Shyguy4
Active member
If you understand my last post you probably asked yourself o.k. I understand why I get anxiety in many situations in my life but why am I still the same person I can't talk to people and I can't socialize what's the point of knowing this?
The point of knowing this is to let you get on the right path to a recovery .....once we understand why we are the way we are we can start to understand what we need to do in order to change. In my last post I talked about opening ourselves up and still getting rejected such as school or work and even family... How can we use this in order to understand that my self value wasn't taken away or damaged in any way? first lets take a look at your situation. My situation in my life was that when I was in elementary school I used to get bullied by other kids and I used to ask myself why they picked on me and my conclusion as a kid was I was a loser and that's what everyone saw me as and that how the bully chose me as a victim. Do you see how I came to the conclusion that it's because I'm a loser and it just stands out to everyone and that's how I became bullied. It sounds reasonable which is why I believed it but I chose to look at myself other than the bully and that was my biggest mistake.
We choose to blame ourselves when other people make us feel bad this is why we are stuck in the way we think about ourselves.
when people don't like us we blame ourselves when we don't do a perfect job at something we blame ourselves...every little thing we do wrong we take away from our self-worth.
Damaging our own value is not the right way to go but its the way we are because of what we believe and that everything relates back to who we are.
the right way to think is o.k. this guy is bullying me, without using my value as a person or anybody elses value as a person let's understand why this kid is bullying me, It could because I'm smaller than this person or I did something to him he didn't like....These also seem reasonable too right?
So how was I supposed to look at all these reasonable situations and pick the one that was the truth? I didn't know what the kid was thinking but I assumed it was because I was not cool as everyone else I saw the cool people and they weren't getting bullied like I was but how come I was the only one getting bullied. I used my insecurities to make me believe why I was getting bullied I used my misfortunes in life as a way to damage my self-worth. If I couldn't understand what the bully was thinking I used my emotions to come up with a reason at the time I didn't have many friends because I just moved to the state from California and while I was getting bullied I couldn't help but notice that nobody else was getting bullied so I compared myself to other people and thought to myself that it was because I was not good enough and I wasn't cool as the other kids and the bully knew that. This is what happens when we blame OURSELVES...
Do you think the bully was thinking o.k. look at that guy right there I'm going to get to know him and everyting there is to know about him then if I don't like him I'm going to pick on this guy? no especially not my bully because my bully didn't even know my name but I still put the blame on myself because I was confused why I was the victim and not somebody else so the most reasonable thing I could do was compare myself to that somebody else.
What I Know now is that we do this everyday of our lives .. We damage our self worth by putting the blame on ourselves ..we look inside our value to see why things turned out the way they did and why people didn't like us but the thing is we are wrong for doing this. Once we start to realize that we are making this mistake we need to start to make a change. The next time someone says they don't want to spend time with you don't look at yourself and judge yourself as a bad person even though it seems reasonable because your putting yourself out there and the person doesn't want to spend time with YOU, but try looking at the situation a little better try to understand the SITUATION.
-Our regular thinking- What if the person thinks I'm a loser.
-What if the person doesn't know you well enough like if you ask someone on a date
-what if the person is busy that day
-what if the person doesn't like what your planning on doing that day
you see how each of the reasons can possibly be true even the thinking that involves our self-worth. How do we know that the first reason isn't true?
Since it can be true then that's probably what it is .. I mean there are such things as losers in the world and I could be one of them. you know why it's not that reason...it's because you are looking at yourself when you look at yourself you go inside your own mind on why this person turned you down.
Which doesn't make sense! you can't look at yourself and your own mind and put it on another person you cant think your the best person in the world then assume that what the other person thinks of you because that's how you feel about yourself everyone has there OWN mind and we are not mind readers that's why we have to look at the SITUATION the things that are involved in how,why,when, and where this SITUATION took place.
