sabbath92003
Banned
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/ said:The Happiness Trap Newsletter, November 2008
Visit our website at www.thehappinesstrap.com
Table of Contents
1. One Minute Summary
2. Welcome Notes
3. Main Article: The “Feeling Good” Trap
4. Therapists & Coaches Section: The Vitality Scale
5. Guest Spot: Interview With Steve Hayes, Originator of ACT
6. Workshops & E-courses
7. Free Resources
8. Parting Notes
1. One Minute Summary Of The Main Article
Our culture would have us believe that happiness is the natural state for human beings, but a quick look at the world around us reveals this is not the case. Depression, anxiety and stress are epidemic; likewise divorce, unhappy marriages, isolation and loneliness. And even those who lives seem blessed, still have to deal with the pain of loss, illness, injury, frustration, disappointment, aging, conflict, rejection, and death. The inconvenient truth is that our feelings are like the weather – always changing, and often unpredictable. There are cold days and hot days; rainy days and sunny days. You can’t control the weather - but nor does the weather control you! No matter how bad it is, you can choose to go outside and do whatever it is you need to. On a cold day, you can wrap up warmly and walk fast. On a hot day, you can dress lightly and walk slowly. And it is much the same with our emotions. You can’t stop sadness or anxiety or anger from showing up in your life – but if you respond to them with mindfulness, you can let them come and go without a struggle, and choose how to act when they are present.
2. Welcome Notes
Welcome to the first “Happiness Trap Newsletter”, which replaces the old “ACT Mindfully Newsletter”. This issue was supposed to come out back in July 2008, but unfortunately something called “life” got in the way! This new format aims to bring Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, better known as ACT, to a wider audience - one that includes not just therapists, counsellors and coaches, but also the general public. (If you know nothing about ACT, or have never heard of mindfulness, then before you read on, it is a good idea to click here to find out more about_ACT )
My hope is that you will forward this newsletter to any friends, relatives, colleagues or clients who may be interested. Given the frantic lives we all have – so much to do, so little time – and given there is a lot of reading material in each issue, I will limit this newsletter to once every three months. Each issue will have a main article centered around a common “Happiness Trap” – i.e. a popular concept or idea about happiness that will tend to make you miserable if you base your life on it. The rest of the issue will include book reviews, interviews, and guest articles from prominent ACT therapists, plus a clinical section especially for therapists and coaches. I hope you enjoy it and find it useful.
3. Main Article: The “Feeling Good” Trap
Our “Feel Good” society is creating a lot of problems for itself. Our ever-growing obsession with feeling happy, good, cheerful and positive is setting us up for a struggle with reality. The fact is, if we live a full human life, we will experience the full range of human emotions – not just the ones that feel good. Our culture would have us believe that happiness is the natural state for human beings, but a quick look at the world around us reveals this is not the case. Depression, anxiety and stress are epidemic; likewise unhappy marriages, painful divorces, isolation and loneliness. And even those who lives seem blessed still have to deal with the pain of loss, illness, injury, frustration, disappointment, aging, conflict, rejection, and death. Thus the natural state for humans is not happiness, or feeling good; rather, our feelings are like the weather, continually changing: at times very pleasant, at other times extremely unpleasant.
Although there is considerable debate about it, many experts agree there are nine basic human emotions: love, joy, curiosity, fear, anger, sadness, guilt, shock and disgust. Note that six out of nine of these normal human emotions do NOT feel good - and yet, these are feelings that every human being will experience repeatedly, no matter how wonderful their life is. So, to continue with the weather analogy, what would happen if you went through life believing, “We should have good weather every day. There must be something seriously wrong if it’s cold and wet outside.” If this was your attitude, how much would you struggle with reality? And how much would your life shrink if you believed, "I can’t do the things that really matter to me, or be the person I want to be, unless the weather is good"?
