will88
New member
hi everyone, i still can't believe I'm posting on one of these forums but after just browsing along the net and coming across this site, i felt i needed to get this off my chest....
it's going to be really hard to convey my story to you because I'm not the greatest with "words" but i'll do my best, here it goes...
Im not exactly what you would call a "social phobic" , I actually do have a couple close friends but i guess my main problem is i don't have very many. My story is a very different point of view from the majority of the people on this forum, (Believe me Im not trying to brag here, or get some kind of personal satisfaction by pretending to be someone just to feel better about myself) Im actually the typical all-american type, athletic, good looking guy who has inner issues that no one ever sees. Man this is hard!
here let me take you back, in grade school(grade eight) I was always one of "the cool kids", i was socially outgoing, very loud, big personality, i was always around and talking to the hot girls, and my very best friend was the envy of the school. Those were the days, then when i got to high school things began to change. I guess i kind of centered my whole life around my bestfriend(mentioned above), we were always together, always the envy of others, everyone looked up to him, but unfortunately for me...he changed. He began hanging out with another crowd outside of school, and we grew apart. To this day we are still friends and once in awhile hangout but it's not the same.
Once i lost that security he provided, i lost confidence, got really quite, felt extremely depressed, and really only talked to the 4, 5 friends i have. Since those early days in HS things have changed abit. I have a bit of a rep in school, alot of people know and respect me, no one would dare mess with me and there would be alot of people who would stand up for me to.... but i guess my main problem and the reason im posting today is that, no one (aside the couple close friends i have ) knows its all an act! i put up this big character like im somebody and most people believe it just because of the way i look! but truthfully i am very alone! i always have the feeling like im missing out! aside from my 2 best friends no one really cares about me, no one calls me, no one misses me....its a really depressing feeling/situation, so depressing to the point where i contemplate suicide.
I guess i should also mention that i do have some mental issues, my parents took me to a therapist when i was in grade 6(no one ever inspected it, and wouldn't believe it if they knew) because i had some issues with my head/mind where i couldn't stop thinking about things, I constantly obsessed over little things that i couldn't get out of my head no matter what i did, almost made me go crazy! but again no one ever knew about it...
i guess this post is really just a cry for help, i feel so alone nowadays. I get this nervous feeling when i think about it. whats worse is that, because i dont appear as someone who would have any problems making friends, or being with girls, my family degrades me..yeah thats the worst part. My brother(a huge socialite) and parents will put me down or make jokes about how i don't have anything to do, anyone to see (that is aside from my 2 best friends and our 2 other buddies who sometime tag along). basically my social life consists of smoking weed with my 2-3 buddies every weekend, and then coming back to my place to just watch TV on my couch. It's becoming so depressing and i just can't take it anymore.
Sometimes i see the incredible hot girls i use to get with when i was 13-14 and they'll give me a flirtacious smile or say hi, and it'll just make me so sad and frustrated because i realize i could never have that anymore...now I'm just finishing off whats left of my HS life(which for the most part has been dreadful) and stressing over college. I get the feeling like college is my last chance to rejuvanate my life, get back in the swing of things, make new friends, maybe meet a girl, finally feel comfortable again, and if not be alone forever or suicide, seriously.
i know this is dreadfully long, but this will be my one and only post, this is my story , I've poured my heart out, and now I'm done. For those of you who actually took their time to read this I trully appreciate it. any advice,replys, comments, help, other points of view would be helpful...
thank you
it's going to be really hard to convey my story to you because I'm not the greatest with "words" but i'll do my best, here it goes...
Im not exactly what you would call a "social phobic" , I actually do have a couple close friends but i guess my main problem is i don't have very many. My story is a very different point of view from the majority of the people on this forum, (Believe me Im not trying to brag here, or get some kind of personal satisfaction by pretending to be someone just to feel better about myself) Im actually the typical all-american type, athletic, good looking guy who has inner issues that no one ever sees. Man this is hard!
here let me take you back, in grade school(grade eight) I was always one of "the cool kids", i was socially outgoing, very loud, big personality, i was always around and talking to the hot girls, and my very best friend was the envy of the school. Those were the days, then when i got to high school things began to change. I guess i kind of centered my whole life around my bestfriend(mentioned above), we were always together, always the envy of others, everyone looked up to him, but unfortunately for me...he changed. He began hanging out with another crowd outside of school, and we grew apart. To this day we are still friends and once in awhile hangout but it's not the same.
Once i lost that security he provided, i lost confidence, got really quite, felt extremely depressed, and really only talked to the 4, 5 friends i have. Since those early days in HS things have changed abit. I have a bit of a rep in school, alot of people know and respect me, no one would dare mess with me and there would be alot of people who would stand up for me to.... but i guess my main problem and the reason im posting today is that, no one (aside the couple close friends i have ) knows its all an act! i put up this big character like im somebody and most people believe it just because of the way i look! but truthfully i am very alone! i always have the feeling like im missing out! aside from my 2 best friends no one really cares about me, no one calls me, no one misses me....its a really depressing feeling/situation, so depressing to the point where i contemplate suicide.
I guess i should also mention that i do have some mental issues, my parents took me to a therapist when i was in grade 6(no one ever inspected it, and wouldn't believe it if they knew) because i had some issues with my head/mind where i couldn't stop thinking about things, I constantly obsessed over little things that i couldn't get out of my head no matter what i did, almost made me go crazy! but again no one ever knew about it...
i guess this post is really just a cry for help, i feel so alone nowadays. I get this nervous feeling when i think about it. whats worse is that, because i dont appear as someone who would have any problems making friends, or being with girls, my family degrades me..yeah thats the worst part. My brother(a huge socialite) and parents will put me down or make jokes about how i don't have anything to do, anyone to see (that is aside from my 2 best friends and our 2 other buddies who sometime tag along). basically my social life consists of smoking weed with my 2-3 buddies every weekend, and then coming back to my place to just watch TV on my couch. It's becoming so depressing and i just can't take it anymore.
Sometimes i see the incredible hot girls i use to get with when i was 13-14 and they'll give me a flirtacious smile or say hi, and it'll just make me so sad and frustrated because i realize i could never have that anymore...now I'm just finishing off whats left of my HS life(which for the most part has been dreadful) and stressing over college. I get the feeling like college is my last chance to rejuvanate my life, get back in the swing of things, make new friends, maybe meet a girl, finally feel comfortable again, and if not be alone forever or suicide, seriously.
i know this is dreadfully long, but this will be my one and only post, this is my story , I've poured my heart out, and now I'm done. For those of you who actually took their time to read this I trully appreciate it. any advice,replys, comments, help, other points of view would be helpful...
thank you
