Help?

[WalkingWithStrangers]

I don't know if I have social phobia or not. I tried talking to my mom about it, but she just told me that I'm "just shy and I need to go out and do more things."

Since middle school, I've noticed that I have less and less friends every year. I don't like it, but it's like I've forgotten how to make friends and even how to act around other people. I'm very socially inept, and if I say or do something that seems weird to me I think about it days, weeks, months, even years after it happened. I start eleventh grade next month, and I'm kind of scared to go back. I don't really have anyone I can "hang out" with (I spent the majority of the summer alone) so in classes and at lunch I'm usually the odd one out. Do I really have social phobia, or am I just shy? Is there anything I can do to make more friends, or at least get rid of the awkwardness and fear of interacting with people?

 

[Noca]

Dont expect a normie like your mother to understand what social anxiety is. See a doctor and get diagnosed then you can choose where to go from there whether it be therapy, meds, or both.

 

[VioletTears]

I remember being all alone in certain classes and during lunch when I was in highschool, too. It is a really horrible feeling. Life does get a little easier after highschool, IMO, because there's less of an expectation that you be social. Sooo, two more years!

I think the difference between shyness and social phobia is largely a matter of how much distress it causes you and how how much it impacts your ability to function. From what you have told us, I think there's a good chance that you do have social phobia. Have you seen the DSM criteria for social phobia? If not, here it is... If you meet the criteria then you more than likely have it, but of course, you need a professional to officially diagnose you...



According to the DSM-IV-TR[8], to be diagnosed with Social Phobia all these criteria (A-H) must be met:

A. A marked and persistent fear of one or more social performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms) that will be humiliating or embarrassing. Note: In children, there must be evidence of the capacity for age-appropriate social relationships with familiar people and the anxiety must occur in peer settings, not just in interactions with adults.

B. Exposure to the social or performance situation almost invariably provokes an immediate anxiety response. This response may take the form of a situationally bound or situationally people predisposed Panic Attack. Note: In children, the anxiety may be expressed by crying, tantrums, freezing, or shrinking from social situations with unfamiliar people.

C. The person recognizes that their fear is excessive or unreasonable. Note: In children, this feature may be absent.

D. The social or performance situation is avoided, although it is sometimes endured with dread (intense anxiety or distress).

E. The avoidance, anxious anticipation of, or distress in, the feared social or performance situation interferes significantly with the person's normal routine, occupational (academic) functioning, social life, or if the person is markedly distressed about having the phobia.

F. In individuals under age 18 years, the duration is at least 6 months.

G. The fear or avoidance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition and is not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g., Panic Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or Schizoid Personality Disorder).

H. If a general medical condition or another mental disorder is present, the fear in Criterion A or the avoidance in Criterion D, is unrelated to it (e.g., the fear is not of Stuttering, trembling in Parkinson's disease, or exhibiting abnormal eating behavior in Anorexia Nervosa).

 

[WalkingWithStrangers]

VioletTears, I remember reading that (on Wikipedia, I think), and I do think it describes me. I would still like to see a professional if it's possible, but I don't if I can right now. Thanks for your help

 

[danstelter]

Go do it and see a professional of some kind. You are obviously a social anxiety sufferer, although you might not be that extreme of one yet. Talk to your mom about how you think some things are not right and you would like to see a professional to explore more about this topic of "social anxiety." Tell her you are not happy and think you would be happier if you were able to talk about this issue a little more. This should convince most parents. Let us know how it goes!

 

[WalkingWithStrangers]

Go do it and see a professional of some kind. You are obviously a social anxiety sufferer, although you might not be that extreme of one yet. Talk to your mom about how you think some things are not right and you would like to see a professional to explore more about this topic of "social anxiety." Tell her you are not happy and think you would be happier if you were able to talk about this issue a little more. This should convince most parents. Let us know how it goes!

Yeah, I don't know. The last time I mentioned it she asked me what could be done for it, but then she just told me that I was shy and needed to go out and do more things with other people. :/

It's kind of frustrating and lonely, but like you said, I'm not that extreme. If it gets worse, I'll probably ask the school guidance counselor for help.

 

[HidingOnThe4thFloor]

Since middle school, I've noticed that I have less and less friends every year. I don't like it, but it's like I've forgotten how to make friends and even how to act around other people. I'm very socially inept, and if I say or do something that seems weird to me I think about it days, weeks, months, even years after it happened. I start eleventh grade next month, and I'm kind of scared to go back. I don't really have anyone I can "hang out" with (I spent the majority of the summer alone) so in classes and at lunch I'm usually the odd one out.

Wow. I am amazed to read this. I could have written it myself.

When I finally got to twelfth grade, I spent every lunchtime alone and was acutely aware of it. At the time, I put it down to "I can't wait to get of high school" ennui. But in retrospect, it was more than that.

Nonetheless, eleventh grade was a pretty fun time for me. I made a friend who had a car (yea! get away from home!) and one of my fondest memories is coming home from a party feeling very happy and playing the perfect music on my stereo, while cool nighttime breezes meandered through my bedroom.

 

[WalkingWithStrangers]

"I can't wait to get out of high school." This is what I keep thinking. I have this idea in my head that I know is a complete fantasy, but I keep imagining that college will be so much better and I'll have friends I connect with. Which is what I really want right now--Friends. I'm lonely a LOT. And it bugs me. But like I said, it seems as though I've completely forgotten how to interact with other people and make friends. Even with the few friends I do have, I fear calling them to go out an do something because I'm afraid they'll think that I need to be entertained by them all the time.

Ugh, sorry, that was just a rant.

 

[dead24]

I don't know if I have social phobia or not. I tried talking to my mom about it, but she just told me that I'm "just shy and I need to go out and do more things."

Since middle school, I've noticed that I have less and less friends every year. I don't like it, but it's like I've forgotten how to make friends and even how to act around other people. I'm very socially inept, and if I say or do something that seems weird to me I think about it days, weeks, months, even years after it happened. I start eleventh grade next month, and I'm kind of scared to go back. I don't really have anyone I can "hang out" with (I spent the majority of the summer alone) so in classes and at lunch I'm usually the odd one out. Do I really have social phobia, or am I just shy? Is there anything I can do to make more friends, or at least get rid of the awkwardness and fear of interacting with people?

We are so the SAME. I've been a shy boy all my life and im college right now.Before, i used to make friends at least 1 or 2 but now I just can't and before i also didn't think about what was i saying or if it sounded so stupid or if i was boring , i just didn't care about it much but now i just avoid people trying to make friends with me because i just feel like i have nothing to say.
It also hurts that some students even teachers avoid me because they feel so awkward around me.I eat alone during breaks(its okay for me to eat alone i just don't want people thinking that im such a loser or a loner.)I'm also worried about my future how am i going to deal with my boss or with my coworkers. oh well.. were all gonna just die in the end

 

[WalkingWithStrangers]

I know! I think, if I have SA, it must've started somewhere around the beginning of eighth grade, maybe even the end of seventh grade, because that's when I really started to think back on all the stupid little things I've said and done and I just started OBSESSING over them. When I started high school and realized that the group I always had hung out with had splintered, I couldn't bring myself to meet other people, and it's developed into what I have now. I just...alienate people.

 

[WalkingWithStrangers]

So, my mom finally listened.

She was asking me if I even cared that I don't have many friends and don't go out much, which of course made me start crying :/

I tried as best I could to explain how social anxiety feels, and then she decided to let me see a therapist. I'm glad--I know it won't be one visit and then I'll be able to talk to everyone I meet, but if it means that I have a chance at not being so self-conscious in social situations, it's worth a try, right?