Holly
New member
hi my names Holly and I'm 19 living at home with my parents.
I watched a programme called 'too ugly for love' and something about the people on it reminded me of myself;
For the past three years I have barely socialised, when I go outside I sweat alot, I also tend to mess my lips up as I constantly chew them, I hate eating in public and can't stand to eat at the table with my family.
Whenever I go out I tend to wear very big baggy clothes, I have very curly hair and like to make it big so it hides my face, if I have a bad hair day or for some reason I have to tie my hair back I always make sure that I don't leave my room or wear a big hoodie when I go out, when I'm on the bus I get very paronoid about people looking at my nose from a side angle.
I'm also very suspicious when people are nice to me, I know it sounds silly but I wonder why anyonw wants to bother with me. the fact that I'm so ugly has alot to do with it, I feel like I don't have a nice personality so I need my looks in order to survive.
I stopped going to school as I was scared of chatting to people in the common room, in the end I missed so much school that I had to drop out, I started at a new school thinking that the problem was my old school and not me but in the end the pattern continued and I got lousy grades.
I used to be a confident person but now I spend my time worrying and analysing everything I do, I've even started to stutter and blush when people talk to me!
I don't know whats wrong with me, I am so sick of my family telling me to get a life and find some friends, its all so easy for them to get on in life - why can't I??
even today my dad turned around and told me that I didn't fool anyone with my 'tough girl' act. he insisted I sat at the dinner table and when I did he spent the whole time ripping me to shreds infront of my family - whilst my mother kept chipping in with her usual 'Holly's a perfectly normal teenager, when I was her age....' in the end I just went up to my room and watched T.V. The thing was I honestly wasn't upset about the things he said to me - I knew these things about myself already - I was just upset because up until today I thought my 'tough girl' act had been fooling them. Today I realised the only fool is me.
I watched a programme called 'too ugly for love' and something about the people on it reminded me of myself;
For the past three years I have barely socialised, when I go outside I sweat alot, I also tend to mess my lips up as I constantly chew them, I hate eating in public and can't stand to eat at the table with my family.
Whenever I go out I tend to wear very big baggy clothes, I have very curly hair and like to make it big so it hides my face, if I have a bad hair day or for some reason I have to tie my hair back I always make sure that I don't leave my room or wear a big hoodie when I go out, when I'm on the bus I get very paronoid about people looking at my nose from a side angle.
I'm also very suspicious when people are nice to me, I know it sounds silly but I wonder why anyonw wants to bother with me. the fact that I'm so ugly has alot to do with it, I feel like I don't have a nice personality so I need my looks in order to survive.
I stopped going to school as I was scared of chatting to people in the common room, in the end I missed so much school that I had to drop out, I started at a new school thinking that the problem was my old school and not me but in the end the pattern continued and I got lousy grades.
I used to be a confident person but now I spend my time worrying and analysing everything I do, I've even started to stutter and blush when people talk to me!
I don't know whats wrong with me, I am so sick of my family telling me to get a life and find some friends, its all so easy for them to get on in life - why can't I??
even today my dad turned around and told me that I didn't fool anyone with my 'tough girl' act. he insisted I sat at the dinner table and when I did he spent the whole time ripping me to shreds infront of my family - whilst my mother kept chipping in with her usual 'Holly's a perfectly normal teenager, when I was her age....' in the end I just went up to my room and watched T.V. The thing was I honestly wasn't upset about the things he said to me - I knew these things about myself already - I was just upset because up until today I thought my 'tough girl' act had been fooling them. Today I realised the only fool is me.
