heyy! I'm new,, kinda. a tiny pary of my stori lol

[ThatOneGirl]

hey, whats up? I was a member here a few yrs ago for about 8 months and rlly liked it then we got our internet cut off but we just got internet back (finally) but i dont remember my old username n password so im just gonna start over not sure if i remember any of yall but im 16, i live in oklahoma city. I've always been shy but i didnt have full blown S.A. till a few yrs ago (when i 1st joined here) idk where my S.A. comes frm (wheres ne1s come from?) but my older brother had it 2 but has pretty much beat it (i hope i do soon!!) and a big thing thats caused my SA is that we move so so much pretty much evry yr and u can image how awful that is w/ SA, new school, new town, new evrything. just when I'm gettin a little comfortable somewhere my mom deciedes to up n leave 4 no reason. i rlly want medicine 4 SA but the dr wouldnt give me any benozymes idk y tho my mom doesnt understand SA AT ALL and gets frustrated w/ me alot. im in 10th grade (7 wks till summer yay!) ima girl, some ppl w/ SA ud never guess in a million yrs they had it by looking at them but w/ me, idk i kinda little i have blonde hair n blue eyes n evry1 always tells me i always look nervous and ive got an "innocent" look in my eyes. when my brother had SA he couldnt handle it and got into alotta drugs n alcohol. my SA has been the avoidant kind mostly, i hide if the doorbell rings and what not lol but im scared im gonna get into that stuff 2 becuz of depression and SA i drink and smoke and stuff just on the wkends right now (it got me in ALOTTA trouble last wkend) but anyways dont wanna make u read too much but just wanted 2 say hey and cant wait 2 get 2 know all yall!

 

[Danfalc]

Heyas welcome back to the site! Gawd that must suck getting moved bout all the time.. i cant settle where i am and ive lived here 3 years lol.Soz ya mum doesnt understand.. my parents didnt either specialy my dad.. and i know how hard that can be cos they try and push you to do things thinkin there helpin when there not.Anyway its good your brother has beaten it.. does he know you have sp aswell.. cos if so ya not gonna get much better help than someone who has beaten it and knows what ya going through and loves ya 2.

Anyway about the benzos.. doctors are really reluctant to perscribe them because.. they use to hand em out like sweeties to anyone and people got hooked and mis used them and they can actualy be more addictive than heroin 8O.But im not gonna sit here and argue the pros and cons i f ya intrested ya can probaly find old topics about this.But yeah thats why and probaly with ya age... plus there a short term treatment and arnt ments as like a long term thing.Im on bensoz myself.. diazipam.. and they were a lifesaver when i was really ill and struggled to even step out of my flat.Now im not sure because i think i rely on them too much.. and if i dont use them i get worried i aint gonna cope without them so im starting to think im better using em only for emergencies now ie panick attacks.

Anyway soz for the babble 8O if you can get better without meds like that and can cope without do.. but if you really are struggling and nothing else is hellping.. you will have to keep asking the doctor for them... maybe even have to see a different doctor.. it took me about a year to get on them.But yeah welcome back!

 

[ThatOneGirl]

hey Danfalc, thats for the reply! whats a flat tho? lol my brother knos i have it but were not rlly that close so idk. and my mom said this is the only dr on her insurance the dr wont budge tho! 1 time i got so upset talkin w/ her my eyes started burnin and waterin up cuz god! i mean, if they could b us for 1 day theyd do evrything they could 2 help! plus my mom doesnt rlly want me on em cuz she thinks ill use them 2 "get high" lol oh and i kno EXACTLY what ya mean bout parents pushing u 2 do stuff thinkin their helpin, that pretty much sums my mom up lol like if i want her 2 order pizza or we're at the store n i ask her 2 get a salesperson 2 find somethin, she wont, shell make me ehhh.

 

[ThatOneGirl]

yah its hard tho me and my brother used 2 be soooo close growing up but the past yr or 2 hes treated me AWSUL hes 1 of those ppl i guess that make themselfs feel better by putting other ppl down- mostly me. and yah i take prozac but i dont think its doing much 4 anything. why r so many ppl agianst medicine? and my moms a consulor (well not right now) so over the yrs she made me talk 2 several different consoulors and its just rlly not 4 me. they say therapist kids r the ppl that r the most screw-up, its prob true lol omfg my hearts pounding like crazy. i just heard a loud thud n looked behind me and my dog looked dead n his chest wasnt movin hes ok tho i swear if anything ever happened 2 him id die hes everything, which prob isnt 2 healthy lol.