Hi guys

[Silvermonkey]

I'm a 20 year old guy, am a full time university student and I'm pretty sure I suffer from social phobia. Every weekend I am alone, at my computer or just walking around doing nothing. I may have a girlfriend but she lives far away and we only get to see each other every 6 months or so. I have some acquaintances at university and they seem friendly enough but no matter how hard I try I can't make them into real friends, you know? The kind that you see in the weekend and go out and party with or have fun with like everyone else seems to do. It gets so lonely and I feel so isolated. Are some people just not supposed to have friends?

 

[IceLad]

Are some people just not supposed to have friends?

It certainly feels that way sometimes doesn't it?! Not matter how much we try, things just don't seem to go our way!

But what we feel can be misleading. There's nothing stopping anyone having friends if they want them. Alas, there is no miracle cure for SP, but I think the key is to make gradual small steps, getting used to them, and then building up from that.

For example, go for a drink with your acquaintances, stay 10 minutes, then make your excuses and leave. Over time, gradually build up these 10 minutes to say, a hour. Perhaps there are other situations/ events you could work on?

Last of all, welcome to the site Silvermonkey!

 

[leo62]

I'm in the same situation... how are you doing in college? I'm not so well this term(semester).

 

[Silvermonkey]

Hi guys, thanks for the advice. To the first replier I actually do like hanging out and when I am with people I like I really do enjoy myself. This is what makes me wonder what I have, a lot of you guys seem to go out and are totally turned off, can't speak etc. but I am perfectly happy to and come out of my shell around people I can trust. My problem is meeting people, I'm petrified about going up to a stranger and starting a conversation so this means making friends for me is very difficult. And to leo I'm doing ok at university however I still don't feel I fit in very well. I want a group of friends who I can go out with and do the usual stuff university students do but I do none of that. I either sit at my computer all weekend or I sleep and I hate this. I know people are out there having a good time and here I am!

 

[cornbread]

Hello, this story is identicle to what my story is like. I just turned 21 and am a full time university student. I spend my weekends in my room on the computer or watching tv. I have trouble meeting new people and socializing often. I have low self-esteem, confidence, and social skills but I just started to get help. My main problem now is figuring out what I am going to do after college. Most jobs are for people with good social skills. What are your plans for post college life silvermonkey?

 

[leo62]

silvermonkey, I like my class friends a lot, but I would to hang out with other people from other centers; you know, the girls are all at other centers: communication, med school etc. I too stay home at weekends mostly, but we're going to do smthg about it, aren't we?

 

[Silvermonkey]

My plan is to head over to Australia and start my career as a software engineer. There is social interaction involved there and I'm totally cool with that, when I've been introduced to people or if they approach me I'm totally fine. Weird huh? I just don't understand why I don't have friends.

 

[Pinkylegs]

Go to a bar, load up and party. You will still be lonely but will be too wasted to care.

 

[Silvermonkey]

Not very helpful Pinky.