GreenFloyd
Member
I'm sure you guys get a lot of new people that come in and are gone after one post about otheir life story or whatever... they dont want to face up to the fact. So excuse me if this is all you hear from me, but I really hope it isn't. I really do want to stay and try to get advice. I want to hear about your lives, your situations, and relate. If there's anything I can relate with somebody else, it's about social anxiety.
For me, the social problem is one that attacks my thoughts every single day of my life, and has for as long as I remember. I have no idea how it started or what it came from, because I generally have supportive parents and neither of them are shy, plus my sister is extremely outgoing.
Anyways, so, my name is Danny. Fact is, I found this site many months ago when I was feeling blue and added it to my favorites. Haven't come back or posted on it until now. I just dont like dwadling around in my own suffering and pain. I'd rather be writing a music review or on a music forum than reading about how I'm shy and what I can do about it. But honestly, I NEED to do something about it. That's why I am here. Plus, I guess I'm feeling a little bit blue and want to release.
I went through the same phases and thoughts I think many of you probably do: "I'm the only one.. why am I the ONLY ****ing one with this crippling disease? What made me this way??" I've never had more than a half-dozen friends (and even that is stretching it). I didn't talk to anybody in middle school except for about three friends, and I got mostly A's. High school was painful but I made a couple friends here and there.
In 11th grade a girl befriended me because she saw that I was smart and was interested in how I was socially inverted. Soon I became obsessed with her and we hung out almost every day. Thing is, she had a boyfriend, and I was frustrated the entire time. It was the only time in my life I had been sort of close with a girl, at least, I thought I was close with her. Nothing ever happened obviously because she was taken, but she drove my mind nuts and reflecting back I see myself as her little play tool. She was controlling and wanted somebody to control; I was an easy target. Eventually she cut from me and never spoke with me again. I cried, and cried, and drove myself nuts, and cried some more.
I'm now in second year of college. Still doing well in school (3.85 gpa), but have never had a girlfriend. Never had a kiss. Never felt a woman... and I can't even begin to express how painful that is to me. I see constant reminders around me every day.
I don't know how to get help. I don't know WHAT I need to do to change. I tried paxil for a few years. I hated the fact that I was on a pill to try and cure a mental state. Quitting that was something I really pride myself in doing.
I work at Pizza Hut. And the strangest thing about it? I'm a manager there. People at work dont see me as shy, or having social anxiety. I opened up a little bit with an employee there and she was like "what!? You aren't shy... I'm shy, you aren't". I laughed. I have two lives: at work I'm open and can talk to everybody, boss them around, be compassionate, deal with customers... it's all fine and easy. My other life is at school... where I feel this curse comes over me and I can't do anything or initiate any conversation. Have not talked to a single person in any one of my classes this semester. Come to think of it, I don't think I talked to anybody last semester either. Last year? Maybe only one or two people. Hmmmph.
Okay, well, I'm really not as bad as it might sound. I mean, hell, I AM a manager at a store. I do have a few friends. I don't tense up in public or around other people in any given place... erm, well, not most of the time. I do tense if they try and make conversation with me. Then I get lost for words and look like an ignoramus even though I am not. In class I am fine in my own world, but somebody talks to me... then it's like "oh umm, geez". Today at the video store everything was fine and then the guy said "so what is that movie about" and I was like "umm.... don't know" even though I did. What's that about?
SO, enough of that.... Any success stories out there? Any tips? Shit. This was too easy to write, but really quite sad to think of it. I have a few friends, have a good-paying job, getting good grades, but yet I'm still so tormented. I'm 19 by the way, and I don't know what I'd do if I was still without friends or a girlfriend a few years from now.... I really don't know what I'd do.
For me, the social problem is one that attacks my thoughts every single day of my life, and has for as long as I remember. I have no idea how it started or what it came from, because I generally have supportive parents and neither of them are shy, plus my sister is extremely outgoing.
Anyways, so, my name is Danny. Fact is, I found this site many months ago when I was feeling blue and added it to my favorites. Haven't come back or posted on it until now. I just dont like dwadling around in my own suffering and pain. I'd rather be writing a music review or on a music forum than reading about how I'm shy and what I can do about it. But honestly, I NEED to do something about it. That's why I am here. Plus, I guess I'm feeling a little bit blue and want to release.
I went through the same phases and thoughts I think many of you probably do: "I'm the only one.. why am I the ONLY ****ing one with this crippling disease? What made me this way??" I've never had more than a half-dozen friends (and even that is stretching it). I didn't talk to anybody in middle school except for about three friends, and I got mostly A's. High school was painful but I made a couple friends here and there.
In 11th grade a girl befriended me because she saw that I was smart and was interested in how I was socially inverted. Soon I became obsessed with her and we hung out almost every day. Thing is, she had a boyfriend, and I was frustrated the entire time. It was the only time in my life I had been sort of close with a girl, at least, I thought I was close with her. Nothing ever happened obviously because she was taken, but she drove my mind nuts and reflecting back I see myself as her little play tool. She was controlling and wanted somebody to control; I was an easy target. Eventually she cut from me and never spoke with me again. I cried, and cried, and drove myself nuts, and cried some more.
I'm now in second year of college. Still doing well in school (3.85 gpa), but have never had a girlfriend. Never had a kiss. Never felt a woman... and I can't even begin to express how painful that is to me. I see constant reminders around me every day.
I don't know how to get help. I don't know WHAT I need to do to change. I tried paxil for a few years. I hated the fact that I was on a pill to try and cure a mental state. Quitting that was something I really pride myself in doing.
I work at Pizza Hut. And the strangest thing about it? I'm a manager there. People at work dont see me as shy, or having social anxiety. I opened up a little bit with an employee there and she was like "what!? You aren't shy... I'm shy, you aren't". I laughed. I have two lives: at work I'm open and can talk to everybody, boss them around, be compassionate, deal with customers... it's all fine and easy. My other life is at school... where I feel this curse comes over me and I can't do anything or initiate any conversation. Have not talked to a single person in any one of my classes this semester. Come to think of it, I don't think I talked to anybody last semester either. Last year? Maybe only one or two people. Hmmmph.
Okay, well, I'm really not as bad as it might sound. I mean, hell, I AM a manager at a store. I do have a few friends. I don't tense up in public or around other people in any given place... erm, well, not most of the time. I do tense if they try and make conversation with me. Then I get lost for words and look like an ignoramus even though I am not. In class I am fine in my own world, but somebody talks to me... then it's like "oh umm, geez". Today at the video store everything was fine and then the guy said "so what is that movie about" and I was like "umm.... don't know" even though I did. What's that about?
SO, enough of that.... Any success stories out there? Any tips? Shit. This was too easy to write, but really quite sad to think of it. I have a few friends, have a good-paying job, getting good grades, but yet I'm still so tormented. I'm 19 by the way, and I don't know what I'd do if I was still without friends or a girlfriend a few years from now.... I really don't know what I'd do.
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