Hello Everyone

[gooby]

Hello everyone,

I am quite new here as I only very recently discovered this web site.
Can someone tell me if SP is a form of mental illness or not. I have suffered since I was 12, I am 37 now, and I always thought that I was just a freak. I didn't even know it was called social phobia until a few weeks ago. Its a pity there wasn't an internet 25 years ago.

However, I have always had a propensity for depression which I have always assumed was because of my phobia but now I don't know whether I suffer depression because of the way I am or if I am susceptible to SP because I am really a depressive. The reason I ask is that just recently I have been feeling so nostalgic for my childhood and I have been feeling so ashamed of things in my past. Not big things, but just stupid little things like for example the time my brother and I were arguing and I punched him on the arm really hard. Also when I first started suffering from SP I didn't handle it very well and I let down and hurt someone very close to me who deserved so much better. God, I feel so ashamed I just wish I could turn the clock back and do things differently. I wonder if I am feeling nostalgic for my childhood because before I was 12 I guess I was quite happy and I had everything to look forward to but I have begun to realise that I have failed to realise my potential. Are these things typical?

Also I have been very weepy recently, I'm near to tears at the moment . I guess I'm just lonely. These feelings usually pass, sometimes after a week, sometimes after a month but this time I seem to have been like this for about 3 or 4 months.
I'm not usually very good at "opening up" so forgive me if this sounds self-indulgent or stupid. I just hoped that someone might recognise how I feel.

Sorry
Gooby x

 

[Johno]

Social phobia

Hi gooby,

Yes it is a mental illness, however I personally like to describe it as an anxiety disorder. It just sounds less severe and probably more acceptable by most. It is recognised as a mental illness and has been since about 1980. I actually personally know 4 people that receive the disability pension because their social phobia makes it impossible for them to work. I am 33 and like you have had social phobia since about 13. I actually remember becoming more fearful and introverted at this time in my life. Up until this age I was relatively outgoing and happy. I actually remember my perception of the world changing. Of cause at that age I had no idea of what was wrong and would never discuss it with anyone. Through shear necessity I finally sought help when I was 29. Since then my life has improved significantly. I attended a workshop, support group and met others who had similar issues.
Good luck

 

[Orlando]

Hi, goodby and Johno!

Goodby, take it easy on yourself. We all make mistakes. Some learn from them and some don't. It sounds like you don't want to repeat whatever you did before.
I only say this because I do it to myself all the time. I expect more from myself than other people. For example, say if your brother was feeling down and said, "Hey, you know long long long time ago, when I hit you in the shoulder with my fist? I feel bad about it?" Would you forgive him? I would. I would have said," Hey, it's nothing. It was when we were children. It doesn't matter anymore." However, if I was the one that did it. I would hold myself accountable and be mean a cruel to myself (thinking that I'm a bad person) for doing such a bad thing. It is such a contradiction. I don't know if this applies to you.....but that is what your post brought up in me.

If it does, then I hope you can forgive yourself. We have all done bad things in our past but we can't do anything about them. What is important is what we do now to make the world a better place. Feel better! 8O

 

[Anonymous]

Hi again,

Thanks for replying Johno. There is so much on this website which people write and which applies to me. I have only ever talked to one person about my social phobia problems. That was my doctor when I was away at college but I found it incredibly difficult and it didn't really help me - I ended up very depressed and had a kind of breakdown. I really feel inferior if I start discussing it with other people - after so long I have sort of come to terms with the fact that there are lots of things which are shut off from me but sometimes it still gets me down. Not being able to open up is a real problem but it never seems to make me feel better on the odd occasions I have bared my soul.

Thanks also to you Orlando. I know what you're saying about everyone making mistakes, but exactly the same as you, while I can forgive other people, I always give myself a real hard time about mistakes I have/do make. I only used the case of my brother as an example of just how I seem to worry about almost trivial things, There are loads of other things I give myself a hard time over. I think it may be a consequence of very low self-esteem, what do you think? I don't know if the problems I've had with social phobia have been because I've always had low self-esteem or if they have been the cause of a downward spiral in the regard I have for myself. I think its most likely the latter case.