When we talk about the weather this way it seems ridiculous. We know we can’t control the weather, so we don’t try to. We let the weather do what it does, and we change our clothes to adapt. But when it comes to emotions and feelings, we often take a different approach. Humans readily assume that they have to feel good before they can do what really matters in life; so we often try very hard to control our feelings. And this is quite natural. After all, everyone wants to feel good, and no one wants to feel bad. So we try to push our unwanted feelings away with quick fixes of “feel good” activities - from cigarettes, chocolate, and alcohol, to TV, computer games, or shopping. And this is reinforced by all the people out there who claim they can help us: Buy a new car! Go on a holiday! Whiten your teeth! Have a Botox injection! Drink our excellent bourbon! Try our delicious new ice cream! Buy our product and you too can be as happy as the young, fit, healthy, beautiful, slim, suntanned, smiling person in this advert. And of course, many of these things do give us some good feelings – for a little while. But how long do those feelings last? And what does it cost you when you start to use these “feel good” strategies excessively or inappropriately? And do these things give you a rich, full and meaningful life in the long term?
Throughout most of recorded human history, happiness has been defined in terms of “doing good” – living a meaningful and purposeful life, guided by your values. But in the last 50 years, western culture has redefined happiness as “feeling good”. For example, in most dictionaries happiness is now defined as a state of pleasure or contentment. So let me ask you: when you look back over your life, what is the longest a state of pleasure or contentment ever lasted? A few minutes? Perhaps a few hours on a particularly special day? If you define happiness in this way, it can never be long-lasting.
Another far greater problem is that there is a world of difference between “feeling good” and “doing good”. When you die, no one will remember you for how you felt – they will remember you for what you did. And if you’re like most human beings, when you lie on your death bed, looking back on your life, you are likely to ask yourself questions like, “How well did I love?” or “What difference did I make in the lives of others?” You are unlikely to ask yourself “How good did I feel?”
To emphasize this point, whenever I give workshops or lectures, I ask all the parents in the room to raise their hands. Usually, this is well over three quarters of the audience. I say, “Having a child enriches your life enormously and gives you some of the most wonderful feelings you will ever have – love, joy, and tenderness, the like of which you could never have imagined. But are those the only feelings they give you?”
Everyone shakes their heads, and says “Nooooo!”
“What other feelings do children give you?” I ask.
There is a cacophony of responses: “Fear”, “Anger”, “Exhaustion”, “Worry”, “Guilt”, “Sadness”, “Hurt”, “Frustration”, “Rejection”, “Boredom”, etc.
So there you have it: the things that make life rich, full and meaningful give rise to a wide range of feelings – not just “good” ones. (This, of course, holds true for every loving relationship – not just those with our children. No wonder the famous philosopher Jean Paul Sartre said “Hell is other people.”)
So if we believe that happiness is the same as feeling good, we are constantly going to be struggling. Expecting to feel good all the time is like expecting a crocodile to be your best friend. You’re soon going to be disappointed. In ACT, we generally stay away from using the term “happiness”, as so many people think it means “feeling good”. Instead, we talk about “vitality”: a sense of being fully alive and embracing each moment of life, regardless of how you are feeling in that moment. If we were to define happiness in ACT terms, we would define it as living a rich, full and meaningful life in which you feel the full range of human emotions; or as the sense of vitality and wellbeing that comes from living by your values (something the ancient Greeks called “eudemonia”).
The inconvenient truth is that our feelings are like the weather – always changing, and often unpredictable. There are cold days and hot days; rainy days and sunny days. You can’t control the weather - but nor does the weather control you! No matter how bad it is, you can choose to go outside and do whatever it is you need to. On a cold day, you can wrap up warmly and walk fast. On a hot day, you can dress lightly and walk slowly. And it is much the same with our emotions. You can’t stop sadness or anxiety or anger from showing up in your life – but if you respond to them with mindfulness, you can let them come and go without a struggle, and choose how to act when they are present.
The more we can accept this reality, the more we are free to live the life we want. Instead of wasting energy trying to control how we feel, we can channel that energy into effective action – doing things to improve our life for the better. So next time your feelings are running rampant, you might like to gently acknowledge this, and with a sense of humor say something like, “Hmmm. Looks like bad weather today.” You can play around with this concept. If you're noticing feelings of grumpiness or irritability, you might say, "I can feel a storm brewing". If you're noticing a lot of anxiety, you might say, "Wow. There's a real downpour of anxiety going on right now". And you can use the weather as a metaphor to aid your mindfulness practice: you can watch your thoughts going past "like passing clouds"; you can notice sensations swirling around your body "like torrents of rain". Doing this helps you to remember that you are like the sky, and your feelings are like the weather: no matter how bad the weather, the sky cannot be harmed by it - and sooner or later, the weather always changes.
