Hi, i have this problem with girls

[maybeocd]

Yea i can talk to them
Yea i can read their signals (for the most part)
Im not scared of them

My problem is, when i get to like a girl and she likes me (or not which somtimes happens lol) i get really attached, i dont know why, its a real pain. This has happened twice to me and i really am sick of it, why the hell cant i just be like the guys that dont care? The ones that pick up and drop chicks easy? Am i a closet emo? I thought i had OCD earlier (maybe i do) which is why i ended up at this forum, a lot of the ocd peoples symptoms are present in me, specifically the symmetry ones. Touch somthing with one hand, therefore must touch it with the other kinda stuff.

Whats wrong with me?

 

[rado31]

I know how you are feeling . Although, i dont have symetry and that kind of obsessions , i attach to the girl immediately . Because i m lonely nowadays.
And not only that, whole my life i ve been dreaming about romantic living with soulmate. And i was more romantic than almost every girl that i meet. Now i m a wreck.

I remeber being attached to a complete different girls. It was lust only, but it ruined me.

Now, i dont contact them much, because they dont get me at all.
If i m nonserious , they think i m imature . If i speak seriously (philosophy and stuff) , they either dont get me, or they see me as someone who doesnt want relationship.

 

[maybeocd]

I know how you are feeling . Although, i dont have symetry and that kind of obsessions , i attach to the girl immediately . Because i m lonely nowadays.
And not only that, whole my life i ve been dreaming about romantic living with soulmate. And i was more romantic than almost every girl that i meet. Now i m a wreck.

I remeber being attached to a complete different girls. It was lust only, but it ruined me.

Now, i dont contact them much, because they dont get me at all.
If i m nonserious , they think i m imature . If i speak seriously (philosophy and stuff) , they either dont get me, or they see me as someone who doesnt want relationship.

Damn that sounds like me

 

[RiverLee]

Okay.. let me get this straight.. you get attached to her early on... but you dont want to.

I don't particularly want to give advice on how to become a player...

Now if I'm misunderstanding and you're saying you're getting too attached too early and turning girls away thats a totally different story. I would say that you need to work on being comfortable with reality, not some romantic idea you conjured up in your head. That being said I'm dating a guy who picked up a souvienger on our first date and dropped a line about showing the grandchildren... so it's not like you can't date lol.. just have to find an understanding person. You'll see reality in time just hopefully you'll be happy with who your with when that comes.

 

[emmdee]

Not a single thing is wrong with you.
It is you, actually, who will probably end up having the better life.
The guys that don't care...nobody cares back.
You have to care. If you don't, you won't get anywhere.

 

[BrokenSmile]

why the hell cant i just be like the guys that dont care? The ones that pick up and drop chicks easy?

How old are you?
Don't worry, you will become what you wish soon after you will have a girl to love you and give you confidence. :wink:

 

[mienaino]

I do this as well. In my case, it isn't even necessary for me to know the other person... I've developed that sort of attachment at first sight before, and in the worst case, it lasted six years.
I've been looking for an explanation myself, but nothing satisfies.
The closest I've come to understanding this phenomenon is from a psychological perspective... having to do with a lack of social interactions with the opposite sex, not counting immediate family, for the majority (the whole) of my childhood. That in combination with a few other things (which I shant go into).
I came to this conclusion based on an observation; I've noticed that people who have had overly social childhoods, and have had partners of the opposite sex at younger ages tend to have more difficulty forming meaningful intimate relationships with them, but experience less anxiety over them (and, as it follows, have an easier time severing relationships)

 

[unintentional]

I do this as well. In my case, it isn't even necessary for me to know the other person... I've developed that sort of attachment at first sight before, and in the worst case, it lasted six years.

That sounds just like me but it's only been two years so far. Please don't tell me it can last any longer, it is absolute torture

 

[rado31]

I do this as well. In my case, it isn't even necessary for me to know the other person... I've developed that sort of attachment at first sight before, and in the worst case, it lasted six years.

That sounds just like me but it's only been two years so far. Please don't tell me it can last any longer, it is absolute torture

It can last more. It is normal . It is who you are .

 

[icefox]

I find that I have the same problem as you. I get too attached to a girl, whether we're in a relationship, and even if we're just friends. For me the solution is to talk to more girls. The more girls you talk to the less focus you have on "the one". When you focus on anything, you tend to become more attached to a subject. But when you diversify, your mind naturally loosens its strength of attachment because it must deal with multiple subjects.

I'm not saying to be a player. I'm saying that if you do want to maintain a relationship, and not get attached (addicted) to just "the one", you're going to need to have acquaintances or friendships with at least a couple of girls (say at least 6 or more).

 

[Meee]

I'm not saying to be a player. I'm saying that if you do want to maintain a relationship, and not get attached (addicted) to just "the one", you're going to need to have acquaintances or friendships with at least a couple of girls (say at least 6 or more).

That's nice. Except I don't even have six male friends :|

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I agree with the 2 privious post. Having more friends will eliminate the attachment but thats another problem in it self because of our shyness.

 

[everything_ends]

i dont think theres anything wrong with you either.
because i hardly ever get any attention from guys, if it happens i can get attached really easy too, and if someone online says something really nice about my pic, i cant get it out of my head

 

[blackomen]

Hehe, I can relate to you man. I've met this girl who's in a couple of my classes at school and I didn't really find her terribly attractive at first. (I was going after a few other girls at that time.) But she started hitting on me and wanting to spend time with me. Now, I find myself thinking about her a little too much in my free time.

From what I can gather, she seems a bit lonely. Despite being almost 23, she's told me she has never had a boyfriend.

I think having other pursuits in life will help ease the problem if not relieve it completely. Work, school, travel, hobbies, other women, etc.

 

[sitting_by_myself]

It's funny, I was going to post the exact same problem!

As soon as I get remotely friendly with a girl, I get stupidly hooked.

For me, it's with girls I find attractive (ie. hot girls - and that's a whole other problem!) and they usually demonstrate some kind of interest back. BUT usually, it's just them flirting and they don't see me in the way that I see them.

I'm still thinking about a girl I met several weeks ago! For the little time that I spent with her, we got on well. Because she was very attractive and acknowledged my existence on this planet, I immediately fell for her! I don't think I'll ever see her again but that hasn't stopped me thinking about her almost every day and playing scenarios in my head of what I should have said or done differently when I was with her.

I really sympathise with your situation; it's not a nice position to be in - especially if you know nothing is likely to ever come of it.

Why do I do it?

I think it's because I don't talk to girls that often and I'm flattered when they don't mind talking back to me. As I already said, for some reason it's only the pretty girls that get my heart racing; I don't really give the other ones another thought. Yeah, bad I know.

The solution?

Probably what someone else said: enlarge your social circle (or make an effort to start one!) and talk to more girls. Hopefully it will get to a point where you'll like another person because of who they are rather than what they look like or whether they've shown you a sliver of interest.

Until then, as a consolation prize, seek solace in the fact there's many other people in your wretched situation...