guilt, guilt, guilt

[thequietone]

Here's my question: What are your experiences with guilt?

For me, it's a good chunk of the problem.
Recently I heard from someone that guilt is absolutely non-genetic. That the only way to develop "guilt complex" behavior is to have it implicitly taught to you by your parents. Hearing this of course made me quite defensive and guilty. :?
Heck, my parents aren't monsters and I hate it when therapists try to pin the blame on them, blame they don't deserve. No one is perfect. Sure my dad is a bit overbearing, but he can't take all the credit for what I've become! Sure my mom is a bit self conscious and very careful of other's feelings. Who cares. Sheesh. It's no ones fault, and when I have to blame something I blame myself because I am an individual with choices, I am my own person and I am old enough to take responsibility for myself.

It just makes no sense to say that guilt is not inheirited. If everything else is inheirited then why not that? Okay. I'm done. What are your thoughts?

 

[cLavain]

Well, that a tendency to feel guilt is not in any way influenced by genetic traits seems unlikely in my opinion, but then I'm no biologist. Was this someone able to document his claim?

Anyway, I tend to blame myself for things too. It's easy, because I can point to so many things I could have done differently over the years. Yay for retrospection!! :roll:

 

[GIOLANDA]

Thequietone,like cLavain said,how do we know that the person's claim is true? You need a scientific opinion for that. And anyway,I think it doesn't really matter where it comes from,the important thing is to try to be better. I have that problem too.

 

[maggie]

Here's my question: What are your experiences with guilt?

For me, it's a good chunk of the problem.
Recently I heard from someone that guilt is absolutely non-genetic. That the only way to develop "guilt complex" behavior is to have it implicitly taught to you by your parents. Hearing this of course made me quite defensive and guilty. :?
Heck, my parents aren't monsters and I hate it when therapists try to pin the blame on them, blame they don't deserve. No one is perfect. Sure my dad is a bit overbearing, but he can't take all the credit for what I've become! Sure my mom is a bit self conscious and very careful of other's feelings. Who cares. Sheesh. It's no ones fault, and when I have to blame something I blame myself because I am an individual with choices, I am my own person and I am old enough to take responsibility for myself.

It just makes no sense to say that guilt is not inheirited. If everything else is inheirited then why not that? Okay. I'm done. What are your thoughts?

hi thequietone....i feel guilt all the time..constantly..about something..or another :roll:

 

[Chilling__Echo]

um, this is a little off topic and directed to everyone who said they experienced guilt problems. i dated a guy for three years that had major guilt problems. i was constantly having to reassure him in vain, b/c he refused to let himself be at PEACE. he wouldn't have it, like he was punishing himself. it's so self-destructive and doesn't do a bit of good. learning to let things go is the best thing you can do for yourself b/c no one deserves it.

 

[thequietone]

how do we know that the person's claim is true?

I'm inclined to believe this claim has some scientific basis because the person who informed me of this is my therapist. Then again, therapists are notorious for placing blame... :roll: In my opinion it doesn't do much good. I think blaming something for your problems is easier, certainly. It would be quite nice to rid yourself of all responsibility and say, "I am this way because so and so did ______" That way, when you're frustrated with your shortcomings you have something tangible to get mad at.

Anyway, the argument was that babies don't come out of the womb feeling guilty. That a child looks at those around them for how to feel and act when guilt is involved. I don't know. I guess it makes some sense.
I'll give her this.....all people are born with a certain level of sensitivity and temperment. While one person won't feel a shred of guilt when their mother gives them "a look", someone else in the same position might feel terrible about themselves.
So I might agree with some of that. I just get defensive when my parents get brought into this......