Help me challenge those ANTS!

[bricethomas]

I have many ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). I began to identify some of them, but the biggest challenge I've had is developing neutral and rational thoughts to challenge them.

Here are TWO of my most anxiety producing ANTS..

1. I avoid joining social groups. I feel like an outcast, because I don't belong in the culture and don't speak the language well. Furthermore, I'm afraid they'll finally see my flaws, and judge me negatively. They have judged me negatively in the past, and I have many past experiences to support this ANT.

2. I avoid phone conversations with strangers, co-workers, and extroverts who want to "brainstorm" or "fix problems" over the phone.

I've had horrible experiences in the past, including one person who insisted on having a telephone conference to attack and criticize me in public. I couldn't sleep or eat the whole day.

What are some rational coping thoughts that you can give to challenge these ANTs?

 

[sabbath92003]

I have many ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). I began to identify some of them, but the biggest challenge I've had is developing neutral and rational thoughts to challenge them.

Here are TWO of my most anxiety producing ANTS..

1. I avoid joining social groups. I feel like an outcast, because I don't belong in the culture and don't speak the language well. Furthermore, I'm afraid they'll finally see my flaws, and judge me negatively. They have judged me negatively in the past, and I have many past experiences to support this ANT.

2. I avoid phone conversations with strangers, co-workers, and extroverts who want to "brainstorm" or "fix problems" over the phone.

I've had horrible experiences in the past, including one person who insisted on having a telephone conference to attack and criticize me in public. I couldn't sleep or eat the whole day.

What are some rational coping thoughts that you can give to challenge these ANTs?

Sounds like Dr. Richards CBT, which I tried but it made me worse. Instead why don't you try ACT, at least you won't be spending all day debating yourself.

www.thehappinesstrap.com

 

[bricethomas]

Hi Sabbath,

Thanks for your advice. What do you mean by "act"? What should I do exactly? I have tried exposing myself to anxiety producing situations (joining toastmasters, meeting people, etc.) but it only made my anxiety much worse, and I eventually gave up entirely.

I am using CBT (Cognitive behavior therapy) and it has helped me calm myself down a bit more.

I'm really interested in hearing your experience on how exactly did CBT make you feel worse?

 

[sabbath92003]

Hi Sabbath,

Thanks for your advice. What do you mean by "act"? What should I do exactly? I have tried exposing myself to anxiety producing situations (joining toastmasters, meeting people, etc.) but it only made my anxiety much worse, and I eventually gave up entirely.

I am using CBT (Cognitive behavior therapy) and it has helped me calm myself down a bit more.

I'm really interested in hearing your experience on how exactly did CBT make you feel worse?

ACT is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it's kinda like CBT, only better. CBT helped me realize that many of my thoughts are irrational. However CBT wanted me to change those thoughts. I tried and I tried but I couldn't change those thoughts. On one of his tapes Dr. Richards advises that it's okay to avoid things in the beginning. Well I avoided and kept trying to change my thoughts. I ended up worse than I was before paying $400 for Dr. Richards CBT.

ACT doesn't want me to change my thoughts. In ACT, avoidance is the enemy not irrational thoughts or anxiety. With ACT I just notice all those old stories that say I am doomed. I don't try to change them, just notice them, and let them be. Instead I focus on actions based on my values. Values don't change like thoughts and feelings, we can use them to guide and motivate us.

 

[GloomySunday]

There are billions of people on this planet. If every single individual I encountered thought I was a worthless piece of garbage, I would have to concede that they may be right. After all, who can argue with numbers like that!

It seems to me that you are taking the hurtful comments of a relatively small number of people (in comparison to all the people on the planet) and using this as the sole basis by which you think negatively about yourself.

For every person that thinks poorly of you, there are many others who would think otherwise. You just may not have met them yet. Unfortunately, because you seem to have been so badly affected by a relatively small group of people, you can no longer see nor think rationally and have difficulty seeing the bigger picture.

This may sound like a cliche, but life can be a bit like a movie. You're the Director of it. Sure the cast can suck but it's your movie. Do something about it. Make some radical changes.

If people can make such an impact upon your world then you can make an equal (or even greater) impact upon theirs. It takes time and effort, but do seek help and try to turn this way of thinking around.

You deserve better and you can do it if you really put your mind to it.