4. Therapists & Coaches Section: The Vitality Scale
The vitality scale is a simple tool to help you and your client track their experience during a session and between sessions. It is particularly useful when working with clients who complain of being totally numb or feeling lifeless. When talking to clients about vitality, it is important to explain that vitality is not a feeling or an emotion, but a sense of being fully alive, and embracing each moment of life, regardless of how you are feeling in that moment. Once you have made this clear, you can ask, “On a scale of 0 to 10, where 10 means you are fully alive, and 0 means you have no vitality at all, as if all the life has been drained out of you, where are you on that scale right now?”
You can play around with this in different ways. For example, you might ask, “When was the last time you were at a 7, 8 or 9? What were you doing?” You can then ask them to describe that memory in as much detail as possible. Often as you do that, will visibly notice the client “coming to life” before your eyes. Then you can ask, “Right now, just check and rate yourself again on that scale; how alive are you in this moment?”
For another example, you might ask your client to sit up straight, and look directly at you, and really be present with you; and then have them slump in the chair, break eye contact, and stare down at the floor. Next ask them to rate their vitality for each posture, and have them reflect on the difference; draw out the connection between mindful interaction with the world and a sense of vitality.
Throughout the session you might also track “how alive” they seem, and draw their attention to it; point it out when you sense vitality has gone up, and ask them to rate it again, and to notice what they are doing that is making a difference. This is very helpful in establishing the relationship between mindfulness, values and vitality.Try it out on yourself too; a few times a day, rate your own vitality; you will likely find it's highest when you're mindfully engaged in doing something meaningful.
You can tie this intervention very nicely into a defusion technique. If your client is fusing with painful and unhelpful thoughts, such as "Life sucks. There's no point in even trying. I've always been this way, and nothing helps!" you can write them down on a sheet of paper, and place it on the client's lap.
Then ask the client, "Please look down at the thoughts written on that paper - and get all absorbed in them. Don't pay attention to me or the room around us - focus only on the thoughts on that paper."
Next ask them to rate their vitality on a scale of 0-10. Typically they will score a 0 or 1.
Next ask them, "Now I'd like you to leave the paper on your lap, exactly as it is, and look up and really connect with me - see if you can really be present. And now notice the room around us. Here we are, in this room, you and I - connecting with each other. Now, on a scale of 0 to 10, how alive are you in this moment?"
Usually, their vitality score will go up at least a couple of points, if not more. You can then draw out the connection between mindfulness and vitality, and how fusion narrows your world and disconnects you.
N.B. As you do this, be sure to distinguish defusion from distraction. For example, you might say, "Notice that as you connect with me, that piece of paper is still there, on your lap, and you know exactly what it says; the thoughts have not disappeared; you are still aware of them. But you are now no longer caught up in them. You can have them there, and also engage in the world around you."
You can also point out, "Notice that in any moment, you have a choice. You can break off contact with me and the room, and get all absorbed in those thoughts on your lap. In fact, why not try it right now, and see what happens. Disconnect from me, look down at those thoughts, and get all absorbed in them. Notice what happens. (Few seconds pause). Now look up and really connect with me again. Which do you prefer?"
5. Guest Spot: Interview with Steve Hayes, The Originator of ACT
Note: this is only a short, edited extract; the entire interview makes great reading but it is too long to reproduce here. If you want to know about Steve's hippie days, his early influences, his favorite food, what makes him cry, his fantasies about the future of ACT, and what he'd like on his tombstone, then you can click here to download the entire interview.
Q: It is common knowledge that your own personal issues played a role in the development of ACT. Can you explain how?
A: When I developed an anxiety disorder around 1980, I found that my behavioral and cognitive training failed me. I turned to my eastern roots, and also explored the human potential movement. That gave me a route forward personally and I eventually integrated all of that into the intellectual and practical work that became ACT. People who come to ACT and stick with it find it personally useful ... without that it is just a technique, and often it is a technique turned to ends that are not fully ACT sensible.
One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to have their own work mock them -- as it does when psychologists realize that the methods they use for others they would not use for themselves. ACT does not have that problem. I do not know a single person who is a vital part of the ACT community who does not see the direct relevance of this work to themselves, their families, and their communities. I use ACT in my life every single day. It is a space I work to inhabit.