We are stuck on the habit of damaging our self worth and we need to start being honest to Ourselves stop telling yourself that you as a person caused all the bad things it's the situations in your life that explain and honestly tell you why things turned out the way they did.
The point of knowing this is to let you get on the right path to a recovery .....once we understand why we are the way we are we can start to understand what we need to do in order to change. In my last post I talked about opening ourselves up and still getting rejected such as school or work and even family... How can we use this in order to understand that my self value wasn't taken away or damaged in any way? first lets take a look at your situation. My situation in my life was that when I was in elementary school I used to get bullied by other kids and I used to ask myself why they picked on me and my conclusion as a kid was I was a loser and that's what everyone saw me as and that how the bully chose me as a victim. Do you see how I came to the conclusion that it's because I'm a loser and it just stands out to everyone and that's how I became bullied. It sounds reasonable which is why I believed it but I chose to look at myself other than the bully and that was my biggest mistake.
We choose to blame ourselves when other people make us feel bad this is why we are stuck in the way we think about ourselves.
when people don't like us we blame ourselves when we don't do a perfect job at something we blame ourselves...every little thing we do wrong we take away from our self-worth.
Damaging our own value is not the right way to go but its the way we are because of what we believe and that everything relates back to who we are.
the right way to think is o.k. this guy is bullying me, without using my value as a person or anybody elses value as a person let's understand why this kid is bullying me, It could because I'm smaller than this person or I did something to him he didn't like....These also seem reasonable too right?
So how was I supposed to look at all these reasonable situations and pick the one that was the truth? I didn't know what the kid was thinking but I assumed it was because I was not cool as everyone else I saw the cool people and they weren't getting bullied like I was but how come I was the only one getting bullied. I used my insecurities to make me believe why I was getting bullied I used my misfortunes in life as a way to damage my self-worth. If I couldn't understand what the bully was thinking I used my emotions to come up with a reason at the time I didn't have many friends because I just moved to the state from California and while I was getting bullied I couldn't help but notice that nobody else was getting bullied so I compared myself to other people and thought to myself that it was because I was not good enough and I wasn't cool as the other kids and the bully knew that. This is what happens when we blame OURSELVES...
Do you think the bully was thinking o.k. look at that guy right there I'm going to get to know him and everyting there is to know about him then if I don't like him I'm going to pick on this guy? no especially not my bully because my bully didn't even know my name but I still put the blame on myself because I was confused why I was the victim and not somebody else so the most reasonable thing I could do was compare myself to that somebody else.
What I Know now is that we do this everyday of our lives .. We damage our self worth by putting the blame on ourselves ..we look inside our value to see why things turned out the way they did and why people didn't like us but the thing is we are wrong for doing this. Once we start to realize that we are making this mistake we need to start to make a change. The next time someone says they don't want to spend time with you don't look at yourself and judge yourself as a bad person even though it seems reasonable because your putting yourself out there and the person doesn't want to spend time with YOU, but try looking at the situation a little better try to understand the SITUATION.
-Our regular thinking- What if the person thinks I'm a loser.
-What if the person doesn't know you well enough like if you ask someone on a date
-what if the person is busy that day
-what if the person doesn't like what your planning on doing that day
you see how each of the reasons can possibly be true even the thinking that involves our self-worth. How do we know that the first reason isn't true?
Since it can be true then that's probably what it is .. I mean there are such things as losers in the world and I could be one of them. you know why it's not that reason...it's because you are looking at yourself when you look at yourself you go inside your own mind on why this person turned you down.
Which doesn't make sense! you can't look at yourself and your own mind and put it on another person you cant think your the best person in the world then assume that what the other person thinks of you because that's how you feel about yourself everyone has there OWN mind and we are not mind readers that's why we have to look at the SITUATION the things that are involved in how,why,when, and where this SITUATION took place.
We are stuck on the habit of damaging our self worth and we need to start being honest to Ourselves stop telling yourself that you as a person caused all the bad things it's the situations in your life that explain and honestly tell you why things turned out the way they did.