MrAnonymous
Member
Hi everyone. I just registered to this forum because I have been suffering with a form of SA for most of my life. From what I understand there are degrees and types of SA. From what I have read, some people feel uncomfortable around all people and some only feel uncomfortable in certain situations. Here's how I feel: (Brace yourself for a long message! I hope people read and understand how I feel)
--I feel like everybody is judging me. The reason I feel this way is because I believe that it is human nature to judge a person. Even if nothing is said to me or no visual clues of judging are apparent, I feel that I am being judged in person's thoughts. I've concluded that the reason I feel this way is because I, too judge people. Whenever I meet a person, I think of a few positive and a few negative things about them. (Ex: This girl is very attractive, so I'm probably not good enough for her and she will probably treat me with disrespect) (Another ex: This guy has bleach blonde hair and a cocky look on his face, so he is probably an asshole). I jusdge everybody, including my friends and family. Another example is when my dad makes a stupid joke I think to myself "Wow, what a geek." I know this sounds very derogatory but I still believe that nobody, regardless of how they portray themselves, is able to bypass judging people in their thoughts. I understand that somebody judging me should not matter to me at all, because it causes no physical harm and probably means nothing. However, it is terrifying to me.
--I generally feel the worst when talking to people who I know enough to be expected to talk to, but I am not close to them. For example, if I see an old high school classmate (particularly a girl) in a store, I feel obligated to say something. I want to make it as short as possible, because if I have to engage in a conversation I start to sweat profusely. Sweating only magnifies the problem, making me more embarrassed and causing me to sweat even more. Since I've been put on Cymbalta, some of my fears have dissipated a little bit, but I am going to stop taking it because it makes me sweat A LOT more. It's hard to make eye contact for a prolonged period of time, although I've been working on it and have gotten a little better. Also, I am so focused on being embarrassed that I tend to miss or forget a lot of what the person has to say. I am a great listener when I am not standing somewhere forced to talk one on one with a person, but I get so embarrassed that I cannot focus enough to listen to details in an ackward situation.
I hate my voice. In another thread somebody mentioned sounding like a little kid. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I talk too fast and my words slur a little bit, although I definitely don't have a speech impediment. I try to sound more like an adult when I'm out, but the cliche advice of "being yourself" always makes me think that I should not try to cover up who I am by acting differently, because eventually if someone gets to know me they'll know I was faking. It's comparable to the fact that I've gained some weight over the past 6 months, so trying to go out of my way to style my hair and look nice at this time is not something I will do because eventually, when the shirt comes off, the truth is exposed. Back to the voice though...everyone claims to "hate their own voice." But I really think I have a genuine reason to. It's not high pitched or anything, just "cute little kiddish" in a deeper sense.
--I'm only 22 and starting to lose hair in the front of my head. I NEVER go out without a hat. If i had a nice head of hair, I would feel very confident in the way I looked. A big problem with this is the fear of going to any formal event. It has kept me from ever wanting to try to go on a date somewhere nice (like a restaurant). I would feel like an asshole going to a nice restaurant with a hat on, so I avoid all dating situations. There have been times when I actually would have had the guts to go to a nice restarurant with a girl (although my SA has gotten worse so probably not anymore), but I opted out of asking because of my hair. People say "Oh it's not that bad," but when was the last time that statement worked?
--SA has severely limited my career choices. I am currently in college for a biology degree. My career aspirations have changed so much in the past few years because of SA. I am now looking for a summer job/possible career in which I can work alone, or work in an office where no one bothers me. I do not want to work directly with customers or co-workers or bosses. I am a motivated person when it comes to things I enjoy. My main goal in life is to find a job which I don't mind. It may be asking for a little too much if I wish to find a job i LOVE. However, too many people dispise their jobs, and I believe this is a waste of time and life. Work takes up over half of most peoples lives, and it shouldn't be something that most people absoultely HATE. I love driving, and was considering looking for a job in delivery so I won't have to interact with people too often. My point is, SA has really limited my choices of careers down to ones which include little/no social interaction. This makes it VERY difficult to find a job that I won't mind doing every day.
--As for the drug I was prescribed, Cymbalta, I was taking it for about a month (60 mg a day) and a few situations improved. I was able to go into the grocery store alone and not be overwhelmed by the masses of people "looking at me." I started to go out to bars and events a little bit more, and felt a tad better. Initially I was much happier in general, and had a better outlook on life. However, it caused me to sweat profusely (A) When I got out of the shower and (B) in situations which made me feel ackward such as talking to someone I didn't know too well. In fact, one day in class I had to speak to my professor before class face to face and I started pouring sweat. He was very concerned and asked me if I needed to be excused for a drink of water. I was flushed looking and pouring sweat. It has happened quite a bit (although not as bad as that one time) so I've decided to give it up and try counseling. I've never really believed that counseling could help such a problem, but I don't want to say I've never tried.
--In conclusion to my long post, I have a few final things to say. I believe that today's emphasis placed on one's social status is a primary reason for our SA problems. There are so many segregated "groups" of people, first and most evident in the high school days. I believe, however, that my problems today root from a problem I had when I was a young child. I was terrified of certain things...mainly being kidnapped, people breaking into my house, and ghosts. These fears made it incredibly difficult for me to go to sleep by myself, so all the way up intil I was about 14 years old I needed someone in the same room as me to get to sleep. I don't know where these fears originally rooted from, but I know that when this was happeneing, a psychologist had told my dad to expect for me to have social problems when I grew up. If anyone has any info on such fears and sleeping problems, please let me know!!!
