Haunting thoughts...

[renegade]

This is the only place I can find understanding and support and now I really need it. I think some of you may have the same problem here.

So here it goes: I just tried to fall asleep and am struggling to do that for more than an hour. Ussusally I take a jog or do some exercise to feel exhausted in order to fall asleep quickly. But today I felt k tired and just couldn't do that.

And this haunting thoughts kept coming and coming and haunting me, I tried to ignore them and think of something nice, beautiful moments in life, I turned on the radio to hear some music and keep me distracted but they kept haunting me and my heart started beating so fast I couldn't stop it.

I went to the bathroom, washed my face with cold water and tried to calm down. That didn't work and those nightmares kept haunting me and my heart is beating fast like i ran 10 miles. Needles to say I feel as low as possible and still trying to keep faith that life would turn out ok in the end.

Don't know what to do, I'm now on Zoloft and Xanax for 3 days, I've put all my hopes into them.

Oh, and another thing, yesterday I started feeling breathless again, i seem to not have enough air, doing breathing exercices helps a little, but i still feel this weird sensation that i'm chocking, it's like when you stand vertically in water and all the air tends to rise to the upper side of your lungs and exerting pressure.

If anyone relates and can give an advice or at least share their experience i would appreciate it. thx, my heart is still beating like 3 times a second, can't stop it, now taking deep long breaths...

 

[redlady]

I get like that from time to time and i do the exercise thing to 'deal' with my emotions - more like sweat them out of me. There has been times when that just hasn't worked - it's sort of like when you drink a lot and you don't vomit it all out, it just sits in you making you feel like shit ( i know that's gross but you know what i mean ) Do you have the urge to cry ? I do when worse comes to worse - it works as a bit of a relief from all the shit. I'm sorry man i don't know what else to say. I'm sorry you feel like this i know the pain of it.

 

[bluenow]

I used to have those thoughts at night that just went round and round, over and over. They may start small but build into a huge story. But a few weeks after I started taking Zoloft they went away and haven't been back. I have been on anti-depresants for about 6 years and plan on staying on them forever.
It seems like the Xanax should help your your choking feeling if it is due to anxiety.
I used to do a thing I learned that sometimes helped me go to sleep. Picture in your mind a candle in a dark room. Focus on only the flame of the candle.
When a thought comes into your mind it makes the flame flicker, like a breeze would do, and you don't want that. The flame should be burning high, straight up with no flickering. You can override your thoughts if you concentrate on keeping that flame still every time a thought enters your mind and causes the candle to flicker.
Not much, but it has helped me in the past. Good luck to you and hope you have success with the meds.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

usually i get the haunting thoughts in the morning... i wake up and i'm bombarded. i can totally relate to what you're saying. it's the anxiety coming in and rading our brains.

it's deffinately something i have to deal with everyday. every hour. i have to tell myself to relax, and to try not to let them get out of control. i've been told by my counselor to just say "stop" and think about something else.

staying busy always help. change your environment. get somewhere else. anything.

your'e not alone, feel better. take care

 

[Chilling__Echo]

yeah exactly. i mean, i think what you're describing is alot to do with depression and the haunting thoughts is more to do with anxiety. i think it's pretty much the same, i've experienced both. with the anxiety, it's like i wake up and immediately start thinking really irrational "what ifs". like i think "do i have enough friends?" "who am i seeing today?" "what if they get tired of me and i'll be alone?" "do i like where i'm at now in my life" just things like that. do you ever have those thoughts come to you that you know aren't rational to worry about but do it anyway?

but i deffinately know what you're talking about. mornings are always the worst for me with depression. it's exactly how you describe. you wake up and it's "oh shit, do i really have to do this again? another day like this??"

at least that's how i see things. even throughout the day i look at other people and wonder how many people they *hang out* with. and how often. just because. but that's just me, i have a really irrational fear of abandonment and often i've wondering if i have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well... who knows... all i konw is anxiety and depression are a bitch

 

[renegade]

