I am 30 years old now. It all started when I was around 18-19 years old. I had a close friend, but I used to think she is selfish. Once when I was in a temple, suddently a thought abt my friend's parents dying came in my mind, at the same time either myself or someone sniffed. I was suddenly terribly scared what if those thoughts became true. I tried my best to cancel those thoughts. Its a fact that nothing happened to her parents for quite a few years after that , I guess even till today (But me and my friend are not in touch now!!).
Then after this incidence, I used to think of the same thing many a times. Some strange thoughts include:
- If I do a certain thing, may be they would die. If such a thought comes into my mind, I have to cancel it at the same place where it came into my mind. Then only I could do that "certain thing". If I don't cancel it, it used to give me terrible fear about causing harm to them.
- I also had a strange fear about God. If I am in a temple or in front of a photograph of God or some "Murti" (Hindu term) of God and some wierd thought comes into my mind, I had to cancel it at the same place in front of the same God. Else it gives me terrible anxiety.
Afterwards, I lost touch with my friend. Then for few years I had only minimal impact of OCD on my life. But then it started rotating around thoughts of my loved ones. Some harm coming to them and cancelling those thoughts.
Thinking these things about your loved ones gives you a horrible feeling. Also it gives you horrible anxiety, you just don't want any bad things happening to your loved ones, and you just feel ashamed if you think something like that and wonder how can you even think of these things.
I used to be so afraid of these things that I started avoiding going to temples or attending any religious activity as far as possible. But since my in laws are religious, I started having fights with my husband on this.
Lately, I am trying to ignore the thoughts about my loved ones. I am teaching my mind.
- Whatever I think of is because of OCD, it won't come true because I thought of it.
- If God really exists, He should be aware that I have OCD so will obviously ignore those bad thoughts and any thoughts around them.
I have not expressed this in totality to my husband cause I am not sure whether he will understand it or will he be supportive. So I am expressing this on this forum. The intention is two fold:
- Expressing my mind
- Getting tips from those who have overcome such fear of OCD
Waiting for your reply. T'care all.
Then after this incidence, I used to think of the same thing many a times. Some strange thoughts include:
- If I do a certain thing, may be they would die. If such a thought comes into my mind, I have to cancel it at the same place where it came into my mind. Then only I could do that "certain thing". If I don't cancel it, it used to give me terrible fear about causing harm to them.
- I also had a strange fear about God. If I am in a temple or in front of a photograph of God or some "Murti" (Hindu term) of God and some wierd thought comes into my mind, I had to cancel it at the same place in front of the same God. Else it gives me terrible anxiety.
Afterwards, I lost touch with my friend. Then for few years I had only minimal impact of OCD on my life. But then it started rotating around thoughts of my loved ones. Some harm coming to them and cancelling those thoughts.
Thinking these things about your loved ones gives you a horrible feeling. Also it gives you horrible anxiety, you just don't want any bad things happening to your loved ones, and you just feel ashamed if you think something like that and wonder how can you even think of these things.
I used to be so afraid of these things that I started avoiding going to temples or attending any religious activity as far as possible. But since my in laws are religious, I started having fights with my husband on this.
Lately, I am trying to ignore the thoughts about my loved ones. I am teaching my mind.
- Whatever I think of is because of OCD, it won't come true because I thought of it.
- If God really exists, He should be aware that I have OCD so will obviously ignore those bad thoughts and any thoughts around them.
I have not expressed this in totality to my husband cause I am not sure whether he will understand it or will he be supportive. So I am expressing this on this forum. The intention is two fold:
- Expressing my mind
- Getting tips from those who have overcome such fear of OCD
Waiting for your reply. T'care all.