Hermit
New member
Hello, I'm new here, I'm 19 and female.
Let me just give you some background information;
At 16 i was diagnosed with clinical depression
I have social phobia, anxiety and panic attacks.
I have OCD compulsions, such as, buying animals, for example I have eleven pet mice as i feel like i have to save them from being eaten by snakes or hurt by small children. I go to the pet shop after work and i cry in my car because i cant get all the animals. I currently have 10 fish, 1 snail, 2 hermit crabs. plus my eleven mice. and all because i have to save them. i get them home and hide them from my parents who have told me that i cannot have any more pets as my room is full of tanks and cages. But i cant help it. I just feel like i have to save everything and they will love me so it will all be ok.
I started anti-antidepressant's at the start of this year, and was happy for the first time in my life. I recently switched tablets to a cheaper brand as they didn't have any of the more expensive brand. That was 5 days ago.
Since then i have gone dramatically down hill, i have found myself crying for no reason, having black thoughts, and staring into space. All the things i had before i was on medication seem to be coming back and i feel like im falling down a hole again. I get home and climb into my cupboard and cry. Today I should be doing things as it is my only day off yet all i can manage so far is getting out of bed and turning the laptop on.
Yesterday at a meeting at work i started crying and left. Everyone was looking at me, all the people i work with. I hate being looked at thats the worst thing in the world to me. If someone looks at me that i dont know and trust i cry. I know its stupid but i cant help it. Last night i messaged my boss telling her i need the day off. Today I'm going to the doctors yet again.
No one understands me, I mean my family and partner are great and always there for me, but no one truley understands. my parents yell at me for coming home with animals yet they don't understand. Mum has said she wants to go around to all the pet shops in the area and give them a picture of me telling them they are not allowed to serve me.
I feel so lost.
Let me just give you some background information;
At 16 i was diagnosed with clinical depression
I have social phobia, anxiety and panic attacks.
I have OCD compulsions, such as, buying animals, for example I have eleven pet mice as i feel like i have to save them from being eaten by snakes or hurt by small children. I go to the pet shop after work and i cry in my car because i cant get all the animals. I currently have 10 fish, 1 snail, 2 hermit crabs. plus my eleven mice. and all because i have to save them. i get them home and hide them from my parents who have told me that i cannot have any more pets as my room is full of tanks and cages. But i cant help it. I just feel like i have to save everything and they will love me so it will all be ok.
I started anti-antidepressant's at the start of this year, and was happy for the first time in my life. I recently switched tablets to a cheaper brand as they didn't have any of the more expensive brand. That was 5 days ago.
Since then i have gone dramatically down hill, i have found myself crying for no reason, having black thoughts, and staring into space. All the things i had before i was on medication seem to be coming back and i feel like im falling down a hole again. I get home and climb into my cupboard and cry. Today I should be doing things as it is my only day off yet all i can manage so far is getting out of bed and turning the laptop on.
Yesterday at a meeting at work i started crying and left. Everyone was looking at me, all the people i work with. I hate being looked at thats the worst thing in the world to me. If someone looks at me that i dont know and trust i cry. I know its stupid but i cant help it. Last night i messaged my boss telling her i need the day off. Today I'm going to the doctors yet again.
No one understands me, I mean my family and partner are great and always there for me, but no one truley understands. my parents yell at me for coming home with animals yet they don't understand. Mum has said she wants to go around to all the pet shops in the area and give them a picture of me telling them they are not allowed to serve me.
I feel so lost.
