Hi,
this is my first post in this forum... I was never really all that anxious until fairly recently, i do not have social anxiety in fact, I do best when with other people, however by myself I get out of control obsessing about things. And by things I mean 2 very specific things:
vomiting and cancer.
The vomiting thing I have had as long as I can remember, well I lie, I have had it since I was 14 and had a traumatic tummy bug. However it got better, to a point where it didn't bother me much, but came back full force last November or December. It was pretty out of the blue (no traumatic event this time), suddenly I was petrified that I could vomit or that someone in my vicinity could vomit. It makes me feel sick to even think about it and on trains, the underground, buses, I am constantly fearing someone throwing up. When my flatmate goes to the bathroom I fear she is throwing up (she has never to date thrown up since we moved here, by the way), when I am at my parents I get panicky whenever any of my family members rushes to the bathroom.
The cancer thing is even more recent, I mean, I won't lie, I have had little periods throughout my life when I have kind of obsessed that I had a type of cancer or another (brain tumour was a big one when I was 19, leukaemia before that), but it was generally short lived (a few weeks at most). A few months ago I started working in a cancer hospital and now it is really bad. I stopped working there and work in a different hospital where i do not deal with cancer at all, but I can't unsee what I saw and for the past week I have been obsessed about breast cancer. I feel lumps in my breasts now, one of my armpits feels really funny (that one worries me to no end) and I am just obsessed. I can't stop thinking about it and then keep thinking more and more... horrible things that I am embarrassed to even write down, like how will I cope with the side effects of the drugs, what if I die, what if it is too late and they cannot help me.
I am not an idiot, I know it is unlikely at my age (late 20ies), but I keep thinking, if it is 1 in 2000, I could be the 1 and maybe it is the anxiety making me have symptoms (that has happened before with the vomiting thing), but what if it isn't? I have an appointment to see my GP next week, and I am terrified, if he thinks it is nothing I will still fret, if he thinks it is something I will go mental... and I hate how this seems to dominate my entire head, I can try to think of something else but it keeps coming back and torturing me.
I hate this, this is not me... but I can't help it either. Does anyone else have a cancerphobia (oncophobia) that gives them random crazy symptoms? How do you deal with the anxiety? Any tips or tricks?
I am on a waiting list for some therapy but who knows when I am at the front of that list. I can't currently afford private therapy.
Thanks for listening, just writing it down helps a little... I don't want to tell my friends because I don't want them to see this side of me.
this is my first post in this forum... I was never really all that anxious until fairly recently, i do not have social anxiety in fact, I do best when with other people, however by myself I get out of control obsessing about things. And by things I mean 2 very specific things:
vomiting and cancer.
The vomiting thing I have had as long as I can remember, well I lie, I have had it since I was 14 and had a traumatic tummy bug. However it got better, to a point where it didn't bother me much, but came back full force last November or December. It was pretty out of the blue (no traumatic event this time), suddenly I was petrified that I could vomit or that someone in my vicinity could vomit. It makes me feel sick to even think about it and on trains, the underground, buses, I am constantly fearing someone throwing up. When my flatmate goes to the bathroom I fear she is throwing up (she has never to date thrown up since we moved here, by the way), when I am at my parents I get panicky whenever any of my family members rushes to the bathroom.
The cancer thing is even more recent, I mean, I won't lie, I have had little periods throughout my life when I have kind of obsessed that I had a type of cancer or another (brain tumour was a big one when I was 19, leukaemia before that), but it was generally short lived (a few weeks at most). A few months ago I started working in a cancer hospital and now it is really bad. I stopped working there and work in a different hospital where i do not deal with cancer at all, but I can't unsee what I saw and for the past week I have been obsessed about breast cancer. I feel lumps in my breasts now, one of my armpits feels really funny (that one worries me to no end) and I am just obsessed. I can't stop thinking about it and then keep thinking more and more... horrible things that I am embarrassed to even write down, like how will I cope with the side effects of the drugs, what if I die, what if it is too late and they cannot help me.
I am not an idiot, I know it is unlikely at my age (late 20ies), but I keep thinking, if it is 1 in 2000, I could be the 1 and maybe it is the anxiety making me have symptoms (that has happened before with the vomiting thing), but what if it isn't? I have an appointment to see my GP next week, and I am terrified, if he thinks it is nothing I will still fret, if he thinks it is something I will go mental... and I hate how this seems to dominate my entire head, I can try to think of something else but it keeps coming back and torturing me.
I hate this, this is not me... but I can't help it either. Does anyone else have a cancerphobia (oncophobia) that gives them random crazy symptoms? How do you deal with the anxiety? Any tips or tricks?
I am on a waiting list for some therapy but who knows when I am at the front of that list. I can't currently afford private therapy.
Thanks for listening, just writing it down helps a little... I don't want to tell my friends because I don't want them to see this side of me.
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