Q: Although ACT has been around since the early 80s, it is only in the last few years that it has started being used by tens of thousands of health professionals in many different countries. Why has it taken so long for ACT to achieve its current prominence?
A: Well, we took such a long way around in developing it there was no way for it to explode on the scene. Only a few people ever hear of it twenty years ago. Clinicians who moved in that direction (and there were a handful) had to do it with no resources -- no tapes, books, manuals, measures, or materials. Likewise researchers -- who initially were just my students or former students, pure a simple. If ACT had been popular 20 years ago it could not have withstood scrutiny. The model was not well developed and its foundation was weak. It certainly could not have served as a vehicle for something as lofty as trying to change the conversation inside behavioral and cognitive psychology. We were willing to spend years on philosophy, basic theory, measures, and applied theory before even publishing the approach in book form, but to be honest a lot of that was intuitive. It was not so much a grand plan as a feeling of "not yet." In hindsight there was a grand plan unfolding that was implicit in the impulse to work out the philosophy and basic theory and so on ... but that kind of journey takes a while. But because we waited and worked on the foundation now when people peel back the layers they see how much has been done on the foundations of the work. That is one of the things I'm most proud of about ACT. It is not just ACT, it is ACT / RFT. And it is not just ACT / RFT it is ACT/RFT/CBS.
Q: ACT is increasingly proving useful in a wide range of areas – from mental illness such as depression and schizophrenia, to physical illness such as epilepsy and diabetes, to enhancing performance in both sport and business. What makes ACT so versatile? And what has most surprised you about the diversity of its use?
A: ACT targets core language processes that interfere with psychological flexibility. They appear to be relevant wherever the human mind goes. I have been surprised over and over again at its breadth. Patty Bach's study on psychosis was a surprise; as was Lundgren and Dahl's epilepsy study, Jen Gregg's diabetes study, and Jason Lillis's weight study. We still have a long way to go -- but practitioners around the world are learning how. One cutting edge is learning how to combine behavioral methods with acceptance and mindfulness methods. Another is how to bring all of this into the mainstream culture ... not just therapy or even self-help, but into the cultural conversation. I think we've seen enough to know that these processes will enter into clinical psychology as a whole. You can count on that. But to my mind that is just the beginning.
Next issue, the guest spot will feature an article on compassion, by John Forsyth.
6. Workshops & E-courses
Workshops for Therapists and Coaches
In 2009 I'll be introducing 2 new types of ACT workshop: a) an intensive 2-day ACT Skills-training workshop, involving lots of role play, practice, and case conceptualization, and b) an ACT with Relationship Issues workshop, based around my forthcoming self-help book, "ACT With Love" (to be published by New Harbinger, May 2009). Details will be in the next issue. Workshops for 2008 are now virtually over, but there are still a few open: advanced ACT workshops in Canberra, Launceston, Melbourne and Brisbane, and introductory ACT workshops in Adelaide and Melbourne.
For details go to http://www.actmindfully.com.au/by_city
Workshops for the General Public
Alas, I just have not had time to put together a workshop for the general public, nor does it look likely in 2009. However, these days I generally allow at least a couple of non-professionals to attend my professional workshops, so if you'd like to come along, just shoot me an email.
E-courses
There are now two e-courses available: "ACT In A Nutshell" for professionals, and "Life Beyond The Hapiness Trap" for the general public. These are a simple way to enhance your knowledge and parctice of ACT - and both come with a "100% money back guarantee if not entirely satisfied". To find out more, go to www.thehappinesstrap.com/e-courses
7. Free Resources
I have created a variety of free resources that can be used in conjunction with "The Happiness Trap". (Of course, you can also use them with any other ACT book.) You can download these at: www.thehappinesstrap.com/free_resources
These can be used by oneself, or as a useful adjunct to coaching or therapy.
8. Parting Words
I hope you have enjoyed this newsletter. It will steadily evolve over the next few issues, and I welcome any suggestions on how to improve it. Meantime, I’ll leave you with a few quotes to chew over:
“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." - H. L. Mencken
“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem.” - Richard Bach
“Happiness is like a cat: if you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap.” - William Bennett
All the best,
Cheers, Russ Harris
To subscribe to this newsletter, go to the main menu on www.thehappinesstrap.com
here's the link to the interview
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com/upimages/Steve_Hayes_Interview.pdf