Hi, redlady, i feel the urge to cry a lot of times, but I think of it as childish cause I'm a 20 years old boy, not a kid any more, but a few days ago I couldn't help it and cried all night, and it was a relief from all the shit and I think I'll try to let it out cause I felt a lot better after it, I don't care anymore if it's silly. Although I would feel embarassed and weak if it becomes a habit and I don't want to see myself crying in public or when I'm around someone, did it happened to you to not be able to control it and start crying in public ?

bluenow, i know the are insignisficant little irattional worries, and accumulating them all toghether turns into a tragedy like feeling, as you said. I hope Zoloft helps me too. I'll have to wait for 2 weeks to feel the difference. That chocking is from the depressing state i try to fight and i sometimes win, sometimes lose and that is when I feel breathless. Thx for the advice with the flame, sounds very helpfull, i'll try it.

Chilling_Echo, I get the haunting thoughts everytime when i'm not focused on something specific: while trying to fall asleep, waiting in the bus stop. When I'm just sitting in class and the lesson being thought it's boring, I'll try to focus at what the teacher is saying just to keep the worries away. And the worst time of the day is the road to school and back: 2 hours with the bus in witch I have nothing to do but to endure anxiety and worst, ruminate, I know it isn't indicated at all, but all my mind can think is about is about my miserable life. Although the walkman is helping me by distracting my attention a little bit, I still need something to do, to keep myself occupied, any ideas ? :?

And about friends, I beggining to get insane about having none for over an year now, I've left my few friends in the town I moved from, they are far away now and I still try to keep in touch online, but I think I will lose them too. You should treasure your friends cause you don't know how much they mean. I never realised that they are so so important and valuable and trully the reason to live untill I left them behind. I don't wish you to be in my shoes.

harvey, waking up every morning i tell myself this shit will be a thing of the past in the future, I will succed, I got to fight this, not let it get the best of me, I got to keep trying, although deep inside I belive that only a miracle would change my life and how could I change things if I tried to make a difference and haven't succeded for 20 years....

But the war is not over yet, you fu*king SP and depression, it's an equal score till now and I'm bringing reinforcements :twisted: [/b]

 

[redlady]

Hi renegade - i NEVER cry in front of people and would never in public. I think of it as a weakness and to cry in front of others is to expose to them a weakness of mine - just giving them ammunition against me and i can't do it. I only ever cry like that when i am alone and i am sure noone can hear me. So no, it hasn't gotten to a point that i can't control myself and i just cry all over the place. But like you said it is good to do it so you release some of the crap inside of you.

 

[renegade]

Well, i gotten to that point and when it feels like i'm going to cry I just pretend I have something in my eyes to wipe away the tears. Sometimes I get that and some other times I just need to hit something so bad and it's so hard to control myself that i keep a rubber ring in my pocket and crush it in my hand when that happens.

Btw, I noticed you changed your avatar. It seems you adopted that ''fu*k it all'' attitude with that gun pointed at us :lol: , but I hope you're still the caring person I knew. :wink:

 

[redlady]

Quite frankly i need to have more of that "fuck it all" attitude. I'm dealing with some unpleasant crap at the moment which is making me a bit..... i don't know, just wanted a change and i love Homer and i can be homeresque at times 'DOH!!' I'll change it soon enough back to my Lovely Leo Lady. Don't worry i havn't changed though :wink:

 

[Sable]

OMG I get that too, usually if I have college the next day. I lie awake all night, absoloutely unable to go to sleep. The stupidest most irrational thoughts get distorted into huge problems that have no solution. I get the breathing thing too, like I can't fill my lungs no matter how deep I breathe. I open my window or go outside, but it doesn't work. My mum thinks this is hypoventilation, caused by stress. I have no idea if that's right. These feelings seem to accumulate during the day and all come out at night. Some evenings I just stumble into my room, lock the door and burst into huge sobs of tears. I can stay crumpled on the floor for hours. Sometimes I wish someone would hear me, or see me so that they could help me, but I always keep it hidden.