Sometimes I just wish I could turn the clock back and be able to do so many things differently. I know this is a ridiculous thought as what's done is done but I know I have made some terrible mistakes and I would give anything to be able to go back and change them. It scares me sometimes to be so wrapped up in things when I know life moves on.

Anyway, I better go for now as you'll all be getting bored with my ramblings but thanks for replying to my posting. Like I said before, I wish there'd been an internet when I was growing up, I might have understood what was happening to me at the time. Its good to hear from people who know the same feelings as myself.

Bye for now
Gooby.

 

[gooby]

Oops! I forgot to sign in BEFORE I posted my reply....
Sorry.

Gooby

 

[Johno]

Social phobia

Hi Gooby and others

I kinda wish there was an Internet when I was growing up to. I am 33 and only found out about my problem 4 years ago. I read an article in the local paper written by a psychiatrist discussing social phobia. Immediately I thought to myself "Oh my god that's me!!!!" The psychiatrist was looking for participant's to be involved with research on social phobia. So after staring at the phone for 3 hours contemplating wether I should call. I finally did.. You said you were 37.. You are still relatively young. I guess it all depends on what you want to achieve in life..
Do you think you will try and get some more help??
regards

 

[gooby]

Hello Johno,

Is 37 still pretty young?!!! I don't know, sometimes I think its a bit old to be hoping for a fresh start.

Like I said earlier, I'm not very good at opening up. I've also got this idea that I should be big enough and strong enough to sort out my own problems without having to run to someone else. I wonder if thats why I feel strange on the odd occasions I have tried to open up about my problems. 'Strange' as in inferior or dirty somehow, I don't know if you can understand what I mean, its just that it has never made me feel better in the past - guess I'm a bit weird because talking about problems is meant to be therapeutic isn't it.

I've had so many years to come to terms with the way I am that I sometimes wonder if I'd ever want to be cured. You know, its like that story of the little song bird that's caught and put in a cage and sings everyday wanting to be set free, but then one day when its cage door is accidentally left open the little bird just stays where it is and doesn't fly away.

I think I'm a bit mixed up, don't you? Its just that I get lonely sometimes but it does tend to pass eventually. So to answer your question, I'm not sure I'll get any professional help but things like this website, where you can see other people with similar problems is quite a solace.

Strewth, I do go on a bit sometimes... better go for now!

Gooby

 

[Anonymous]

you are not alone

Hi my name is Alain and I have just browsed the internet and found this site. I wanted to tell you that you are not alone feeling that way and unfortunetly there are not that many people that know that this type of situation is more common than not. I tell you this because my speciality used to be handling people with phobias and anxieties of all type. My reputation was built on helping people loose there phobias within 15- minutes. I went on to radio in Montreal Canada to answer questions on how people create these phobias and how most of the time you have to work with how you structure the way you perceive things instead of trying to find out the root cause in childhood blablabla. If you want I can help you email me at [email protected]. Another thing you can do if you choose not to email me is read and learn about Neuro Linguistic programming.

Hope that helps

Happy Easter
Alain

 

[neddy]

Hello, I am 36 and have had social phobia for many years but it wasnt until recently that I realised what it was. I have only had my computer for a couple of months but wish I had found this site years ago.

Yes it is a mental illness and the depression is linked but in my case my sp is caused through low self esteem. My problems started from as young as 5 but didn't get out of control until I was around 12 or 13 and that is along time. I have also made mistakes in my past which I am ashamed off and have often relived them, like wishing i could go back and change them but you can't change the past. All you have to do is learn from your mistakes. I have said so many things to hurt people and even to this day still feel bad about it and wish I could change it but I can't. The only thing I can change is myself, attitude plus working on my self esteem and trying to overcome my sp. Now that I know what my problem is I can try andovercome it.

I find this site very helpful I get depressed alot as well but when I do I usually find that it is because I am being negative and thinking about things the wrong way, each time I notice the bad or negative thoughts I try to turn it around into something positive. This takes practice but gets easier with time, I find music also helps to lift depression as well as exercising. When I am really down I go for a walk and usually when I get back I feel abit better.