all your input. i have a lot to think about before i decide what i will do.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hi chris, i can already tell your friend has a wonderful friend - you. she should take this into account because you're trying to help her for her and only because you care. you've got a big heart.

if you're going to confront her, ask her if she's even heard of social anxiety disorder, and even if she doesn't have it, she does show signs of something going on inside. just let her know that you are there for her. show her that.

don't press her, just tell her that you're there for her for support, that's really all you can do.

sorry i don't have better advice, keep us updated on what you decide - kudos to you you sound like a great person