shygurluk
Banned
Hi, i'm Lea. I'm 19 years old and i'd suffered with SA since i was 12. I know how it started, i was born very shy but still like everyone else managed to float about through life and was generally happy. Then out the blue i started getting pimples and throughout my first year of secondary school they got worse and worst until i started getting cysts on my face. Some the size of a 50p coin. Naturally people noticed and i started getting bullied. I remember being thrown into walls and called the "exorcist" by this group of 3rd years frequently among other names. I was only 12.
But i handled it well. I battled on as it was mostly just name calling and stayed positive with the knowledge that within 2 years these nasty people will have left and i'd be safe. But still i skipped school frequently.
And after getting my school report with 60% attendance i decided enough was enough, my schooling was important and I vowed never ever to miss a day again. It lasted a week.
You see, the older kids had this thing of setting off the fire alarms deliberatly to skip classes. Which was great for everybody else but not so good for me.
When your extremely shy and embarrassed of your looks and are frequently getting bullied because of it. As much as you hate lessons too, you tend to feel more secure in the classroom than out. Even though you can still get called, only 30 people can see you as a opposed to the whole school.
I hated breaks and dinners. It was hell. I'd do my best to stay out of the vision of other people. A nightmare made worse at the start of term when the fire bell went off again and the whole school spent half an hour in the recreation ground.
As my surname started with a "T" i was always at the back of lines far away from teachers and therefore an easy target. These kids came up to me, literally tapping and prodding me to get my attention - then pulling me if i didn't acknowledge. All to get me to look at them so they could scream and run away. With the rest of the school lined up all looking, pointing and laughing.
It was the most humilating day of my life. An naturally no shy girl like myself would ever try and defend themself. I just stood there, looking any direction i could to avoid them hoping that my ignorance would make them go away, i wanted to cry. I could feel myself sinking, it changed me forever. I had nothing left. Out of a whole school year i think i managed 15 days that year and then never ever again did i go back. At 14 i left school. All through fear.
I've never had a job. I've tried to goto college but failed. Lasting only a week then pulling out. Not through bullying, but purely simply through fear and anxiety and the "what ifs" in my head. I don't like feeling like a pontential target.
Even when i left school people on the street - kids i grew up around would bully me too. So i shut down and locked myself away to the point where now, everytime i try and make something of myself i'm sort of like a tortoise who will shoot back in their shell at the first sign of danger. I'm scared to come out.
I have no friends. I never have since 15. I'm lonely and severely despressed.
This may well be quite an extreme introduction - but extreme sums up my life. I hope i find people to relate to hear. Sometimes you have to lay all your cards down at once in order to get anywhere. This is my cry for help and understanding and nice people to talk too. I don't want to live in a bubble anymore.
But i handled it well. I battled on as it was mostly just name calling and stayed positive with the knowledge that within 2 years these nasty people will have left and i'd be safe. But still i skipped school frequently.
And after getting my school report with 60% attendance i decided enough was enough, my schooling was important and I vowed never ever to miss a day again. It lasted a week.
You see, the older kids had this thing of setting off the fire alarms deliberatly to skip classes. Which was great for everybody else but not so good for me.
When your extremely shy and embarrassed of your looks and are frequently getting bullied because of it. As much as you hate lessons too, you tend to feel more secure in the classroom than out. Even though you can still get called, only 30 people can see you as a opposed to the whole school.
I hated breaks and dinners. It was hell. I'd do my best to stay out of the vision of other people. A nightmare made worse at the start of term when the fire bell went off again and the whole school spent half an hour in the recreation ground.
As my surname started with a "T" i was always at the back of lines far away from teachers and therefore an easy target. These kids came up to me, literally tapping and prodding me to get my attention - then pulling me if i didn't acknowledge. All to get me to look at them so they could scream and run away. With the rest of the school lined up all looking, pointing and laughing.
It was the most humilating day of my life. An naturally no shy girl like myself would ever try and defend themself. I just stood there, looking any direction i could to avoid them hoping that my ignorance would make them go away, i wanted to cry. I could feel myself sinking, it changed me forever. I had nothing left. Out of a whole school year i think i managed 15 days that year and then never ever again did i go back. At 14 i left school. All through fear.
I've never had a job. I've tried to goto college but failed. Lasting only a week then pulling out. Not through bullying, but purely simply through fear and anxiety and the "what ifs" in my head. I don't like feeling like a pontential target.
Even when i left school people on the street - kids i grew up around would bully me too. So i shut down and locked myself away to the point where now, everytime i try and make something of myself i'm sort of like a tortoise who will shoot back in their shell at the first sign of danger. I'm scared to come out.
I have no friends. I never have since 15. I'm lonely and severely despressed.
This may well be quite an extreme introduction - but extreme sums up my life. I hope i find people to relate to hear. Sometimes you have to lay all your cards down at once in order to get anywhere. This is my cry for help and understanding and nice people to talk too. I don't want to live in a bubble anymore.