Thanks for reading!!! I appreciate it if you've made it this far haha, and if anyone wants to talk, PM me for my instant messenger screen name!
--I feel like everybody is judging me. The reason I feel this way is because I believe that it is human nature to judge a person. Even if nothing is said to me or no visual clues of judging are apparent, I feel that I am being judged in person's thoughts. I've concluded that the reason I feel this way is because I, too judge people. Whenever I meet a person, I think of a few positive and a few negative things about them. (Ex: This girl is very attractive, so I'm probably not good enough for her and she will probably treat me with disrespect) (Another ex: This guy has bleach blonde hair and a cocky look on his face, so he is probably an asshole). I jusdge everybody, including my friends and family. Another example is when my dad makes a stupid joke I think to myself "Wow, what a geek." I know this sounds very derogatory but I still believe that nobody, regardless of how they portray themselves, is able to bypass judging people in their thoughts. I understand that somebody judging me should not matter to me at all, because it causes no physical harm and probably means nothing. However, it is terrifying to me.
--I generally feel the worst when talking to people who I know enough to be expected to talk to, but I am not close to them. For example, if I see an old high school classmate (particularly a girl) in a store, I feel obligated to say something. I want to make it as short as possible, because if I have to engage in a conversation I start to sweat profusely. Sweating only magnifies the problem, making me more embarrassed and causing me to sweat even more. Since I've been put on Cymbalta, some of my fears have dissipated a little bit, but I am going to stop taking it because it makes me sweat A LOT more. It's hard to make eye contact for a prolonged period of time, although I've been working on it and have gotten a little better. Also, I am so focused on being embarrassed that I tend to miss or forget a lot of what the person has to say. I am a great listener when I am not standing somewhere forced to talk one on one with a person, but I get so embarrassed that I cannot focus enough to listen to details in an ackward situation.
I hate my voice. In another thread somebody mentioned sounding like a little kid. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like I talk too fast and my words slur a little bit, although I definitely don't have a speech impediment. I try to sound more like an adult when I'm out, but the cliche advice of "being yourself" always makes me think that I should not try to cover up who I am by acting differently, because eventually if someone gets to know me they'll know I was faking. It's comparable to the fact that I've gained some weight over the past 6 months, so trying to go out of my way to style my hair and look nice at this time is not something I will do because eventually, when the shirt comes off, the truth is exposed. Back to the voice though...everyone claims to "hate their own voice." But I really think I have a genuine reason to. It's not high pitched or anything, just "cute little kiddish" in a deeper sense.
--I'm only 22 and starting to lose hair in the front of my head. I NEVER go out without a hat. If i had a nice head of hair, I would feel very confident in the way I looked. A big problem with this is the fear of going to any formal event. It has kept me from ever wanting to try to go on a date somewhere nice (like a restaurant). I would feel like an asshole going to a nice restaurant with a hat on, so I avoid all dating situations. There have been times when I actually would have had the guts to go to a nice restarurant with a girl (although my SA has gotten worse so probably not anymore), but I opted out of asking because of my hair. People say "Oh it's not that bad," but when was the last time that statement worked?
--SA has severely limited my career choices. I am currently in college for a biology degree. My career aspirations have changed so much in the past few years because of SA. I am now looking for a summer job/possible career in which I can work alone, or work in an office where no one bothers me. I do not want to work directly with customers or co-workers or bosses. I am a motivated person when it comes to things I enjoy. My main goal in life is to find a job which I don't mind. It may be asking for a little too much if I wish to find a job i LOVE. However, too many people dispise their jobs, and I believe this is a waste of time and life. Work takes up over half of most peoples lives, and it shouldn't be something that most people absoultely HATE. I love driving, and was considering looking for a job in delivery so I won't have to interact with people too often. My point is, SA has really limited my choices of careers down to ones which include little/no social interaction. This makes it VERY difficult to find a job that I won't mind doing every day.
--As for the drug I was prescribed, Cymbalta, I was taking it for about a month (60 mg a day) and a few situations improved. I was able to go into the grocery store alone and not be overwhelmed by the masses of people "looking at me." I started to go out to bars and events a little bit more, and felt a tad better. Initially I was much happier in general, and had a better outlook on life. However, it caused me to sweat profusely (A) When I got out of the shower and (B) in situations which made me feel ackward such as talking to someone I didn't know too well. In fact, one day in class I had to speak to my professor before class face to face and I started pouring sweat. He was very concerned and asked me if I needed to be excused for a drink of water. I was flushed looking and pouring sweat. It has happened quite a bit (although not as bad as that one time) so I've decided to give it up and try counseling. I've never really believed that counseling could help such a problem, but I don't want to say I've never tried.
--In conclusion to my long post, I have a few final things to say. I believe that today's emphasis placed on one's social status is a primary reason for our SA problems. There are so many segregated "groups" of people, first and most evident in the high school days. I believe, however, that my problems today root from a problem I had when I was a young child. I was terrified of certain things...mainly being kidnapped, people breaking into my house, and ghosts. These fears made it incredibly difficult for me to go to sleep by myself, so all the way up intil I was about 14 years old I needed someone in the same room as me to get to sleep. I don't know where these fears originally rooted from, but I know that when this was happeneing, a psychologist had told my dad to expect for me to have social problems when I grew up. If anyone has any info on such fears and sleeping problems, please let me know!!!
Thanks for reading!!! I appreciate it if you've made it this far haha, and if anyone wants to talk, PM me for my instant messenger screen name!
