truenorth
New member
Hi everyone.
My name's Dan. I'm 26 and in Edmonton. One of my resolutions this year is to take some concrete steps to overcome my social anxiety. It's 1 AM in the morning, I can't sleep and I'm feeling reflective. So here's my story for anyone that might be reading.
I'm debating whether I've always had social anxiety, but certainly since my teenage years, it's been a big issue for me.
First, I'm happy to say that I have done well in some areas of my life. I've had no real problems with independence or ability to work. I'm also quite able to cope in one-on-one social situations. While I avoided starting University until I was 24 due to fear of the social situations involved, I finally made that leap. I even found myself taking on a leadership role in some of my classes.
I currently teach conversational English to a small class in a volunteer role, something that absolutely terrified me initially, but that I now find surprisingly manageable. I also work a part time job that requires me to interact with dozens or hundreds of people a day.
So you might ask, how anxious can I be if I can do these things?
Well, I think that the *social* part of my anxiety is the key. It's things like small talk, flirting, parties, and generally situations with my peers that cause panic attacks. While I can present, if prepared, in front of a group of students, I can't participate in a class discussion. My heart starts pounding and I get lightheaded, and can't formulate a thought. If I speak, my voice wavers and I have trouble speaking coherently.
Similarly, in social situations, I become very quiet and unable to focus on the conversation at hand due to my nervousness. I can be a witty guy if I'm relaxed, but these times are few and far between for me. There are only a few people I can be around and really feel at ease with. Even with friends and family, I retreat into an awkward silence. Even in a fairly small group of 3, 4, or 5.
It seems that when there's a task at hand, I can focus on that, and the conversation comes naturally. But at, say, a dinner party, I feel paralyzed and overwhelmed, and on a couple rare occasions, to the point of panic.
I have had a couple relationships, but I have been single for a long time now.... Here's something I'm really curious about for those who have had or are in successful relationships: my anxiety has made it difficult to establish and maintain friendships, therefore I have a pretty small circle of friends. Did you find this lack of a large social network made you more hesitant to date, fearing that you'd be 'found out'? I know it inhibits me.
It's almost like a cycle where it's hard to make friends without having a lot of friends already. When I do meet someone, if I do OK initially, I always regret that I don't have that close circle of friends I can introduce them to and I fear that they'll find this to be strange or a problem. This usually prevents me from making that leap and trying to initiate something.
Also, does anyone, like me, do well when there's a task at hand (like at work) but struggle otherwise?
I'm new here and I'd love to hear from anyone who can relate. Please contact me if you like. Look forward to meeting some of you!
My name's Dan. I'm 26 and in Edmonton. One of my resolutions this year is to take some concrete steps to overcome my social anxiety. It's 1 AM in the morning, I can't sleep and I'm feeling reflective. So here's my story for anyone that might be reading.
I'm debating whether I've always had social anxiety, but certainly since my teenage years, it's been a big issue for me.
First, I'm happy to say that I have done well in some areas of my life. I've had no real problems with independence or ability to work. I'm also quite able to cope in one-on-one social situations. While I avoided starting University until I was 24 due to fear of the social situations involved, I finally made that leap. I even found myself taking on a leadership role in some of my classes.
I currently teach conversational English to a small class in a volunteer role, something that absolutely terrified me initially, but that I now find surprisingly manageable. I also work a part time job that requires me to interact with dozens or hundreds of people a day.
So you might ask, how anxious can I be if I can do these things?
Well, I think that the *social* part of my anxiety is the key. It's things like small talk, flirting, parties, and generally situations with my peers that cause panic attacks. While I can present, if prepared, in front of a group of students, I can't participate in a class discussion. My heart starts pounding and I get lightheaded, and can't formulate a thought. If I speak, my voice wavers and I have trouble speaking coherently.
Similarly, in social situations, I become very quiet and unable to focus on the conversation at hand due to my nervousness. I can be a witty guy if I'm relaxed, but these times are few and far between for me. There are only a few people I can be around and really feel at ease with. Even with friends and family, I retreat into an awkward silence. Even in a fairly small group of 3, 4, or 5.
It seems that when there's a task at hand, I can focus on that, and the conversation comes naturally. But at, say, a dinner party, I feel paralyzed and overwhelmed, and on a couple rare occasions, to the point of panic.
I have had a couple relationships, but I have been single for a long time now.... Here's something I'm really curious about for those who have had or are in successful relationships: my anxiety has made it difficult to establish and maintain friendships, therefore I have a pretty small circle of friends. Did you find this lack of a large social network made you more hesitant to date, fearing that you'd be 'found out'? I know it inhibits me.
It's almost like a cycle where it's hard to make friends without having a lot of friends already. When I do meet someone, if I do OK initially, I always regret that I don't have that close circle of friends I can introduce them to and I fear that they'll find this to be strange or a problem. This usually prevents me from making that leap and trying to initiate something.
Also, does anyone, like me, do well when there's a task at hand (like at work) but struggle otherwise?
I'm new here and I'd love to hear from anyone who can relate. Please contact me if you like. Look forward to meeting some of you!
